Thursday, January 31, 2008

Reminded Everyday...

--for the Creator & She, and the the breath they allow to fill these lungs
--for the nights the words will not let me sleep
--for reconnecting with my beautiful cousins, nice to know as long as i have been looking for have been looking for me
--for taylor bringing all her grades up and having more confidence in math now YEAH!
--for the sanctuary of my bedroom...and peace of mind
--for real talk...because i love you
--for writing poems together just for her
--for being that excited lil boy...u r too cute
--for you trusting me with your heart
--for a lil bit of sunshine on the dark days
--for just hanging out and being silly girl
--for the addiction of text twist
--for good books and good music
--for paying attention to the feeling in my gut...sux..but necessary
--for those of you who care enough to you

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


i had forgotten about this lil' gem of a book...

...empower yourself to take full and complete charge of your life. reclaim the personal power that you never should have lost in the first place--and come to know that you never really did. feel the breadth of your own power: the power to feel deeply, the power to trust your own voice, the power to create and bring forth life. learn the true meaning of power: how to use it and not abuse it; how to stand in your power without stepping on anyone else's. join with other women to empower each other. summon up the inner will to co-create meaningful and joy-filled lives. empower yourself to take control of your financial life and to prevent others for taking control of your emotional life. remember: you have the power to empower, and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise has absolutely no power over you.--365 words of well-being for women by rachel snyder

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

'cause lately i am all over the place...

Stand in your own fragile skin and claim are more resiliant than you care to believe.
broken glass shards carve love notes in distorted reflections.
will she ever see herself the same again?
fingers tracing slowly,
the fault lines etched in her skin feel like home
tell me you give a damn
tell me i am your everything
that you are a better person having met me
that it matters i am here
tell me you give a damn
that we can start revolutions together
can create a love story to make even Valentino jealous
that we can make babies together
not literally...well if you want to...
lil creations and windstorms
growing into greatness
there are no children here
their laughs and smiles broken
trampled in the grooves
of freedom's boot
innocence laid out
sacrificed unwillingly
locked yourself in a prison
with bars of cold duality metal confusion
borderline schizophrenia edging the cell
i don't care about your past
i need your future
release the past with grace
raindrops fall
sounding like hollow tipped bullets
exploding against my head
as memories play like a silent movie
contained in the silver lining of your sweet tongue
i swallowed your pride
so you could save face
there will never be enough time....

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Thankful Thursdays...

--for the Creator & She
--for fairies and their magic
--for fun fight parties
--for my kick ass card partner, we held it down once again
--for hugs, real ones...
--for hanging out with my family at the festival...felt good to laugh with you again
--for knowing this arrangement is the best for right now
--for the beautiful women of NeoSoul...i mean damn
--for one step closer to getting this business off the ground
--for making goals and sticking to them
--for more herbal tea, and less coffee
--for having internet connection again, may be sloww azz dialup but hey
--for 70 more days
--for KNOWING i am my own best friend and my own worse enemy...but love me nevertheless
--for watching her creativity doesn't fall too far from the tree i guess

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

My Own Insane Randomness

why is it when you think its really really good, it gets really really bad?

why has my procrastination bit me in the ass again and i was sitting at home last night while Lupe Fiasco was jamming on the mic....NO I DON"T WANT DETAILS PEOPLE...let me be in my own misery please

i know its winter, but i really need the sun to come out...i think i'm turning mother is darker than me now people...come on!!

why is my father still living with us...Lord if its not too much to ask...bless him with a girlfriend he can move in with please...amen

why was Hilary standing up there at the debates facing Obama like she was the playground bully ready to throw down..face looking like "What! What!"...still undecided

why are women disappearing more and more these days in Mexico and South America...yet the only mention in the media is that of American white women?

why has my son outgrown his sister in the last 2 weeks, and i won't even mention his feet!!

why did my son have to tell his older sister what an orgasm was? um i had this talk already with them...good to know he was listening...guess we will have the talk again it seems

why was my application at sears tagged non rehirable...okay i know why...but come on shit its sears people....damn call center! and i was one of their top employees! not top enough i guess to laugh about it

why can't a damn good, well endowed penis come with an good man...they seem to always be attached to the bad boys lol..and i always find them....well sometimes they have lil ones...but hey makes it easier to walk away right...damn did i say that..uh huh

why is it when a bunch of women get together, laughing and having a good think we are up to something, talking about them , all having sex with one another...oh and our laughter is deemed CACKLING?

why is it when you are close to me i want to pic you up and just give you the most passionate deepest kiss you have ever had...and wisk you away to some deserted island...but i am afraid of rejection

why do men want their cake and eat it too

damn i look good for months from 40...okay that was my ego talking

why is it when i want to change bad habits, all hell breaks loose and temptation is a mutha

ok...nuff for now

Thursday, January 17, 2008

More than just Thursdays, ya know...

