Thankful

-for the Divine always blessing always guiding
-for new beginnings
-for deep love
-for forgiveness and understanding...of others...of self
-for the greatness of my kids
-for the uniqueness of my kids
-for open and honest conversations
-for family
-for open arms
-for open hearts
-for self love...one day at a time
-for cool days and nights
-for sisterhood, though i have none by birth
-for introspection and new growth
-for wanting to get through the hard stuff
-for new layers peeled back

Grateful

--for The Divine and She
--for my children, they really are awesome
--for my Brandy, and finally finding the love i have always wanted to have
--for US, and finally being able to give the kinda loving i thought would never return.
--for making me believe again
--for those who truly care
--for strangers who obviously were angels, thank you
--for our journey together, and as individuals
--for the soundness of Bluequisha, man she be moving
--for the lil things that bring so much joy
--for alone time
--for her touch
--for growth and really looking in the mirror we hold up for one another
--for loving those who play the game of loving me...its ok, it is what it is
--for trusting myself
--for being unique, and its okay folks don't get me...she does
--for those who choose to bad mouth me and spread gossip, yes it is hurtful and i've shed many tears (even lately)...but i am learning and rising above it
--for forgiveness, still learning this one...but learning non the less
--for letters of hope
--for my creativity, my gift
--for prayer...it is a must
--for forks in the road that always lead back

New Stuff over there on Jewelry blog....Butterfly Muzigns...go click on it, ya know you want to...you know Mother's Day is coming up...go ahead i dare ya

Been A Minute...or two....but ALWAYS Grateful...

i hadn't realized just how long it had been since i posted anything...not good, yet everything has been good....i am blessed beyond measure.
--for each and every moment on this plane, this existence, at this time
--for the Creator being everything, and more
--for this beautiful positive life
--for this beautiful positive life WE are creating
--for loving folks no matter what, even if you cut me more than you got my back...now this one has been a hard lesson, but i really do still care for 'em...i mean if you were on fire i would spit on ya :)
--for neosoul always growing, always changing...always home
--for falling in love...over and over...with her
--for falling in love...more and more...with me
--for my children...i mean they are just wow and amazing
--for the growth spurt my son has has lately...standing at 5'10 now...and he is not done
--for taylor and all her creative strong beauty
--for jessica growing up just a lil' bit more...i am proud
--for transitions, though not always easy, for the better of us all
--for the talk of a lil' one......
--for reflections...acknowledgement...trust...lessons...growth...love
--for these creative hands...i am good at what i do...i can acknowledge and accept that
--for moving past hobby and passion, to more of a business state of mind...though always passionate
--for the way she makes me giggle on a daily
--for seeing, but not judging...for squashing gossip...and you should too...wanna know, ask the source
--for understanding our life together is the one for whispers and "did you knows"...shoot take notes...we got a precious thing going on here, one stories are written about...maybe you will learn something, on how to love yours or better yet...yourself.
--for marathon scrabble games
--for less walls and boundaries
--for everyday being valentine's day with her, yet must say this year was one of the best.
--for lil blue boxes and satin white ribbon...sigh
--for the way WE choose to live OUR life together, so find out what works for YOU...promise you will be happier.
--for our day fast approaching...wow we are doing this...i mean can it get anymore sweeter?
--for the answer being yes, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Introducing Butterfly Muzigns

Tah Dah!! my new jewelry blog!! It is a good start in the right direction, i think. Please go look, and look often, as new designs will be posted frequently(subscribe)...the creating bug has hit me once again and hard...perhaps due to the time of year and its cold again in Texas lol. my favorite time of year in fact.
This is just one of my passions, and i am so blessed to be able...nothing after able, just blessed to be ABLE ya know.
The name you ask? lol....butterfly...i have always associated myself with this symbolic entity, ever changing, ever growing, freedom, metamorphosis, and grace...also a poetic name given to me when i first started reading on the mic @ Neosoul. I always feel butterflies are female, though i know better, but they just feel female.
Muzigns....originally musings....but like the play on word with muzigns, which is combination of musings and designs...muzigns, there ya go.
so go on...check it out....www.bmuzigns.blogspot.com

Now...

