Last Grateful Wednesday of 2006

--for sunshine making it safely thru the bad weather, and to her family
--for hot n spicey drinks, fireplaces, good munchies, good people, stimulating conversations, and GREAT poetry jam sessions
--for ms. j's beautiful voice
--for hearing him smile again thru the phone
--for our poetry still feeling sacred...and we treat it as such
--for not stressing this christmas
--for the smiles on my children's faces and their snuggly hugs
--for sitting under the stars with my lil brother(not so lil), and just laughing and talking...he is adorable and cool as hell...wouldn't trade him for the world
--for facing some of my fears, and not running
--for facing some of my fears and running...acknowledgement is enough right now
--for making choices that are nurturing to my spirit
--for the endless possibilities coming in the new year
--for wanting to be better, instead of just safe

broken wishbones
cracked promises
soft lies
easy swallowed

open heart

closed eyes

tunnel vision

blurred choices

stinging wounds

cancerous friends

benign love

black undersides

untouched memories

not ready

need time

need wings

new beginnings

yesterday returns

wishful thinking

hinders flight

darkened mentality

screams redemption

forgiveness vital

forgetting unintentional

tainted tongue

shadowed eyes

indian giver

trust taker

knees bent

desperate heart

humble prayer

peaceful sleep

Even in Storms There Are Blessings...

-for the fact you still love me
-for the fact i still love you
-for being able to spend lots of quality time with the kids
-for seeing them grow so beautifully...i got it right this time
-for hanging out and just being giggly girls
-for laughing so hard my stomach hurt
-for wings and brownies
-for the music of D'Angelo...lawd lawd
-for embracing the pain
-for the words that flow into my healing
-for your smile
-for taylor styling my hair, bringing memories of my own childhood doing mommy's hair
-for him wanting you...the power of it all lol
-for feeling a change coming...i'm scared...but willing
-for knowing it will be okay eventually
-for hot apple cider

Fuck You for Saying Snap Out Of It!!

it seems the dark days are returning, yet i don't know why at this time it has chosen to seep back in. like i said before, i believe it never really leaves us...we just learn to manage it better. or disguise it as something else. most days are better than others...but i feel it, and i am trying to push it back.
forgive me, because it is also showing up in the(my) writing...perhaps that is a good damn thang. so bare with me while i bare with myself..

he watches
as he always has
waiting
patiently
with soulless eyes
for her to give him hers
or at least another piece
for he has collected her
only in small doses
which he hides in a crystal box
made of salted tears
opens it daily
masterbating to her pain

acquired a taste for her
starting at an early age
dipped ragged nails into innocence
tasting the sweetness of youth
enjoyed the music of her cries
became the invisible playmate
for often she was left alone

he took her voice
placed it in the fragile box
knowing it would be her strength
but he could not allow her to be heard
soft spoken--if she even speaks at all

she learned early to exist in pain
for this was not living
found false hope in a child
never to leave her womb whole
sucked into brown sludge
as tiny fingers desperately
held onto the cord binding them
as they both were torn to pieces

he kept her close
to feed his hunger
and her drunken steps
kept him satisfied...........
(of course not finished, perhaps its best)

because the darkness never really leaves...does it...?

i want to take your pain
reach deep inside the heart of your hell
plunge both hands in its sponge
that soaks you in daily
rip it from its existance and squeeze the dead out of it
so life can come back into dark eyes
(where reflections no longer exist)
let it seep into the ground where fathers lay
and where i should bury hers
for you hold much too tightly to a legacy
not belonging to you
there is comfort in the pain though
cradling you into nightmares
playing games in the blood left on the floor
too many pieces to play with
not enough players
therefore demons play you often
and the company is appreciated

let me have the pain
enter inside these walls
until my womb absorbs this madness
fertilizing with my own sadness
together let it grow
let it grow
let it grow
until soft insides split
and this heart explodes
ripping my existance apart
so i may rain down on you
covering your beautiful face
with transfered grace
freeing you from an internal prison
with keys, windows, and doors
found only within eyes
of agape......

'Tis The Season

-for Neo being HOT last week, thanks to the ladies (big smile)...oh and Marcel did the thang fo sho!
-for hanging with you, as if no gliches ever happened
-for good drinks, good laughs, and good dancing
-for reconnecting with family members at my cousin's homegoing service...why is that?
-for feeling your spirit surround me, as i remembered laying in your lap during church service while sucking on peppermints
-for missing you still so much it hurts, but letting the feeling come
-for old boyfriends wanting to see me...lol like he was my boyfriend at age 7 or 8 lol
-for celebrating all my girl's hard work...yeah for graduating...yeah for parties
-for my son and how he loves me...something about that mother/son bond
-for the words not stopping
-for a good game of Upwords, good drinks, and good laughs with you 3...and a half (lil ms princess)
-for the beauty in your precious lil smile
-for the magic cup
-for strong beautiful women, even in pain and disappointment...beautiful
-for being witness to the love Eb & Flo have for one another....makes me still believe
-for seeing the progress i am making with Me

-for still loving you, eventhough i don't like you...and its OK

-for those goofy text messages that just make your day...thank you

Please Tell Me How This Makes Sense...

a local elementary school in the area, actually off of 620, is going to relocate their students due to overcrowding. no big deal usually, but this is the part(s) that bother me:
-this will be the 3rd time in 3 years these students have been moved. 3 DIFFERENT schools in 3 years.
-the fact they are elementary children who throughout these formative years, should be able to cultivate bonds with friends, lasting throughout most of their schooling ( i know is was moved around alot too...but still)
-the fact it has been 3 years, and just now something is being done about it. i mean don't they have planning commitees for this type of projection? part of the reason we pay taxes and vote on bonds right?
-oh and two of my favorite reasons why this crap is really bothering me.....
#1, guess what? the huge majority of these kids are MINORITIES...hmmm not really surprising is it?!
#2, and this is the end all to end all...so adding/building more space to the existing school is out of the question (but prisons are being expanded on a daily basis)
and 3 yrs ago no one thought of "hey, let's build a new school so our students can thrive and have a condusive learning environment." (but new prisons are being built as i type this)
noooooo see all of the above would be too much like right (as friend of mine says). so where are they going to place these lovely young children, you ask?
shaking head even now in disgust: how about in an abandoned CHEMICAL TESTING PLANT!!!!!!!
But the building is so much closer to where they live, the administrator's say.
really? as if that is suppose to make it ok?
i mean really, seriously are you serious? who knows what these children will be exposed too w/in those walls or what will they come into contact with while playing in the dirt at the playground!!
No, i don't know what chemicals had been tested at this site, but does it really matter?!
I'd be curious to see the statistics of ailments and health issues these students have in the future.
this is not the first time, of course not, minority children have had less than adequate learning conditions all over this fine nation, Where No Child Shall Be Left Behind and It Takes A Village, right? riiiiiight! I know of another campus (here in atx) where radio active waste had been found in the playground, and after a brief dig it was discovered it had been built on top of a dumping ground. nothing really done, fresh dirt added and the playground was shortened. lol...yep
why why why why is this okay?

Conversations with Self and Me...So Much Work Left To Do...But I'm Doing It

hey
yeah?
we need to talk
about...?
your heart
my heart?
yes your heart
what about it?
i'm tired of holding it together...
***************************
Her intentions are not of a soft shell
but she likes the way time has worn her edges
soft and smooth,
as she runs a finger across life
feeling rounded curves at each turn
occasionally jagged peaks protrude
not yet eroded by healing tears
instead filling the valleys
deepening on each side-
either she drowns daily
or floats,
searching for an olive branch in the debris left behind
not realizing the debris will stick to her edges
strengthen her walls
eventually,
she will be able to carve a door to walk through
or open a window to breathe-
even in darkness
stained glass is beautiful.
***********************
but it is so hard to see beauty
in cracked reflections
only ugliness and distortion make sense
altered reality plays tricks with truth
past life creates present lies
only to dine on self
because her world is starving
with only spoonfuls of emptiness to feed her.
binging on whatever scraps
are thrown her way
gorging on rancid sweet trash
until her womb is so heavy with self-hatred
she must ram her heart into her throat
to purge it all away.
acidic lies burn as they rush through her insides
past her silent tongue
only the sickening sound of a broken heart can be heard
as it slams into the vomit it helped create.
she picks up the pieces as always
trying to scrape away the cancer festering inside
diligently chipping away the hardening plaque
using what she just expelled from her throat
as a binding glue
not realizing though the pieces fit,
slightly,
never quite the same really,
she will continue to decay from the inside
leaving only a soft shell
that no one can love
not even her self.

Gratitude is an Attitude....

-for writing again...its flowing again and i love being at its mercy
-for getting the tree up this year nov. 30th...never has been that early
-for decorating with my family, very special moments
-for text messages to make you laugh when you most need it
-for real female friendships
-for night skys that just seem to glow lately
-for knowing just a bit of you
-for recognizing everything and everyone sometimes has a season, always a reason, not necessary to hold onto
-for playing Boggle with Kami
-for passion that still burns
-for my cousin Bobbi, she put up a good fight, but He took her home yesterday evening...now you can rest ma
-for you wanting to share your words with me, and wanting my opinion....meant a lot
-for family for family for family
-for snuggles
-for for my brother introducing me as his beautiful sister...awww
-for eating just a little better...got to start somewhere
-for poetry and those who keep it sacred

working on this one...

i am not what i was
much more than i am
standing here with a voice that can make love to minds
creating mental foreplay and orgasmic rhythms
to tease and satisfy all that they crave...
unable to satisfy my own cravings
so i search deep inside
among the clutter and chaos
for a new voice to be heard

it is here,
upon my shoulder where my heart sits
absorbing blows fists have missed
teetering on the brink of exhaustion
catching wayward tears these eyes have banished
reminding my head to sit squarely
as the weight of my world bares down.

it is here,
in my hands that still grasp at rainbows
and silver linings
while battered fingers hold rusty needles
to patch fraying seams
within this thinning soul
and the pen beckons to be a catalyst.

it is here,
between my legs
where tips of fingers were licked clean of innocence.
buried children here...
once by my own shovel, twice by God's
with no eulogy to speak of.
pulled my tribe from here-my namesakes, beautiful and strong.
finally self worth closed the temple doors to jokers and thieves

it is here,
just behind shades of indigo
where visual wisdom senses what cannot be seen
cast insight into yesterday, today and possibilities

it is here,
behind bolted doors
with keys strung across rib cages
in dark basements of my mind
on stairs leading to nowhere
all swept under tattered rugs
trying to ignore which seeps through threads
of much walked upon

it is here,
deep inside where the child still dreams
still cries in the corner
who runs to the woman
who has often fell from grace
who is covered by wings
with prayers etched into each quill

my voice is here
whispering through the chaos
praying through the silence
.........