--for the Creator & She...thank you will never be enough, but i will say it every moment in this lifetime and the next.
--for breakdowns that cause build-ups
--for you not knocking the crap out of me, but your eyes did, when i called you a different name. saw him past by earlier and was looking down when ya passed, all i saw in my peripheral w/o looking up was are sssso SO much cuter
--for him going back to school, and talking to me in the wee hours when ya should be doing homework smarty pants
--for the beauty of her smile, his laugh, her grace....damn i am a blessed mom
--for having serious talks, not all pretty, but still with love...its going to be okay you know that right?
--for starting new adventures within new books...title is "Getting Our Breath Back"...hmmm
--for cheese sticks and brownies, very healthy don't ya know lol
--for getting through the madness or is it we just contained it
--for the beautiful fairy print you gave me...she gets me
--for my big brothas checking on ya'll
--for his excitement and calling me first...its going to work itself out for you too
--for seeing you two together....yummy lol
--for having connections and understandings beyond this superficial plane
--for the words that continues
--for better understanding...nuff said

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

its funny how new things and new paths can divert your attention on what truly needs to be taken care of...
it was fun
this heart was and will always be in need of attention...i just need to make sure i am the one looking after it FIRST

i am taking back my power

love still is a beautiful thing
in all shapes
and colors
no matter the round hole it was squeezed into
i am a fierce woman
remember that shelle

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I Breathe and Say Thank You...

--for this life i have been blessed with by the Creator & She
--for the words that come through me and my pen
--for still having the passion for what i love so much
--for the way he looks in me
--for the hours we created without speaking outloud...amazing
--for believing in what it can be
--for clarity, and getting through the yucky stuff
--for my son's only concern being his mommy...damn nothing like our bond
--for ktown, road trips no matter how short, and the 3 of us...priceless
--for a new year of finding and loving me...standing in my own FIERCENESS!!!
--for wanting the women in my life to do the same...take my hand
--for knowing its okay to want what you once had...but will it ever be the same..we only wish for better...we only wish for new can be a powerful thing.
--for finally a closet to myself the purging begins
--for friends no matter how far away, that keep me in their hearts
--for beautiful blue skies, feeling the sunshine, and enjoying the shadows
--for forgiveness...taste sweet

Monday, January 07, 2008

To You

not overly poetic, but more of a free write.
for some reason...for some reason...i am here with you....

i wear your pain
like the necklace you placed on my neck
fingers trembling
scared to give away
what you have been so comfortable with
all these years
i will take your gift with care
so you will have less to bare...

feel you hang between my breasts
near beating heart
needing its next rhythm
like a baby in the womb
lulled to sleep in sweet waters
dream child dream

let the backs of wings carry you
from this chaotic state of mind
wrap you in serenity and peace of mind
find a new place to call home
did you truly ever have one my child?

fly far away from demons and elves
who are watching and deceiving
do not listen to their lies
jealous of your beautiful light
make you believe bleeding is the only way
make you believe death is home
they want to taste your greatness
they know the truth...
your survival
is their demise
your survival
brings joy to the High One
they cannot allow His smile

He is able
teaching me to be able
so give me what you cannot bare
i will accept all gifts
travel this path together
sometimes i will go a few steps ahead
to clear the road
other times perhaps fall a few steps behind
to clear my mind
but whenever you think i am not there
just reach
and feel my hand.....

Thursday, January 03, 2008

streaming sun rays warms my face
casting full length shadows across notebooks
writing their own story...

Out with the old, in with the new...thankful for it all

--for Creator & brought me through...few scratches, scars, and wear and tear...but hey
--for a year of teaching moments and inner reflection...we going to be alright shelle
--for being alive still
--for what i know will be one helluva new year...i'm ready
--for no resolutions this year, just a year of continuous growth...emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually
--for opening my heart up more
--for listening to the inner voice more...and listening well
--for love, no matter how fleeting...still feels good
--for my did i get to be so lucky...each so different but still lil extensions of me
--for all the beautiful women in my life...each amazing...thank you for teaching me to trust again
--for knowing what is for for worries
--for poetry and its saving grace

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

confessions of a stone cold freak...

these are the confessions of a stone cold freak
so strap yourself in
this is about to get wicked...
'cause dem high yella gals freaky, right?
and daddy's friend must of known too
because he was a lil' too eager to tuck her in at night
payment, for teaching her how to play "chopsticks" on the piano
she still hates that fucking song

learned early
her skin
her face
her voice
was of no value
except for the pure selfish satisfaction
of being an object of Desire
no pun intended
funny, daddy knew what to name his babygirl even at her debut
and folks like you
have been making sure she lived up to her name ever since

so want some of this?
it'll cost you
they gave eagerly
candy, ice cream, toy dreams
then fine dining and shopping sprees
its all the same
trinkets worthless
making less worth of self at a great cost

she did as she was told
because young ladies are to be seen not heard
soft voice pushed down between supple young thighs
fingers parting sweet flesh was the only language they wanted to hear
she spoke it fluently
glassy eyed doll seen too much
closets and basements full of secrets
skeletons hung around way past Halloween

didn't want to be around certain neighbors
certain babysitters
whose gaze lingered a lil' too long
folks didn't understand her anger
her silence
her rebellion
thought she was just being a brat
not realizing she was already spoiled

kept the haunting of Christmas past
tucked neatly away in shiny new buster brown shoes
walked in hard daily
wearing down the soul

(need better transition here...)

traded one house of horrors for another
the beautiful monster
who painted her skin in different hues
changed the color of her eyes daily
pieces of man
shattered woman
split self
split wrists
in order to survive

had to relearn to rebend her neck
hold her head up high
shoulders squared
heart fierce
knowing she was...
good enough to fuck
but not to love
enough to play house
but not be the house
enough to store babies
but not birth them
enough to be seen
but not protect

so go ahead, call her what you like
for she is so much more than the words written into her existence
or into your gossip
you don't know her
you don't truly see her
all you see is this...
and this...
and hear this...
for confessions of a stone cold freak
'cause dem high yella gals freaky, right?