--for the Creator of this Universe, and all that is good in the world
--for our first Game Night Party in our home, oh i was nervous...but it went great
--for more par ties coming with different themes (heehee)
--for our ever growing circle of friends being cultivated
--for such a wonderful, diverse group of ladies i really enjoy...we all are so unique
--for the heart of our home being happy...its good energy here
--for trying daily to get to that place...like the picture above
--for epiphanies and growth, no matter how painful
--for reconnections and disconnections
--for the women in my life, including myself, who are going through whatever, but still are developing for the better and shining...we are stronger far beyond reason
--for the courage and exploring spirit of my brother...so proud of him
--for the way we are blue and mauve...nuff said
--for the way she buries her head into my neck, as she wraps her arms strong around me.
--for this enlightening, healing, beautiful, spiritual, joy-filled world we are creating everyday...always bumps in the road, but yeah we got this on lock lol
--for one step closer
--for my AWESOME children!!! (i can't say that enough)
--for this life i choose to show up for everyday...lol i got the pictures to prove it!!

Another Day...

--for breath in my lungs, beat in my heart, Grace by my side
--for early morning prayers, and window side meditations
--for this home we are creating daily
--for falling in love with "us"
--for neosoul and the love and family that is still abound, no matter how old no matter how new...love is there
--for impromptu gatherings in the house that love and poetry built
--for growth and change
--for introspection...never easy, but necessary daily
--for my son still wanting to rest his head on momma's shoulder...i will never get tired of that feeling
--for sometimes being too much between us, but in an oh so good way
--for your beautiful soul and spirit, and our first housewarming gifts...so thoughtful
--for finally narrowing "our day" to march or april...whew
--for flowers just because of who i am as a woman...wow
--for it really being this damn good, though i know naysayers say it can't possibly be...lol well it is
--for strength in self
--for hanging out with one helluva woman on her bday, and us getting down on the dance floor
--for playing pool with such a sweet old man
--for hugs from my daddy...he missed me
--for this life i have been granted....all praises to the Most High within

Things I Have Learned Lately...

--i am really ok

--that once again my filter is gone to crap...just don't have time for folks and their insecurities, fakeness, stupidity, lack of warmth...you get the point

--that my voice is stronger because of this (above). i recently voiced something to my father that had been a painful area in my life since i was in high school, although i did not get much acknowledgement or an apology from him...the look in his eyes and me releasing this...well...was quite enough...whew

--that i can be friends with opposing sides without taking sides...and others well i smile and stay in my corner...though that one took a lil longer, 'cause someone i love deeply was/is involved...hey we all got our stuff...no more judgements here

--relationships, no matter how good, tend to ebb and flow...doesn't mean anything is wrong (though sometimes there can be issues), or the love is less or not present...just means that particular day is doing its own thing...no worries

--i like being alone sometimes, and doing my own thing

--being a mother, no matter the kids age, is still tough, heartbreaking, and misguided at times...but oh so rewarding and worth it, every bit of it.

--i am not your average mother, and my kids LOVE me for this...they told me lol

--this is the first time in ANY of my love relationships, i haven't had to worry about the "other" coming in...nor the lies that follow...do you know how friggin' freeing that is? i can love without worries again...thank you baby

--i still am haunted by you...but i am stronger now, fleeting thoughts

--i really don't like when folks cross me...and i am a bit warped lol...snicker but i like it

New Year Now...

--for the Creator, She, and Grace...where would i be without any of you
--for this life, and how i help create it
--for this woman of mine...wow...you are friggin' amazing
--for the words of me'shelle and the floacist...the voice, the words, the rhythm
--for the Kitchen Goddess within...makes tummies happy
--for my girl turning 40, welcome...life will be sweeter
--for this home we are transforming...love spoken here...saged blessings
--for my pen moving again...for my strong muse
--for cooler weather kissing these cheeks
--for my kids laughter filling their new home...they are a magnificent bunch
--for letting go and hanging on
--for thelma and louise...be careful not to cross lol
--for powerful energies...good and bad, and to know/feel the difference
--for true love residing in our hearts, oh how we have waited...this story has been written a long time ago...thank you for being my co-writer
--for early morning being still within my window
--for great coffee pots
--for knowing i am safe on solid ground
--for every morning i wake up, the first thing i see is you...first words i say are "thank you"
--for tay's 17th b'day...no no no...sigh...she is a great kid, even if mom can't handle the reality...tear
--for old photos and good memories in that moment...i will go with that
--for fingers in hair
--for seeing you again...even if you didn't see me
--for your days getting a bit better during these tough times
--for neosoul...feels like home again, feels new and exciting too