Because I Was Inspired

i make wishes of you upon comet's tails
with promises of fleeting reality
to feel the passion burn in my heart
tattooed within the ashes...

tonight moonbeams brought us closer
wrapped tight in it's magic
our tides synchronized
a fluidity of necessity never lost

i released my butterflies upon your lips
dancing down your throat
to keep company with your own
their is strength in numbers

held me so close
i could feel our wings fluttering in your chest
taking turns playing with heartbeats
an effect caused long ago, felt now

your eyes always looking past the obvious
searching for any residue left of you
instead, we found us
lost within one another

one hand playing in curls
as the other traces my neck
finding its way to supple breasts
mouth indulges on raspberry candy

pushing my pain threshold back further
satin sweetly calling your name
welcoming what is meant for me
feeling the wetness ebbing for you

it seems our bodies defy this plane
having trouble keeping grounded
sexual animation suspended within rhythm
celestial love seeded in rich earth

watered by orgasmic moans and screams
angels blush at their voyeuristic creation
kiss the red glow into my cheeks
soften your chest for my face

knowing they will never have what they created
to feel the warmth in my well
or the intoxication of your lips
they fly as close as they can to taste heaven

and they weep.

Another One So Soon

-for words in need of existance
-for phone calls...just because you wanted to say hello
-for singing so off key, but oh so cute "i just called to say...."
-for decorating for Christmas
-for finding great treasures to add to my home
-for Craig's List
-for hanging out with my brother
-for a lil sanity...i said a lil
-for life
-for prayer
-for my cousin getting out of intensive care
-for my brother walking away untouched from an accident he shouldn't of...thank you thank you!
-for your fingers in my hair
-for understanding my weakness and insecurities
-for quiet moments
-for teaching moments in your negativity...i am stronger than you think i am
-for bannana foster's icecream pie...my new favorite recipe

Look What I Forgot....

looked at my calendar, sorry people


Happy Birthday to Amy

Happy Birthday to Eboni

Happy Birthday to Ms Jo

and Happy Thankgsiving to everyone!!

Soooo Much THANKS to GIVE N this life....clever huh lol

-for meeting such interesting people on this journey
-for laughs with my kids
-for good poetry
-for loving the skin i'm in
-for not obsessing over weight anymore, like i hear so many do...it can take over your life
-for warm hugs on cold nights
-for my new sandals, yes i know its almost winter...but i get them cheaper in the off season lol
-for caramel apples...yum
-for my son's sense of humor having his mother bent over in laughter in the middle of a store
-for my family together on Thanksgiving...priceless
-for my daddy asking if i had both my feet left, 'cause i put both of them in the food i had prepared...lol
-for satisfied faces and satisfied bellies
-for my oldest daughter's boyfriend, he seems to calm her spirit...plus he is a comedian, and a nice guy...guess he is a'ight (as t said)
-for chivalry
-for dancing slowly in his arms in the middle of the store, and the horrified look of taylor when she saw us lol
-for out of sight out of mind
-for love
-for my grey ghost, the butterfly mobile is back!
-for my daughter's creativity
-for christmas ornament shopping and taylor's excitement
-for family, its so good, had to say it twice

For It All Is A Good Thing...

-for my 14 yr old realizing she didn't like the silly mental games her boyfriend was playing...so she broke up with him...she is a smart girl indeed
-for exploring new avenues in life, and loving the detours
-for great report cards
-for sharing in a grand celebration for 3 up and coming young gospel rappers
-for reconnection
-for tears of joy
-for you always showing up, even if it means lingering in the background (i always know u r there)
-for still smiling like a school girl when i see you
-for you saying my glasses were sexy...why thank you
-for changing my mind, and opting for jazz with jazzman...good choice
-for team practice...dang its been awhile, but we still groove well
-for my brother's long awaited screen time...he is so cute
-for my new computer desk
-for purging stuff and junk, so i can create a new, more peaceful beautiful environment for my family...for love
-for elbow to elbow game playing action....HAHA i won again!
-for your lol text messages

Another Wednesday of Gratitude, though Everyday I AM

-for experiencing life through a poet's eyes
-for going forward when so many others said no, or added roadblocks
-for one incredible trip
-for looking people in the eye, and touching their hand...we all should do this more often...its honest
-for traveling grace, prayers, and well wishes....thank you thank you
-for my glasses
-for my babies....they are simply incredible
-for knowing she is okay
-for strong arms to hold alllllllll this
-for seeing i have a gift, and believing it finally
-for you creeping into my dreams, its safer there so yeah i understand
-for that "feeling" again
-for my daddy's laugh...he turned 64 saturday
-for my daddy being so proud of his babygirl...he tells me now
-for cheering with Taylor's friends @ football game...they think i'm cool lol
-for my mother's happy tears after reading my lil' book of poetry
-for text messages that make me laugh
-for Joss Stone's voice OMG!
-for realizing some people are exactly what they show you (though their words will swear they are not), but its okay...learning to love and admire at arm's length
-for books of encouragement and strength....i heart you
-for you calling just to hear my voice, in need of a poem...(we had some good times, huh?)
-for family for family for family for family for family for family for family
-for holding hands while making love
-for deep sweet kisses lasting a lifetime
-for still believing in yesterday
-for NeoSoul tonight....been missing

Haiku...that's all

my choice is, of me
reaching deeply for sweet peace
now dance within love

This Story Is Not Yet Over, But Just Beginning...

dragged B out once more into this beautiful city. of course, out to some mountain and natural setting...pick that over shopping any day. saw the petroglyphs, ancient drawings of the Pueblo people atop an inactive volcano...question...if inactive why the hell these rocks still feel very very VERY warm, while about 50/60 degrees outside? of course i climbed to the top, while B went half way then once again stated, 'shelle ya on your own'. lol...yep love my adventurous spirit...how else to experience the beauty of this life right?
later that evening headed out to our second feature in town, Central Avenue Reading, that takes place at local coffee shop...serves very good chai by the way.
totally different crowd. average age around 55/60. very literary. very distinguished. read from their own published works. B and i realized we will have to revamp our show. no i say NEO, you say SOUL!! here lol... i wore my glasses, yes glasses! you know, trying to fit the part. though i did one of my performance pieces (more subdued of course), it was nice to do the rest of my set reading from my book. i was reading one of my more sensual pieces, when i realized i was coming across a certain erotic passage, started to panic a lil thinking damn these are my grandparents in here. sped up the piece a lil, lol, but also could see the elderly gentlemen perking up a bit LOL LOL. too funny. B did a very good set, in fact one of the best...something about not being rushed or in a heightened state ya know. He had those women remembering the old days. lol Ms Dale passed the basket around, church style....not bad at all plus sold more product.
i wished i could of stayed longer with these folks. most have led fascinating lives. so enriched even now, with such great stories to tell. i pray in my own older years i have just as many fascinating tales to tell to people along my path.
still whispering my thank you's into the universe.
hung out with more poets at a local bar. more great conversations, drinks, great laughs, good food (though they don't know what it means to eat wings!), and overall outstanding meeting of the minds.
poets are cool people....that is if you leave ego's (haven't i said that already lol) and open your mind to the moment.
said our goodbye's. damn. last night. B grabbed my hand as we walked through a tunnel to the car, and said "MichelleDesiree..." and i said "Brian Francis...," then together we said " we did it..."...yeah we did...yeah we did.
it was time to go though, we both were missing family something awful!
hit the road for home...home, hmm such a sweeter word these days...around 10am friday morning. snuck in the front door around a quarter to midnight. (no one, but Tarik knew i was coming home). nothing like loving arms around you...nothing like his arms.
my dad's birthday was in 15min. i was his present he said....awwwwww
my beautiful son come's running down the hall and leaps into my arms, kissing me repeatedly, holding me like i was a brand new xbox 360...and if you knew my son...lol...that was a strong hold.
taylor then runs and hugs me just crying her lil eyes out. wow they really made their mom feel good.
nothing as sweet as a family's love...sigh...home sweet home
does it get any better than this?...i guarantee it does
watch and see....
smile

Native Love, Poetry & Beer

Catching up on my blogging, so i have posted 2 others below besides this one...
Wednesday morning, B and I performed for two classes at the Native American Charter Academy (NACA). We knew it would be fun working with the kids, but didn't realize just how important this day would be for both of us.
The school is less than a year old, the student population 90% Native American, a place where they spirits can be nurtured and grow, where they can feel like the norm and not the outcast.
the students were so excited to see us. Their teacher, Ms. Emily, had been talking about slams, poetry, and even showed them a few clips of def poetry jam and Taylor Mali. Ms. Emily is a budding poet herself, but has never read on an open mic...ah but we took care of that soon enough. The first class was a group of 6th graders and a whole lot of fun. The boys were more outspoken, while the few females stayed quiet.
i could see their hesitation, so i tried much as possible to keep them involved. I made sure to let them know they have a voice, and how important it is for them to realize this fact. it had taken so long for me to find my own ya know.
B and I did a couple of pieces, then taught a mini writing workshop. they were very receptive and so eager to share. B brought them up to the front of the room like rock stars...you could just see them shining...and shine they did! The words these kids wrote were simply amazing. police problems, drugs, alcohol, being different, pleading for change....and they are 11/12 year olds. wow...very humbling. We gave each of them promo posters, which of course, they wanted autographed. they were the stars, not us.
grabbed a quick bite to eat at a Thai resteraunt, then returned for the second class...i wasn't ready for what was to come.
the kids 7th graders, just a yr or two older. B and i did the same format as before, but the outcome totally different. several topics were put on the board (they chose first or strongest memory), they picked one, then letters chosen, then 3 words for each letter-only had to choose 2 from each letter, then given about 10 minutes to write. one by one they got up there and just ripped my heart out. i felt the tears coming, tried desperately to hold them back, but no...and even some of the kids in class couldn't contain themselves. they spoke of losing their brother, their fathers, fathers who were killed or just left, of grandmother's, of the pain of just living, of a mother's love. it was heart wrenching, but it seemed...needed. wounds were opened, but the tears cleansed.
i read a piece about my grandmother and baking lemon cookies, almost couldn't get through it myself. miss her so. but i realize exposing myself like that, gave another the courage to read about her own grandmother. a very shy beauty, who needed her friend to hold her hand as she read. when the tears started, she moved closer to her strength and she held her as she read...we were all a mess by the time she finished. it was so moving. some of the students just couldn't stop crying...the dam had been opened. they had put a voice to some deep seeded pain, and this was probably the first time they have had the opportunity to deal with it.
a love circle was needed before the class was dismissed, just to make sure everyone would be okay...shoot was i?
the spirit was moving in there, it was moving....i pray they keep writing through the pain and just fly. it was hard leaving them, but we will be back and will stay in touch.
sigh...if i never lived another day, they made it all worth it in that small moment. poetry live and in living color.
does it get any better....probably not....well....
B and I rocked the hell out of the District Bar, our first full length feature. We performed 8 pieces. second set Desiree did the love set LOL, and you know she left honey on the mic, and the bees did come. lol. great reactions need i say more!! LOL. after us, was a qualifying slam for IWPS....DAMN could not believe the power on the mic...one of the best slams i have been to in a very long time. did a lot of networking, hung out with some more fantastic poets....but still could not get those babies out of my mind...and i am sure i never will.
more later...

Gratitude on a whole different level....

-for all the unique and beautiful people i have met and reconnected with
-for a great traveling partner, we are good together...not getting on each other's nerves too much
-for seeing life through new eyes
-for good conversations in late night diners
-for being on the same stage with Andrea Gibson
-for no egos
-for meeting Tara, and getting lost in her eyes
-for the sweetness of Ken, think i have a crush on him
-for meeting some of the Deadly Penz, and for them really enjoying our words
-for making great connections
-for my adventurous spirit
-for being so close to God, He kissed me
-for the purity of snow
-for the kid in me
-for the wonderful kids at the Native American Charter Academy...they made it all worth it
-for the inspiration of IWPS @ Poetry and Beer (one of the best slams i have ever seen)
-for Don offering his home to us
-for warm apple caramel pie served by loving hands
-for late night phone calls making me smile
-for tears of i miss you
-for appreciating what's waiting on me at home more
-for believing in me and mine....

Day 5 and Day 6

dragged B out once more into the wildnerness. he has been so good about it. finding out the big strong big gunned brotha does not do heights...but is keeping me happy lol.
went up on Lookout Mountain, which lived up to its name for sure. full of snow, i once again was just as giddy. so what does any 38 yr old kid do, falls down in the snow and makes snow angels of course!
i stepped out on to this rocky ledge, that literally had sky below me. birds were'nt flying as high as i was lol. being that high up, my eyes prayed silently, while my lips spoke for them.
performed at a youth slam. these kids are really good. but i am still partial to our austin youth. got to judge the slam as well. that is some tough stuff. but inspired by them and vice versa.
hung out w/ ken, eddie, and jen rinaldi from denver at a local diner...damn good burgers. lots of laughing and great conversations. made me miss my neo even more. they are a strong family here.
temp dropped dramatically. poor ken, no meat on the lil man so i gave him an extra long hug...'cause you know i can keep someone warm lol.
dang, i hated leaving denver...but we must...headed out early tuesday morning for the long drive to New Mexico...
gassed up in Ratton, but the cashier stopped me dead in my tracks. i know it was Halloween, but damn...the girl was in black face, dressed as Aunt Jemima...no sir no sir. hey, this has been a trip of some quite interesting sightings...
i saw colors that just don't exist anywhere else. the trees. the horses. the sky. the mountains. i wanted to place it all in my crayon box and take it home with me. had to stop and take in the moment when the sun decided to go to sleep, i felt it was the least i could do...for the blessing the sky had given me.
made it into town, met up with Don (slammaster for team) and Eric Bodwell...it was halloween, so headed over to a party around the corner. the whole street was Halloween to the fullest, every home decorated, lines of kids at each door...pretty neat.
Still meeting the most unique people in the world. artists are the best people. eric invited us to another party up in the mountains, and to see/hear a local band. now you know i was down, always the adventurer...B just smiled and told me to have a good time. no more mountains for him, and the word gypsies really sealed the deal.
Here i am, in a toyota truck with eric, sidney and his dog milo...going higher and higher up a very dark mountain, middle of the night, world beat drums playing from the cd, going higher, no lights, drops on both sides of road, higher...uh, start getting just a lil nervous...am i fixin' to be a sacrifice or something? i mean it is halloween...then all of a sudden there is this town...don't blink...there is this bar The Mine Shaft...literally behind an apex of the mountain...streets not even paved...oh yeah this is going to interesting.
walk in, and uh yeah....i know its halloween, yeah i keep reminding myself...but it seemed this lil place was something out of the ordinary ALL THE TIME....take all this in: mainly pink people, hippies, old coal miners for real, this gorgeous 6'4 brother, dreads to his behind doing the Charleston on the dance floor, gypsies bellydancing, every once in awhile i would see white german shepards appear and just sit around...okay, this is looking a lil' vampirish lol. held my drink close. someone offered me some of the that good stuff lol, and i declined...so YOU KNOW I WAS ON EDGE....end up in some mind shaft sleeping with the dead upside down, wondering why i am allergic to the sun...no sir no sir. this is what did it for me, after the band (very good too) finished, i was talking to a local, turned back a moment...there is this girl, in all black, with black tophat on sitting on edge of stage playing a large wooden harp...so melodic, so translike, so i will meet ya guys outside LOL.

Day 4

the first thing i do each morning is walk outside and look at the snow capped mountains not to far from my reach...and whisper "thank you"...does it get any better? probably!
when in Rome do as the Romans do...watched part of the Broncos game in Hooters...man these are some serious fans here! even the harley's are bronco orange. lol.
prepared for our first slam at the Mercury Cafe aka the Merc. familiar faces. new faces. hugs and smiles from both. the house band, Neo Complex and the Word Mechanics, played while several poets read before the open mic. sorta like open mic before the open mic. the scene was just as eclectic and artsy as friday night's Cafe Nuba (its hot and its black!).
hung out a lil with some of the Denver slam team (Katie, Paulie, Ken, Sawelo-bad spelling i'm sure).
these guys are family just as much as the neo soul family, made us feel such at home.
so here was the slam, now mind you no more than 8 slots available, and THEY pick the order.
Katie from the team, was the sacrifice poet(25.9)
i was GIVEN the first damn slot lol (23.2) take it back please take it back!
Young American Eddie (23.2)
Brandon Scapula, an amazing 16yr kid. judges robbed him (18.2)
Andrea Gibson....yeah i said Andrea Gibson!! (28.5) felt like i was touched by God personally.
BFran did the damn thing too! (25.8)
Shane Romero (22.3)
Ian...great poet (28.0)
Paule Lipman, another member of the team (26.7)
straight into 2nd round and high score gets to CHOOSE where he/she wants to read...
BFran had 'em laughing (26.8) Paulie (26.2) Ian (27.3) and Andrea (28.6)
3rd round only 2 poets fight it out....no 2nd, no 3rd...though technically big brotha B got it!!
Ian scored 29.3 and Andrea took it all with 29.6...automatically earning a spot in the semi's.
it didn't matter we didn't win, i didn't even mind going out the first round. we were having so much fun, but more importantly we earned the respect of some fine poets.
i mean B and i did walk up in their house, home of the #1 slam team in the nation and did our thang fo sho! everyone showed us much love, sold a lil product, landed more gigs for a later date, and took some great pix(will post soon). wow. like i said can it get any better? probably!

Like Wow!

day 2 and 3: hit the road early...i just can't stop saying how beautiful the New Mexico area is, i mean just breathtaking....but breathtaking will not be the words for what was to come...more later.
-B and I were in awe the whole trip through New Mexico. the terrain, the rock formations jutting up into the sky, the earthy colors....God had fun here. i swear i saw indians standing warrior-like atop the plateaus, with their strong painted horses granting us passage. seriously. you knew they were here....still.
-met a mark in Las Vegas, NM who simply wanted to know he was justified beating the crap out of some guys he knew, with a bat, they broke in his home stole personal items. he didn't care about the material things, just wanted tape of his wife giving birth to their daughter. yes this is a conversation held in a gas station p-lot. he was a good man u could see it, a simple man.
-grabbed a quick bite from Johnny's Mexican Resteraunt, uh one-eyed Johnny manned the cash register. not a happy camper either....maybe cause he only has ONE eye.
-okay a caution sign: ELK Crossing next 6 miles....uh what!
-sign that read: speeds monitored by air
-look in rearview mirror and see 8 DHL trucks coming up the highway. but faraway, didn't know what type of trucks....very intimidating
-lil areas of snow popping up, can see snow capped mountains in the distance. OH MY!
-seeing antelope grazing...not deer...antelope
-at one point we came out of b's birthplace and crossed the Canadian River(canada being my birthplace)....how ironic is that?
-indie arie jamming as we are riding...Priceless
-there is a pass which divides NM from CO, which we thought would be short, turns out goes for miles and miles through the mountains. snow is everywhere but roads are clear people. i was so overcome by the beauty of it all, i cried. seriously. so damn good to be alive.
-stopped briefly at scenic loop...almost kissed the snow. threw a snowball at B...got ya!
-hit denver, nice city...uh where are the black people? the last black person we saw was about 400 miles back. hopefully at Cafe Nuba we will see a few.