Catch Up Time....

yes i know its been a minute...a long minute blog world, but i am back. I apologize for my focus being elsewhere, not that i am apologizing for what my focus has been on, but the fact i have neglected this blog. Sooo, when i start getting protests for not updating...i know its time to get on it lol...love you lisa.
bare with me for a sec, as i will try to catch everyone, and myself, up on what has been going on in shelle's world...i am going to cheat a bit and make them separate posts, please see below for backtracking.
Life is beautiful...seriously...i just cannot stop smiling...and it shows.

Joy

--for the Universe which contains and blesses me
--for prayer...goes a long way
--for the most sweetest, amazing, wonderful, beautiful, electrifying, honest, blessed, honorable, crazy, intense, harmonious, i could keep going you know...love affair i have ever experienced...this lifetime
--for this lifetime. so good, had to repeat it
--for patience with self...she shows and teaches me even to do that
--for the growth and love that has deeply bloomed between me and my oldest
--for my awesome kids, each so different...all so friggin' great
--for truth, no matter how much it hurts, but its allowed me to let go and heal just a bit more
--for delete buttons..on facebook, on myspace, on computers, on cell phones, on life
--for moonlit nights, deep cool waters, and the perfect words asked...
--for the words "yes"
--for new beginnings with you on so many levels, sometimes i feel like my life has just started
--for bed talks with the kids, i will never give those up...and i pray they will not want to either
--for lanky arms that hug me everyday...a mother and her son...bond is something else
--for meeting the lil ones who are so important to her, and they wanting me to stay
--for new moves, new apartment, new car...taking care of business indeed
--for the people in my life who teach me about me, good, bad or indifferent...i learn
--for the enthusiasm and electric spirit of shella @ h.e.b. plus...she is my soulmate i swear lol
--for a lazy saturday afternoon with no agenda, but to be...just be
--for creativity raining on me
--for my love ring, wrapped so warmly around my life
--for much introspection, understanding, trusting, and loving self...whew its a lot
--for my brother soon taking one of the greatest journeys ever, trekking through south america for almost 2 months...start your prayers now please
--for those on board with what's going on in my life...thank you...and even for those who are not...take notes
--for times that felt like old times girl...we gonna be ok

Things I Have Learned About Myself...Lately...

this is something i am going to start doing...lil things i am realizing about myself or learning, whether good or bad (for lack of a better word)...things i know will not change, things i need to change...my growth, my backsliding, all of it...i will try to do it once a week, well try anyway...at least once a month...so much for once a week; but ya get what i am aiming for...

i am pretty damn funny, and i like to make people laugh...my comedic timing is quite on point...i didn't realize this before, but this safe place i am in lately, allows for the true me to shine

i think i am slowly losing my filter and my need to give a damn...seems to have gotten worse (or better, depends upon perspective) with age. i just don't have time for folks (or mine) BS, whining, or judgement anymore...like get with the program people...life is too short

i guess i really have never forgiven you, thought i did, and said i did...but guess truly i did not...and it is rearing its ugly head...in order for us to survive, i got to deal with this. i think it scares me i may not get past it (or i do), and still end up losing us.

i am one interesting chick...none like me

i am loving again the way i once did, and even loving myself a bit more because of it...because how can i love the way i need to, if i don't love myself the way i need to...i still have quite a ways to go, yet i am moving forward...even if they are baby steps

i don't like my mother...and though i need to work on it...i am okay with this fact

i am afraid i have lost my fire as a poet...it has been such a huge part of my life, but since falling in love, i have left a lot of it behind...just not angry any more, and my scars don't hurt as much...its not a bad thing though...i understand now what zae meant when he said between love and poetry, something/someone suffers...the trilogy cannot survive without consequences...i want to find my groove again with this mistress poetry, but i will choose THIS love anyday first!

my procrastination is just another word for avoidance...sigh

i am a brat, a spoiled brat, a cute one...but a brat nonetheless lol...and i don't care to work on it LOL...i like it

i notice big disagreements/terrible ugly fights tend to ensue during shifts/changes in my life...part of my flight or fight issues i believe...this one knocked me over the head when i realized it, and also looked back on my life...yep, every time...glad i am now aware, because that mess just ain't right.

i matter.