Cafe Nuba is an eclectic art experience. the people, the words, the artforms, a lil of everything. a whole lot of fun.
-independent film w/ the film maker actually there. -podcast slam -dj spinning -open mic....which b and i rocked the hell out of -carlos mena and jamie kilstein were the features. jamie was hot like fire, has been on tour since august and is booked through may...will be coming to NeoSoul in feb. -the whole time poets are spitting, there are two artists on stage opposite side painting on canvas. like seriously this is some interesting shyttttt! -the whole show was just that...a show to feed you. -made some great connections...in fact a group called the Deadly Penz wants us to come back and feature at their spot in Aroura...they are going to FLY us back. okay yeah we can do that!

thank you for all the love and prayers sent this way, don't stop. dang i miss my babies, and my man (everything for a reason).
B and I are chilling today, watching the games, doing some sight seeing, writing, invited to an african dance club tonight.
we are already forgetting time and days lol.
much love

The Adventure Begins....

okay so we got on the road about 9:45am this morning. i have been up since 7am, sending off my babies with hugs and plenty of kisses. damn missing them so much already. oh i went to sleep at about 5am...do the math...its now 12:30am into friday...again do the math lol.
so it seems mr bfran wants to play a lil prank on shelle. joe b calls me said there is an issue w/the car. crap. b finally calls. what's wrong?. he starts to tell me the stickers were expired on the car rented, they didn't have any other vehicle available, so we will be driving something much smaller. like how much smaller. shelle put to you this way...i had to take a bag back home just so you can fit. what da hell!!!!! i'm freaking out a lil. tell tarik and my dad. now dad is like oh lawd in a small car in that kind of weather. he is not playing w/ you is he? no, i said b doesn't do that. so how about this mofo pulls up in a fine ass PT cruiser. whew!! gets out the car strutting and laughing...haha GOT YA!! damn bootie head...yeah he got me. he was so convincing...and yeah, he is still talking about how he got me...proud of himself i see.
on the road...beautiful day once outside of austin area. spent most of the time spitting poetry back n forth, listening to fellow poets cd's, and some great music. just being silly and laughing...
here are a few interesting things we have already experienced or seen:
--between Mullin and Zephyr, saw a very inviting fruitstand with large sign stating: Self Serv
uh like for real? there was no one there...we should of stopped.
--saw our first Starbucks in Brownwood, i instantly said "Kim"
--lots of sheep around, even saw one solo llama hanging out and chilling in the field
--came across a cotton field...instantly thought of Love and cotton pickers. the fields went on and on and on...you couldn't help but think of our past, it was sobering.
--the trees up here are turning beautiful shades of gold and crimson...looks like Fall for real
--coming up on Sweetwater we spotted some wind powered energy towers...um, then like they were everywhere we looked. they are quite intimidating up close. beautiful in an eerie way.
--stopped at resteraunt for lunch recommended to B. walked in. place goes silent. everyone turns around. seriously. lady comes from back and says i'm so sorry we ran out of chicken. huh? we don't have anymore chicken left. uh that is all you serve? yes i'm sorry. i asked again to make sure. really that's all u serve? well yes plus the vegetables. oh i look at b and we head for the door. you could hear the scene continue inside once we walked outside. uh no ma'am.
--stopped at a quick fast food place...serving you guessed it CHICKEN!! but uh i believe there was some serious inbreeding going on with the wait staff. young girl asks "where ya'll from?"...was it obvious we weren't from there LOL
--saw our first tumbleweed....damn thing had the right away straight across the highway
--at least 65yr old white woman driving a black sports car with flames painted on the side....lol, one fast grandma
--tasted best damn apple pie, covered in caramel and pecans OMG!! sweet old lady said baby i will heat it up for you, then made us a fresh pot of coffee served in ceramic mugs..like stopping there again for sure...New Deal, Tx
--um No sir no sir (huh Ms J), a black lawn jockey in Hale Center, Tx next to guess what....yep huge field of COTTON.
--stopped in Amarillo to get a camera and find a spot to access the internet. asked man in Walgreens where we could find a spot? around here? no, this side of town is SORT OF DEPRESSED, you won't find that here. i literally cocked my head to the side...depressed? I knew what he meant...but damn.

we are now in Santa Rosa, New Mexico...had to dodge the blizzard up ahead. can't wait to hit the snow tomorrow in Denver....yeah baby we riding.
hey check out Bfran's version of our trip at www.bfranmybrotherskeeper.blogspot.com
love ya'll

God is Sooooo Good

and i am grateful for it allllllll:
-my first book of poetry is done
-my first cd is done
-my first set of business cards done
-to actually sell something that i created
-to receive a gift from an angel that i didn't expect...thank you
-everything falling into place
-knowing when to say no and knowing when to say yes
-loving him
-the way he loves me
-the way mother's love their children
-stolen kisses
-my dad's smile today
-speaking up for myself
-knowing some things or some people are better for me at arm's length
........
please send up prayers for Brian and I as we venture out into the unknown. He and i are traveling to colorado and new mexico to share our love of poetry with others. it seems mother nature might have something else in store for us...so please pray for traveling grace as well.
we both will be updating our blogs daily...so check back.
this will be some adventure LOL

Gratitude Wednesdays....okay its Thursday

--seeing tawanna shine even brighter when she saw her souljahs and fellow poets front and center
--being very pleased to see him, so unexpected...still feel like a school girl sometimes
--being inspired
--hugs from strangers when words touch them
--your soft face
--road trips
--peanut butter cookies
--love songs....not sex songs
--hugs from my children
--seeing my oldest babygirl...wish she would stay
--she is so much like me
--screaming at the voices to leave me alone lol
--ms josephine's creativity...and hard work
--knowing u like to play games with the mind, but u will never have mine
--neo neo neo neo neo neo neo SOUL!!
--eventhough your show was cancelled due to weather and mixups, still got to chat a bit.
--having a good time and exposing others to the world of spoken word who have never experienced it before...UT's Campus Fusion.
--whenever he wraps his hands around these double based hips
--safely crossing an entry ramp, high grass, and a frontage road to safety ON FOOT!
--car not getting towed to the unknown lol
--for mamas that didn't birth me, but call me friend.
--for acknowledging my fears and insecurities
--for late night calls to check on me
--for my bad ass boots
--for rain
--for cool days, cooler nights
--for long gratitude lists

i caught a glimpse of us today
you know
the way we were
back then
when life was hard
but u n i were oh so sweet
yeah back then
when we were happy
together
when we were satisfied
together
childish giggles escaped
at the sight of u
caught myself falling
in love
with u
with us
i welcomed the familiar feeling
like a cool spring day
like a warm cup ot tea
like
like
an old friend
and a smile flooded my heart.

What Am I Grateful For?

-flying almost 80mph on a jet ski, wanting to go even faster. hitting wakes and jumping at least 10ft in the air....YES!!
-the warm sun
-my brother being a bartender once, damn made some good drinks...came up with a new one "sex on a boat" lol
-my adventurous lil ones and their laughter
-playing the "i love u more" game with my son. he said i love you the mostest x infinity x2 + forever +forever + always x infinity/me + you x my heart.....i do believe he won!
-that i am a damn good cook
-for Angel's heart
-for the fact only 15 days away from the biggest road trip with my Big Brotha B!
-that things are falling into place...if i just relax
-for strong women poets like Inertia
-for Neo feeling like it use to
-for Spirit Groove and watching Ms. Jackson just shine
-true friendships...may have been a detour...but we found each other again.

where u been?
why r u here now?
empty corridors of this heart
echo with heavy footsteps of regret
silver tongues carve fault lines
too far within the epicenter
for repair
keloid scars rise to the occassion
leading me back to you
leaving freshly picked scabs behind
for black crows to find
even they do not want this poison
but i drink deeply
swallow frequently
with spoonfuls of your tainted sugar
thinking one day
my immune system
will build a resistance against you
flatline tendencies daily
pleasure in resurections
as you kiss me
hold me tight
my heart can't breathe
in the distance
just past the cloud on the left
there next to the melting rainbow
the faint sound of tomorrow
is crying.

A Day In Need...Indeed

-sunday night bowling, and how about ms taylor with a 130 and 2 strikes in a row!!
-yummy herbal teas
-the fact i love to try new things
-prayer
-text messages that make you laugh on a hard day
-laying outside, gazing at the stars
-the fact i still wish on shooting stars
-good herb...lol...while laying outside, gazing at the stars while still wishing on shooting stars
-my sense of humor
-seeing through others bs
-knowing its not in me to be cruel to others
-that i have a big forgiving heart (hmm a blessing or a curse?)
-that i don't like guns or own one lol
-again, my sense of humor!

PLEASE WATCH "FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS" TONIGHT, 7PM CENTRAL ON NBC. the pilot was shot earlier this year before they called my lil..HA..brother to join the cast, so he will be in the later shows. and i do believe David, the flow of our Eb, is also in this series. it seems to be the start of a really great series...plus its centered around football...who doesn't love that!!
Check it out!!

I apologize haven't posted much lately. haven't felt like being so public lately.
people judge me enough.
until then...

So Thankful For...

-music from the heart...the real stuff
-just one student saying, "i like that"
-feeling a lil closer to God under her wings
-good game of Upwords with beautiful company and poetic wine
-inspiration
-stepping out on faith
-my younger brother auditioning for speaking part in upcoming series "Friday Night Lights".....AND GETTING IT!!
-my son's cheesy grin seeing his mom, dad, sis, uncle, grandma, and grandpa all cheering him on at the game...he is so cute
-my beautiful Taylor turning 14....she is an amazing child...and she is mine :)
-restraint
-standing in the breeze and feeling the sunshine warm my face
-watching him sleep and his dimpled smile...beautiful

More For The Day...

she received a traffic ticket, a class C misdemeanor, for knocking a child out of his shoes (who is recovering but still fighting for his life) just because your ass was in a hurry. the irony is she is a teacher. shaking head still.
------------
more what da hell on Kinky...seems an old standup routine has surfaced...uh yes he was a standup comedian...evidently he still thinks he is...anyway, yeah in the routine he did say the word nigger and several other racial remarks...interesting huh? wonder what the polls will say?
------------
Fasting and prayer is really something you must prepare yourself for, which i did not, and it is nothing to take lightly. i realize i must try my own version to become successful, and that is okay...as long as the end result is the same, right?
Much prayer and meditation
no solids during the sun hours, but i do drink herbal teas and water
no red meat or pork
limited chicken and fish, soon take out the chicken for awhile though.
much self reflection and reconnecting
being still and listening more...
next year i will prepare myself better, but for now this will do just fine. for me.
-----------
love me through this
love me through myself
teach me what it is u need
despite what u want
look past my fears
look past my smile
where i hide the best
walk in my path to understand
point the way to a new one
take my hand and lead me
sometimes i fall behind
sometimes i just fall
catch me or soften the ground
blow the dust off
dry out these wings
are you still there?
just love me through this
just love me through myself....
(letter to me from me)

Random Thoughts And Observations

What Da Hell!! KiKi Freedman, local candidate here in Austin running for office, is trying to dismiss comments made earlier in the year on CNN...said it was taken out of context...DUH don't they all say that! I found it interesting as well that he commented on the fact "when i first said this, it wasn't a problem. Now, its getting closer to election time and they (media) is finding everything they can."
So was it really taken out of context? He is not denying he said it at all. What did he say, you ask? He was on a talk show on CNN discussing his position on several platforms. The host (can't remember the name) asked about sexual predators and sentencing. Now Kiki is known to be colorful character who quite frequently says some off the wall stuff. I mean he walks around in all black with matching black cowboy hat, smoking fat ass cigars...seriously. His comment was, yeah throw them in prison and throw away the key (here is the punch line ladies and gentlemen) then have 'em listen to a NEGRO TALK TO HIMSELF ALL THE TIME.......
uh.....what the hell is that suppose to mean?
like did he just say NEGRO? probably the closest word to NIGGER he could say w/o actually saying the word, ya know. and the talking to himself...whats that all about?
shaking head...crazy mofo!
--------------
Today, in North America, is the first day of Ramadan, an Islamic holiday lasting through October 23rd. I have known a lil about this, but thanks to Angel, i am reminded just how imortant this time may be. It is a time of fasting and prayer, and since the same day it was mentioned by Angel, and the same day i refound (lol) a small book on fasting and prayer...i figured i better listen to the spirit.
It is also a time of self-control, and to cleanse the body and mind. Damn, and i need some of that fo sho!
Before the sun rises you are to enjoy a meal called sukhoor, then no other liquid or solid is to enter your mouth until after sunset...when you enjoy the meal called iftar.
I figure this also will be a good time to start eating healthy again, and to cut the meat out during this time.
more prayer and reconnecting with God, and my own inner spirit...nothing but good can come from this.
Thank you Angel for planting the seed.
-----------
Almost 2 pounds of weed, 2/3 pound of mushrooms found in Willie Nelson's tour bus...he is given a misdemeanor?
-----------
A SCHOOL TEACHER ignores flashing lights and bus stopping to pick up children. speeds around bus and knocks an 11yr old child out of his shoes, now in critical condition. no charges have been filed yet. police allowed the damn B**** to leave the scene...oh and did i mention she was talking on her cell phone at the time of the CRIME!!
------------
Fed up!!
Ramadan, Perfect timing!

Gratitude Wednesdays

--FINDING MY LONG LOST POETRY NOTEBOOK IN THE TRUNK OF KIM'S CAR!!!!! U SHOULD OF HEARD ME HOLLA
--cell phones
--my son still wanting to wave at me from across the field
--The Big Chill...my beautiful poetic family
--good heated debates w/o fist fights
--becoming a sponsor...she taught me well
--my oldest coming home...we need prayers, but at least i know she is safe
--purging a garage
--finding my past, crying, letting go
--great sunday dinners made by my hands feeding a housefull, and getting the "itis"
--ladies night in...always a good thing to reconnect with our own
--cooler weather
-shooting stars and wishes

just a tease...

liquid pearl drops
adorn full pink lips
her favorite sweetness
his favorite weakness
letting her drink him into heaven
without judgement
without sin
eases his hardness
into her softness
no movement
just sanctuary
within her temple
their bodies meditate
realigning chakras
his hands knead away
at the subtleties and thickness
of her curves
caresses the underside of her thigh
to go deeper into her playground
soft breaths whisper secrets
across her neckline
into her hair
the scent of raspberries and vanilla
intoxicates his senses
so his tongue seeks its own inebriation
inside her mouth........

Gratitude Wednesdays

--seeing my son play football for the first time, they won! not biting my fingers completely off...and knowing it was MY son by the untied shoe laces LOL
--celebrating life with good family and people, good laughs, good drink, good dominoes, and damn good poetry
--the belief in love no matter what
--rereading old journals and laughing...who the HELL was that girl!!
--rereading old journals and crying...i still have work to do...but realizing, i have come so far as well.
--seeing Taylor just being a girl in all her glory...sigh...growing up so fast
--standing in the rain and feeling every drop...being in the moment
--cotton candy skies and cool nights...yeah the weather is changing!!

She (work in progress)

cascading memories fall gently from my locks
secrets kept tightly within each curl
wound around fingers
slight tugs
i submit
neck exposed
full tilt
desires overwhelm me
my need satisfies you
reciprocation at its finest.

licked away the residue of anyone before you
even after you
left behind a scent so strong
who could even compare
whosever divide these thighs
cannot conquer the land you laid claim to
a thirst unquenchable
insanity at its finest.

where has your path led ?
what dusty roads or cool meadows
have felt the destiny of your soft feet
imprinted deeply into their nature?
did the sun feel your heat?
did the rain feel your wetness?
what secrets whispered into the wind?
what raging waters calmed?
did lightning spew from your fingertips
to light up the night?
a Goddess at her finest.

long wet black tresses signed your name
permanently across soft curves
eternity held within a moment
encased in featherbed time
you are the reason i love the color mauve
the hue of your treasure
the tint of our sky
the night you fingerpainted my blues away
art at its finest.

memories deliciously stir taboos
makes men wonder why i smile the way i do
makes women secretly want what i could do
sutras kept within corners of yesterday
still within reach
so at that very moment
the one lingering between heaven and hell
she will see the only she reflected within my eyes
taught well by passion at its finest.

A Few Things

Brandy's questions:
1. what is the most under-rated thing about you, and why do you value it more than others do?
--my strength, i even at times under-rate it. but i know because of it, i have risen above and walked through so much. people often mistake this constant smile and my good heart for weakness...ahh but don't back me in a corner lol.
2. what is the most over-rated thing about you, and why do you value it less than others do?
--that i am some oversexed goddess or sex kitten trying to seduce men and women alike...goddess yes, love sex yes, but come on please! i have had a few laughs (and a few tears) over this description of myself...but i am so much ...SO MUCH MORE.
3. whose relationship do you admire, and why?
--in my life right now, it would have to be my Babygirl Eboni and David. He is her everything, and she is his all. I love seeing how he looks at her, the way they seem to blend into one another, the way he calms her, the way she strengthens him...their beautiful love continues to grow, their possibilities are endless.
------------------------
i have seen Idlewild twice now, and will see it again if the opportunity arises...second time though this really hit me over the head when i heard it: the one least invested in the relationship has the greatest control!
i mean it doesn't get any plainer than that....
any thoughts or comments?
------------------------

Gratitude Wednesdays...umm into thursdays

1. laughing with you. your wise words about him. about her. the time you taught me how to cook a favorite recipe of yours...now mine. me covered in flour, and you so proud of your apprentice. remembering where the tape was...always making me feel like family from the first moment.
2. decorating and cleaning like crazy...must be something in the air.
3. the neosoul maid service
4. enjoying a relaxing time at home on a wednesday night. not feeling like i HAD to go.
5. cooking for and nourishing my family. i love to cook
6. for baby steps
7. for dancing my behind off sunday night with a pretty good partner
8. realizing its the moments of the now that truly count...expectations mean nothing
9. when he says i want it to be better
10. knowing just how precious life is, and not wasting time on the drama
11. loving these cooler days and nights!!!!

More Questions

Slump Facade asked:
1. Do you believe in love at first sight, if so, tell me how you would know it...and has it happened to you?
--i am such a romantic, so yes i do believe. i can't truly explain it, one just knows. i have experienced this twice in this lifetime. we felt this "energy" or something go through us when we shook hands and a gaze that was seemingly suspended in time. very passionate love affair soon ensued...two for the books...no regrets
2. If you could get a foot massage from any man, who would it be and why?
--would have to be someone with a foot fetish. guaranteed no toe will go unnoticed, and no rush jobs. hmmm wonder if Denzel is available?
3. If God were a woman and she asked you to take her place for a day, who would be the first person you'd send to Hell?
--HA!! George Bush and all of his cabinet...both terms!!