For....

--for this Life of mine, for this life in mine, for this life with mine...i am humbled
--for finally getting a grip on "not my time this year", oh but thank you for those who took me there....what were we thinking LOL
--for one of the baddest texas/national teams around, headed by one helluva awesome dude with big guns
--for growth in words, writing, performance, healing, and self....just wow
--for love all in the air, and its not even spring yet
--for true love seeping out and into my essence
--for showing the not so nice parts of me, yet you even love them, and love me even more for them
--for long talks out on the patio until the wee hours of the morning...there is nothing like thought provoking questions/answers
--for you...simply you...and the way you do what you do
--for great girl time...my tummy still hurts from the laughter
--for my babygirl and her goddess tendencies, she is such an amazing kid
--for being so much closer
--for feeding my family
--for the flowers she brings....all things of beauty need thorns to protect themselves
--for our first big one...and we made it through with better love
--for reaching out....you are always there
--for upcoming birthdays...hope you are well...yes
--for unconventional monogamous relationships...lol.....we define us
--for fudge....simply fudge...yum
--for the lil' things that make the big difference
--for sunshine and her growth this summer...just wow
--for working on the upside, at least trying...smile
--for the women in my life, so enriched by them...thank you
--for change, even the scary parts are saying it will be okay...just believe

A Lil' Early, But Never Late...Always On Time...

--for God in all forms and understanding
--for deep thoughtful conversations with my brother
--for sibling love
--for safe returns
--for you now being just up the street, round the corner from mamma and 'em
--for new beginnings and vast paths of possibilities
--for he, who just can't help but to like her, even when it may be painful
--for one of the baddest azz roles of God i have ever seen...you are amazing, hope you KNOW that
--for not knowing what tomorrow brings, but enjoying the good mornings everyday
--for prayer and understanding
--for memories made in such lil' time
--for you showing me to me a lil more each day
--for exhales
--for working on the "ups" more hopefully...wink
--for honesty and communication....both can make or break any relationship, depending on how you use it
--for our own language, our own way of doing things, in our time...lol i know not all may understand...but its ok...believe me...its ok...we got this
--for my beautiful babies, though growing up so fast, they still let me hold them and kiss em, and love all over them
--for the ink that writes me
--for the woman who loves me.

Love Is Necessary...

--for the Most High, and the ones that are sent low amongst us
--for love in all its forms
--for this love we have...so powerful
--for my Zeus always protecting me
--for the stone with the words "safe" written on it that you gave me...yes i am...yes you are
--for tay hanging with the big girls...dang my children are amazing
--for trackers that reveal the bitter truth
--for the madness finally being over...hopefully
--for new beginnings...again
--for one incredible holiday weekend with my extended family
--for what she sees in me...and i let her
--for seeing the new smile on your face my friend...crazy times, but good times
--for the future
--for making sure the ones i care about know it
--for hard talks with him again...damn i will always love him, just want him to be as happy as i am...i know its hard for us all
--for finally getting it right
--for spur of the moment surprises pulled off perfectly...hahaha
--for her extra touch with the pasta
--for new folks in my life i can now call my friends, because they are hers too
--for one special lady working on my business website...need all the gentle pushes i can get...so excited
--for having to speak my mind..sometimes it just has to be said without filters
--for out of the blue phone calls, wanting to hear my voice...thank u sir
--for one more treetop hideaway rendevous...i will miss you
--for the older lady on the bus, who didn't want me to get off so soon...how sweet
--for memories...lot of emotions there
--for her family becoming my family, and hanging out with them poolside
--for the memories my babies are having this summer...glad they are enjoying it..so many more to come...did i say already how great my kids are...oh, well they are
--for the simple things in life, that make it so sweet

Once Again...