Copasetic:
1. How did you feel performing in front of so many of your poetic peers...those you look up to?
DID U SEE THAT BIG CHEESY GRIN ON MY FACE WHEN WE WALKED ON STAGE THE FIRST TIME? it was all so surreal, very humbling. kept telling myself OMG!BREATHE!OMG!BREATHE!..nothing like the first time ya know!
2. At what age did the big CHANGE happen to start you on the road currently being traveled?
--by change do you mean really understanding who i am? it would of been may 26, 2004...first time i read poetry outloud on the mic. spoken word has truly allowed me to recreate ME...to understand, to teach, to love me.
3. Why don't i have a picture WITH you?
--i was thinking the same...well next time

Koffee:
1. What inspires you to write?
--my healing, my life, and love
2. What did your 1st time (on the mic) feel like?
palms sweaty, whole body shaking, voice cracking....whew! but liberating
3. Three adjectives to describe your style?
--multifaceted, sometimes sexy, self reflective

Sarah:
1. If you could live anywhere in the world for the rest of your life, where would it be and why?
--maybe somewhere in alaska. huge 3 story cabin on the water's edge. lots of wilderness and animals...only nice bears please! yes i am a nature girl.
2. What did you want to be when you grew up?
--a vet, a dancer, a professional artist, and a millionaire so i could have a huge mansion for all the starving children in africa to live in (thought i could rescue the world then)
3. If you had to lose your sight or your hearing which one would you pick and why?
--i would hate not being able to hear my children's voices any longer, but would sacrifice it. not being able to see their faces would drive me insane, a smile, a tear, sunsets, water, flowers...i mean all the things we look pass and take for granted.

Full Disclosure

I will begin to post the questions others have already asked...by the way some really good ones...then will answer by tomorrow evening. Also will post others as they come, so come back...all are welcome
Eboni:
1. What is your favorite poem, and why?
--i am not sure if there is ONE favorite, several speak to me at different moments in my life. Phenomenal Woman because of its affirmation, A Poem Ran down My Arm by Alice Walker because of the purest form of love at the time, Poe's The Raven because of its insanity and darkness...ok enough for now
2. Not as a race, just as a color, what color would you be, and why?
--the color mauve, a combination of pinks and purples that exist beautifully together. its the color in wildflowers, in sunsets and the quiet moment before dawn, its the color of love.
3. What is one of your biggest fears, and why?
--damn, not living up to my full potential in the time i have left. i have spent a lot of time in fear and asleep, now that i am finally awakening into my SELF...will i have enough time?

Kim:
1. If you were allowed a secret language that could begin with only 1 letter, which letter would you choose, and why?
-- it would be the letter 'm', it is a softer sound, the lips come together then push the next letter out, it is also the sound of satisfaction, ecstasy, agreement, question and confusion...depending upon the variation of the sound of m
2. If you could be a poem (live literally on the lips, heart and mind of another) which would you be?
--it would be a love poem, though i don't think my heart has created it yet
3. True love or companionship? why?
--i know what companionship feels like, though secure and possibly life long, i struggle with the monotony of it....i yearn for the passion and unpredictability of true love.

Angel:
1. If Michelle & Desiree could both look like anything, what would that be?
--besides the hellified woman i am now LOL...umm a fairy butterfly, long whispy wings, dark hair down to my toes, with a devil's tail OR the ocean right at the edge of a jetty hiding a mermaid.
2. If you could have been a dancer in ANY music video, what video/song would that have been?
--first, i would of loved to had been the one shooting the video for D'Angelo...you know the one! I also would of liked to have been a dancer in any of Missy 's latest, her videos always look like a lot of fun.
3. What is your favorite childhood memory of elementary school?
--2nd grade, Sacred Heart Catholic School's weekly Show-n-Tell Day...i was always bringing some kind of creature to school...from bugs to turtles to furry things lol. i just knew i was going to be a vet, and loved showing off my animal expertise...never did find that dang lizard that got out LOL.

Grateful Wednesday...

i use to keep a journal specifically for this...been awhile, perhaps it has come back around for a reason.
1. reaching out and feeling soft hairs on a strong arm
2. knowing my strength and comfort resides within these 4 walls
3. allowing myself to just 'be', and loving it
4. enjoying seeing 'me' finally unfolding
5. staying in my lane LOL
6. realizing letting go is necessary
7. realizing fighting for something good is just as necessary
8. my mother calling me just to say hello
9. getting lost in a good book
10. writing for the pure passion of it again
11. pleased the 'diva' still resides within
--------------
oh yeah, another blogger also started the 'ask me anything, and i will answer'...3 questions of whatever...seriously, and i will answer. oh boy!!

Bits & Pieces

someone asked me why do i write?
i write because one day a poet spoke to the child in me, who was dying for the woman within to live again.
she rolled back the boulder and took the bindings from my eyes and my mouth, wrapped so tightly...she had to speak to me in sign language.
retaught the pain and the rainbows to exist again...

....everyday, i write my conception on placenta walls in utero just to be reborn, just because i want to feel my growing pains.
the cord between life and death is a brief one, so push and stretch past all boundaries...even if it snaps back at times.....

......those yet to come
prayers of redemption
revolutions started
love stories created
death resurrected.....

....to make sure their story
our story
my story
continues

that is why i write
------------------------------------------
...happy birthday.

I Am Dying Ova Here

ARGGGGGGH! I have misplaced a very important poetry notebook...realizing i haven't really seen it since Nationals...oh the agony, i am in mourning...please poet god's return your gift to me.

Lately, i have had some major career things drop in my lap...and with this latest one, i must say i am a bit scared. now i am not looking for sympathy comments or the attention, its just how i am feeling right now...and i am entitled to it, its part of the growth i guess...owning the feeling, and just letting it be for the moment.
will i be enough?
will i live up to the expectations?
am i enough?
i believe it stems from past feelings of inadequacy. relationships with men and women. men not willing to fight for something that could of been beautiful, or cheating situations...which of course is great for a woman's sense of self. if i had been enough, then why aren't you still around? or if i had been enough, then why did you have to look outside of 'us' to be fufilled? or friends who left without a second thought? i have always tried to be that perfect daughter, friend, girlfriend, student, mother, employee, etc....but seemingly always fallen short. when i see things going really good, i am great at self sabatoging. either i will walk away from it all, or procrastinate so much to the point failure is inevitable.
wow. yeah i guess i do.
now that is a hard pill to swallow...but swallowing nonetheless.
i know i am a good person, and i deserve good things...but i cannot help but to feel unworthy of such gifts.
i am scared i will mess up or not live up to my potential.
but how will i know if i don't at least try?
or give myself the benefit of the doubt?
not a pity party...
just talking myself through this ya'll...that's all

i loved you more
yesterday
than i do today,
and will love you even less
tomorrow...
unless,
my yesterdays are willing to make them remember...

Top 10 Reasons Why "Idlewild" was such A Damn Good Movie:

10. it was nothing i expected
9. the dance scenes were fantastic
8. cinematography was beautiful
7. sigh Terrance Howard, why does he always have to be soooo bad, 'cause he plays it sooooo damn good!
6. it will make you laugh, cry, get pissed off, talk to the screen, say what da hell!! all at once
5. it will re-establish any previous crushes on Andre, the man is quirky and eccentric, 2 wonderful qualities...and just damn beautiful...yes i am weird!
4. no white people, no offense...but you know what i mean (hey my mom is white, so don't get it twisted)
3. story lines, and there were a few, were interwoven perfectly...and were good
2. knowing there is nothing out there, past or present, like this movie
1. seeing trey run after the 104.3 radio van to get a much coveted Idlewild soundtrack CD....haha got mine too, but no running for mine heehee

can you tell i really liked it? sneak preview passes are great!! thanks for the heads up Joe B. Only thing missing? More of the crew (like you and the cruzan), but i know issues came up and strings were tightened.
Go see it people.
peace

nothing like a good debate...love it...teamie, a few months ago you would of shot everyone the bird and walked out the front door...i see you...smile

bluebonnet slam kicked my ass, but patting myself on the shoulder for spreading my wings a lil...great experience...will be back next year with force!

albq. wants team neosoul to come through on a mini tour in december...like fo real yo...wow
uh, this will uh be a true testament to what we are made of lol...ummm can't wait to see the snow....YEAH!!

so now i will finish the ______(sigh) told you i was a procrastinator dammit!

T is pissed at me right now...get over it...well it seems, while he was sleeping...um i cut off his mustache!
i wouldn't even call it a damn mustache, more like part hitler part fuzzy worm...my god i hated it!! guess i got a lil too scissor happy, and before i knew i had cut the whole thing off!! i'm chuckling now...quite mischievous of me heehee. woke him up when i was going in for the nose hair.
good think i have quick reflexes lol, otherwise he would of had his first piercing...
cracking myself up over here!!
i was like "oh, you look so handsome"
you know trying to butter him up...he looks at me weird as i have this really sweet innocent grin on my face lol...looks in the mirror, and you could tell his mouth was fixing to form some really fowl shit...he just put his head down and said "thank you, but i..." he didn't finish the sentence...instead stuck a toothbrush in his mouth...probably best.
well, you look very handsome i say, and skipped out of the room.
oh well
it will grow back
and i will be waiting LOL LOL LOL

I have officially awakened from my coma...seriously, like i have felt so out of it since sunday...i am alive now. i am still reeling from last week, still floating, still smiling...reality slowly setting in LOL
like damn, you can tell i wasn't home for almost a week.
and why has every fish in the tank bellied up except for one tough mofo...don't ask 'cause i still haven't got the full story myself...so i don't ask anymore either lol
kids started school monday...yeah!! my poor babies were bored to death this summer....42 PRACTICES!!! so they were ready to say the least.
my babyboy will be playing football this year. i have mixed emotions of course, he is skinny as a rail...but damn he can run. hopefully AWAY from all the big boys. and it didn't help at the parent's meeting last night that the coach informed us they average 2-3 broken arms per season......WHAT DA HELL!! i was so vivid with my reaction he pointed me out!! needless to say i will be a wreck at each and every game.
why didn't i have one damn camera last week? seriously....so please people help me out with copies...i am a duh duh head.
still thinking about it all...like does it get any better than this?
i feel so blessed
so humbled...

LIKE....WOW!!

i am still trying to wrap my mind around this past week
trying to find the words...even still
where to start? how about the end...
we never expected to get as far as we did, we did want to at least get to semi's...like wow we made it alllll the way to the FINAL stage!
its hard for me to even type the words...we are ranked second in the nation, and the top ranked texas team.
it was bittersweet not being up there with our sister team, the austin slam team...they have showed us nothing but love...thanku...i know without them there would be no us ya know.
the support shown by the neosoul crowd was amazing. they were there everynight cheering us on...i am sure i can speak for the team on this one..."THANKYOU, from the bottom of our hearts. Words are not enough for the show of support you have shown each one of us."
the poets i have long admired...
-rachel and anis make me want to throw away all my notebooks and pens for i am not worthy
the new friends i have made...
the words i have heard...
the lil moments, that proved to be most memorable...
-receiving a hug from Rachel, after giving her a cup of my hot tea (we were both having voice issues...i am still messed up)
-taylor mali wanting to speak to me about my piece, i was in such awe standing before him...i don't remember the whole conversation...dammit
-the tight hugs from women who appreciated the importance of 'dollology'
-kim and i having a moment...we did it girl
-seeing my baby brother with open arms for me on the final stage
-seeing the proud look on my daddy's face every damn night....been waiting for that for years now
-when you said you missed me....me too...me too
-seeing my brotha joe b. on a street corner with about 30-40 other poets singing his ass off...ON TOP OF THE MUTHFUCKIN' WORLD...JUST SHINING'!!
-watching erin leave her heart on stage, getting through the tears with encouragement...she speaks from the purest place...i believe one of the most unappreciated poets though
-meeting copasetic soul for the very first time, but feeling like old friends
-breaking down into a bubblin' mess @ ego's during semi's, so much just pent up inside...i knew before anyone said a word, after 'voices' we would be in finals...i just knew...sooo overwhelming
-watching kim's reaction after realizing where we were ranked wed. night....priceless!
-ok so i have a million more, but this blog space is not big enough for them alllllll.
it has been so humbling...i want to keep this feeling always.
i am sure all this week's blogs will be about nat's...so i apologize now.
i think it will be a couple of days, if not longer, before i start writing again...what i have seen and heard last week...i realize i am such a baby still when it comes to writing and performance.
but i feel the words brewing deep...so much more inside wanting to be freed ya know...just waiting for the damn to release, and hope that i am ready.
my teammates...well, got some words for you too...just not right now...but damn i love ya'll!

Our 15minutes.....

http://www.austinchronicle.com/gyrobase/Issue/story?oid=oid%3A392258

a rhythm out of sync
nevertheless a rhythm
offbeat days
synchronicity evades bedsheets
missed steps
along with missed lips
a continuous dance around the obvious
waiting for the endless song to end
or hear someone cut in
"may i have this dance?"

to change partners

or change dj's

...just change

random

slept in too long
dang vicadin
damn back
wonderful vicadin
2 cups of coffee
answer emails
this girl is pathetic
but been there
but never been this pathetic
hold that thought
he might need a restraining order soon
finding my voice
just piss me off
lol
you and i kicked ass last night
things are never as they seem
we learning
life is funny
always interesting
just hold on
next moment is better
i promise
3rd cup of coffee
damn its august
double damn nationals is next week
triple quadruple shit!!
our first bout is next wednesday
WE ARE READY!!
get it done
get the book done
front cover babeeeeeeeee!!
type
write
type
memorize
write
when?
now
right now!
memorize
when?
alllll the time!
finish the goddamn book
get off the blog
so u can finish the damn book!
shower
wash hair
memorize
where?
THERE!
in the shower
practice
write
type
get off the computer
bye bye!
i have seriously lost it!

i fell in love with the thought of you
lived among the pauses
inhaled during commas
released after periods

i caught the kiss you blew my way
felt it warm my cheek
then gently removed it
placed it a glass box
with crystal ribbons
added it to my curio cabinet
of curiousities
right next to your pillow talk
and corner of your heart
kept in a wooden box
you had diligently carved
for its safekeeping

locked tight without a key
i never had the answer
but i feel it still sometimes
when my mind is quiet
sweet nothings escape
through intended pinholes
lapping at my earlobes
until childish giggles emerge from my throat

beckoning purity to return to its origin

the two dance across my soft curves

spinning 'round and 'round

only to be carried lovingly

back through iron keyholes

where the solid sound of a beat could be heard

We All Want To Feel Someone Is Listening

he is already a man beyond his years
though his baby face embraces his young age
of 14
he fights desperately not to become yet another statistic
i pray statistics don't find him
i also pray he will one day catch the first thing smoking
out of there,
like the one he watches daily cross his side of town
still he will never forget his roots
will one day return to plant seeds
this i pray
he sits at the end of a long table
casually engaging in conversations around him
he knows without a doubt he is more than his peers
but still alone
because he might as well been talking in the wind
but the wind carried his words to my ears
played sweet melodies across my earlobes
before i threw open the windows to my mind
for he is a poet
struggling with this world he will have to fight daily
just because he was born a beautiful black child
just because his favorite artist at this age is Thelonious Monk
just because he carries a pen, a folder with dog-eared looseleaf paper,
and all of his written work with him everywhere he goes
just because he said to me slightly above a whisper,
"I really appreciate your work, its hard out here for a black man like myself..."
he held his head down...
"and if you haven't noticed, no one really wants to listen to me"
i fought back tears,
the way he looked at me convinced me he saw them anyway
"baby, i do. i hear you. you matter more than you will ever know. don't ever stop writing. i will keep your words within my mind for safekeeping...until we meet again."
he cocked his head to the side, and smiled
we were instantly connected through time
held conversations in ancient languages without a word spoken
recited poetry written with charcoal tipped sticks on cavern walls
between a smile and an understanding
he watched me closely as i left
and i watched him sit a lil straighter
he pulled his pen out from behind his ear
began to write again
as if his life depended on it.
...i guess it does

i told a tree outside...
" you better bow when he walks by"

the eyes are the windows to the soul, they say
so i turn my gaze from God
and look into the eyes of heaven
on the brink of hell
darker than the secrets left behind

nightmares cast shadows on walls
into corners of memories
warrior tendencies fall upon deaf ears
but i still see
just below your surface
past the self mutilations
and keloid scars

marks left behind for someone
anyone
to find you
to shout to the world
I AM HERE
but evil lurks still
in backs of throats
stealing life before words
ever spoken

through cracked mirrors
and broken sillouettes
shards of yesterday
embed deep within
squeeze any part
to splinter true reflections

eyes cannot hide
what the tongue attempts to do
tear soaked carpets because
pillows refuse to hold another drop
refuses to be held over your face
refuses to cut off life

so breathe

breathe again

now once more

let the heat burn
feel what its like
to stand on the brink of hell
flames tickling your toes
stare into the demon's eyes
inhale the brimstone
remember
and smile...

i will still search for you
digging my fingers into your transperancy
past atrophying muscle
and diseased heart chambers
scratching the blackness behind your eyes
with chipped nails

just so you can see what i see
and simply love it enough
to love yourself again

Most Days It Feels Real Good

Flava In Your Ear...yeah yeah baby, we won. Ma and Pops finally got to see me in action. smile. they're was some really great work up on that stage. the love from the Austin Slam Team has been beautiful and very supportive. feels like one team, not 2. quite impressed with Chucky from Ft. Worth, he is one of those poet's who simply just defies logic! Chris Lee, my baby's daddy :), can just rip your heart out sometimes, and my baby Ebony...do the damn thang girl.
Congratulations Jono for winning the Make It Wet Spit Fest! The next Spit Fest is in October, if you haven't been to one yet check it out, 'cause it is always a hot show/slam. Love should be very proud of her baby. it all starts with a dream right? BFran's Poetic House Party once again was INSANE!
We hadn't had one in a minute, and it was long overdue, but worth the wait for sure. Let's see....57 DIFFERENT POETS graced his living room carpet, Saturday night...not including repeat poets. the energy is always good in his house, and it shows. needless to say the poetry finally tapered off around 4:30 am Sunday morning, but of course the fun still ensued. about 20 poets found a spot to rest there heads, but uh no!! thanks to the lovely boys (and nicole) from Dallas!! it was like lil kids who couldn't go to sleep, so they wouldn't let anyone else sleep either...too funny, and we laughed so hard most of the morning...poor Element, still don't think he can breathe right!

sidenote: we have lost one of our great venues here down south. Free Verse Fridays @ the Continental Cafe in SA...the mic fell forever silent friday night.

Our beloved Tweetie (and his brisket) was noticeably absent from the house party, please send prayers his way even if you don't know him personally.

Every party, there has always been that one memorable moment. most times its some drunk ass peeing in a chair, getting thrown into an oven (seriously), but this time it was a connection of love...a new additon to our neo soul family. her name is Rockie. i think i have a bit of a crush on her.(geez) smile. besides her obvious physical beauty, she is beauty personified inside as well, and a passionate true poet. we first met her in Corpus (also a member of their team). She has been yearning for a connection with her own...seems it is lacking in Corpus...searching for a place to call home and the need for 'family'...not to say she doesn't have it with her team...but you know. what she experienced over the weekend was overwhelming for her--in a good way.
the need for connection and identity is a such a deep seeded craving. understood.
we got ya baby, we got ya!
like i said...most days...like saturday...it feels real good
and those are the days i try to remember the most.

screams heard in the forethought
of a splintered mind
a crescendo of echoes
fade into the afterthought
tucked
again
neatly away
within corners of a smile
the edges becoming heavy
so grandmother comes at night
collecting diamonds left on pillows
threading tear ducts close
a sweet whisper finding its way
through dream catchers
"don't forget where you come from"
--------------
i wrote this thinking of my grandmother, which i do frequently...but moreso this time of year since her birthday is coming up. its been awhile since she has been physically gone from this world...but i know she is always with me...reminding me...still teaching me.
i know she is proud of what i am doing now
she was a helluva woman
wish ya could of met her

it felt really good having my babygirl with me last night at Neo...though far from being a baby, she is MY baby. We butt heads a lot, but she will always be my daughter and i will always be her mother. she decided life would be better not living with her immediate family, so she has ventured out into the real world. i worry about her constantly, but know she must find out on her own. she misses home, though not ready for home rules. i miss her more than she knows. she finally got a job. no school yet, but said she will try to go back to Job corps in the fall. i'm crossing my fingers. my babygirl, always been head strong. i just want the best for her, but realize sadly i can't do that for her...she has to see what's best for herself. *sigh*

i can be so oversensitive to my environment at times. whether its people, feelings, my surroundings, or the 'other' world speaking to me wanting to be seen/heard.
i have always been this way.
sometimes it is quite helpful...has saved my life on more than one occassion...paying attention to the signs and the voices. i have seen things happen before it comes to be, and have seen things from the past thru inanimate objects. i don't say lifeless objects because my belief is everything has a soul, and carries imprints of life with it through time.
one reason i have a fascination with thrift and antique stores. but sometimes the stories are too much and i must leave. dang i sound really wierd now that i'm rereading this...so be it...what else is new. lol
i remember my father asking me at a very young age, like 6 or 7, about people he came in contact with and what i thought...i mean at that age all i knew was they are nice daddy or they are bad daddy. and he would listen to me.
my grandmother and great grandmother on my father's side had the same intuition, and my mother was once a practicing witch (sometimes she is still a witch, but under different context lol)
i like this side of me, and i want to explore more of it...fine tune it per say. i believe this 6th sense resides in us all, its just whether or not we choose to listen.
its my oversensitivity to people that drives me nuts! i have got to work on it, and not take things so personally. have to come to grips with sometimes people just don't like you for no reason at all...not fair, but it is what it is...and i have got to be cool with that. stop trying to bend over backwards to please and be likeable.(feels like highschool bs anyway- trying to befriend all the bullies) realize they are just as fucked up as you are, and the only person i can control is myself right, angel?
right.
working on trusting that first feeling.
working on listening to the voice.
working on pleasing me

When i don't talk to Him often or stay on the path He has blessed me with, He will lovingly remind me, "Child, where ya been? Come to me not only in the bad times, but good times, too."
thank you
I recently went to a Yolanda Adams' concert which in itself was a shower of blessings, but was reminded of what God truly KEEPS US FROM.
We keep Him busy fo sho!
One point emphasized was if you really want to see His power...ask Him to show you the true nature of people around you, but be ready for what He will reveal to you. be ready for all the pain and ugliness.
I want to throw my rose colored glasses back on and return to my psuedo naivete.
He will even show you what He keeps you from in your OWN family.
hey i asked for it...
so what now?
skin grows a lil thicker
i still will love hard
just love my self harder
still believe the best in people
and hope people see the best in me as well
don't forget what i am here for
don't forget who REALLY IS IN CONTROL
and really believe the words "no weapon formed against me shall prosper"
----------------
we have a night off from practice. yeah! we have been working really hard!
everyone will actually be home this evening at a descent hour, which means i can work some of my magic in the kitchen for a change.
i love to cook, even more so for others.
yes, i am a pleaser ..both a good thing and my downfall. oh well

GO SEE IT!!

Yeah, family time....forgot what that was for a minute
Saw Pirates Of The Carribean last night...like WOW!!
be prepared for movie bootie though, its approx. 2 1/2 hours long...
rarely does a sequel superceed the original, this one won the platinum medal hands down
down side: 2 large drinks $8.50...remind me next time to bring a big purse like a use to!

a bucket of peanuts, and male bonding has never been funnier...sorry delicate flower (with thorns), don't be too mad...but they were cute.

Sometimes....

...I wish i wasn't a poet
...I don't want to feel a damn thing
...I deserve a bad day without fucking smiling thru it all
...I wish i was a bird. something really big. I would fly over you and shit in your hair and claw your beautiful eyes out with my talons. I would tear away at your flesh while you watched, but quickly spit your heart out for it tastes like poison.
...it must be said
...i say nothing at all
...i need my Grandma back, but my arms aren't long enough nor my wings strong enough
...i want to laugh til it hurts again
...i want to cry but i can't
...i cry because i no longer laugh
...i laugh to keep from crying
...i just don't make sense
...its okay
...most days its not
...like today, i need you
...i wish i didn't want u so much
...people think they know who i'm talking about
...let them think what they want
...i just don't give a damn
...like today, this is one of those days
...i just need to hide under the covers
...like now...i'm going back to bed

i roll the liquidness of your insanity
between my thumb and forefinger
watch it split
morph
come together again
like mercury drops
play with it
in the palms of my hands
feel it race across life lines
reconnect jagged lines
a bit more

your colors change often
never staying in the rainbows for long
always returning to black
having absorbed so much
there is no room
for any other shade
except for grey
and even that
is much too bright for you

i glide you
along the edges
of my hands
across fingertips
creating trails
leading to nowhere
before i throw your lucidity high
up in the air

for a moment
you had wings
for a moment
thought you would finally fly

soon felt yourself free falling
through non-existant sanity
even the ground pulled back
not wanting to feel your feet

so i caught you

on the tip of my tongue
savored you for a moment
as you eased between my lips
the warmth inside
began to meltaway the darkness

thought i heard you laughing
as you slid slowly
down my throat
for you knew
it was safer there
among the flowers
you once planted

Not Even Tide Can Wash Away Your Dirty Lil Secret

Funny what can be found in pockets while doing the laundry.....

i tried last night to love you, but my heart never showed up. silence hung heavy, like a rain soaked wool sweater draped across our shoulders. eyes never meeting. fork. spoon. food looks good. i want to be somewhere else. wonder what the kids are doing? salt shaker. our yesteryears hung its head in shame. we have become what we said we never would be-strangers. or is it we are just continuing what we have always been-safe obligations? i chose this. i know this. taken my responsibility for this. tired of trying for this. no longer want this.
but...
2 pairs of young eyes watch me. closely. very protective of their patriarchial warrior. i understand. 'cause i once was too. they do not know of his fall from grace, playing with goddesses not his own. daily, i sweep the truth under worn rugs matching the decor in our home. they see only momma's tarnished wings trying to fly from her guilded cage. their false paradise. i try to keep the rain away. push back clouds with lies. create rainbows within my hair. and sunshines within my smiles. sorta like the ones posted on the fridge. but i know you two are smarter than that...i promise this time to do better in your eyes...even if it means worshipping your golden calf.

i lay upon a bed of fear
under stars of forgiveness
watching dreams fade away
on tails of comets
smoke curls from my lips
dancing and twirling
like a ballerina on air
before fading into ethers
of what was
i draw in the air quickly
just to keep her dancing
there will be no encore tonight

refusing to let them fall

held back too long

tears start to ebb
from under toenails
look closely
through transparent skin
which has done well
in chameleon ways

i continue the dance
of yesterday
of today
right into tomorrow
desperately searching
for a copper penny
to place atop destiny's arm
of my life's record
so i can
so i can
so i can
sing a new song

Ask and You Shall Receive....

So a fellow poet and blogger, has it seems, a foot fetish. Not a problem, as long as it does not get out of control. Just remembering recent news report of a woman unlocking her car door, only to feel something licking her feet...not a dog...but a man had been waiting under her car for her...now that is toooooo extreme! I am extremely ticklish on my toes, so he would be missing most of his grill for sure.
Anyway, he posted on his blog a few questions to be answered by the ladies. I like pretty feet too, soooo here goes:
1)What is first priority when purchasing a shoe-looks or comfort?
well, of course, the LOOK
2)What is the most you would pay for a "dress stilletto"?
i have been known to sell unneeded organs for the perfect shoe
3)Which type of shoes do you own more of, "one hour wears" or "all day wears"?
one hour wears
4)What is more important when purchasing a shoe, designer or look?
the look...Prada does not automatically mean cute!
5)Shoe preference-high heel, wedge heel, short heel, or flats?
Higher the better
6)What is most important piece of your wardrobe-shoes, hat, or handbag?
I got a thing for purses too, but i believe the shoes will outdo them all
7)Do you associate cost of shoe with quality?
not at all
8)Is your dress style defined by shoes or clothes?
mainly my clothes, but sometimes i will buy the perfect shoe first then build the outfit around it.
If shoes, how do youre shoes enhance your "look", attitude, or personality?
shoes can make u or break u at times. what is one of the first things we as women do...scan down to the shoes! Sexy cute shoes will enhance an attitude!
9)If you only had $50, which would you choose to purchase-dinner or a pedicure?
dinner
10)How frequent are your pedicures, per month?
i don't like pedicures from a salon, not the best for you...prefer my own. more so in the spring and summer months than fall and winter.
11)How often do you get foot massages?
never enough
12)Is having someone paint your toes sexy, why?
Oh GOD YES!!
Also, would you pay to have it done, if so how much?
uh no, that enjoyment is only between two people who are feeling one another
13)How important is the beautification of your feet to your overall level of confidence?
pretty feet are important but i wouldn't equate it with overall confidence
14)Do you feel sexier when feet are made up?
of course, nothing sexy about crusty-ashy feet
15)Do you wear foot jewelry, ankle bracelets?
i wear a snake toe ring on one foot and silver double band on the other, the band i change out with others at times.
16)If you could purchase a perfume for your feet, what would be the scent?
a combination i already wear...pure seduction and vanilla