--for the way the Universe wraps me with its blessings daily
--for my handsome son's 15th birthday...lil' sad about it, but i can't stop the growth...lol...size 13 shoe, towers over me...no stop the madness please!!
--for family dinners, with the old and the new
--for treetop love
--for restraint
--for the NYLO hotel...non like it...whole new experience for both of us in different ways
--for baseball game all inclusive fun
--for beach trips with and for "us"
--for the way we party...lawd you think there were more of us, a tiger, and a baby in the closet lol
--for everything new
--for the moment i felt it go to another level
--for the way she looks INTO me, and loves it ALL, even the not so pretty
--for bed talks with my kids...very important to keep communication open
--for friends who support whatever i do, even if it may be a bit tough
--for prayer
--for unlimited texts...didn't know what i was missing lol, but still oh so nice to hear the voice
--for the tough times and the growing times, very close meshed
--for pops and his new nationwide commercial
--for our own rules
--for living MY life
--for one deleted check mark to stop your stupidity..still an open invitation though
--for NeoSoul tonight...can't wait to see what they have done...so excited, plus i have missed the mic and the poets...missing home

Its A New Day...

--for God in all his/her forms
--for this love of ours
--for chucks, pretty girls, good laughs, good drinks, and naturals
--for looks that could kill lol
--for needed time away, but still missing it all...its just different kind of missing now
--for the enormity of a wingfield's burger...and baby, i don't want to do this again lol
--for the intellectual and the strategist
--for the haters...hey i need 22 more before the year's end...any takers?
--for my kids and all their awesomeness...they are hella cool indeed
--for my baby boy's 15th bday coming up next week
--for upcoming beach trips...and new beginnings
--for safe havens to run to
--for our first grocery shopping trip...lol
--for treetop heaven
--for realities we never expected...yes will be this way always...and we know it
--for nudging the fledgling out the nest a bit more each day lol
--for the humor in everyday life
--for walking down hallways no one was allowed to, but she tore down the police tape
--for Zeus' fists of justice
--for knowing the greatness of MJ
--for the lil' things that make a BIG difference

For Everything....

--for the Creator and She...and the sweet Grace surrounding us all
--for love in all its forms
--for making one of the toughest decisions i have ever had to make
--for my babies i left behind...i love you two so very much...shining stars already
--for support from those who truly are friends, and they make it known
--for you showing your true colors, not what i expected, but it is what it is
--for NEVER again...i love you sis
--for knowing that no matter how confident or strong i get, it will never be mistaken for arrogance nor will i walk on the backs of those who help me get there
--for growing into one helluva HEALTHY woman
--for knowing when to walk away, and when to come back
--for one great man who loves me, understands me, loves her too, and knows that i am happy
--for painful realizations through retrospection...but i am ok, not staying down in the muck...rising above...growing even more
--for my Zeus, my protector...gently reminding me of how people should/shouldn't treat me
--for Vegas baby!!!!!
--for situations that are not easy, but we will all work it out for the better
--for my great kids....long talks, and my "how did ya'll get so dang smart"
--for being in her space...she loves my cooking lol
--for the beauty and serenity of the Botanical Gardens
--for sweet grandmothers in Whataburger drive thru's
--for scars healing quite nicely with her gentle kisses

This Is For You...and You...and You...oh yeah and YOU

--yes she is my girlfriend
--yes i am quite aware she is a woman
--yes a HELLUVA one at that
--yes i know there will be issues
--no i will not run at the first sign of trouble
--no this is not a summer romance
--no I AM NOT playing
--yes I AM serious
--yes WE are quite serious
--no i am not the same woman YOU THINK i am
--yes you make me laugh lurking
--yes she is smitten
--yes i am just as smitten, if not more
--no i did not steal her from her
--yes she stole MY heart
--yes HE knows
--yes we have HIS blessing
--no its not easy for any of us
--no God will not condemn us...i mean He brought this together right?
--yes my kids adore her
--yes she adores my kids
--no i am NOT the seductress i have been sadly labeled
--no everything you thought i did when with her, you are incorrect
--yes i have always cared about her
--yes she knows i am a packaged deal
--no i will not leave them behind this time
--yes...again, its just THAT serious
--yes if you would like an invitation...send me your address lol
--yes i am in love
--no i have never felt this...like this...in this way
--yes SHE IS enough
--yes i will take great and BETTER care of her
--no its not going too fast
--yes you should be happy for me, her, for us
--no i don't need you...did i ever?
--yes get out of our stuff picking it apart and go get YOUR OWN happiness
--yes take care of YOUR OWN household pretty lady, seems your foot is in two doorways anyway
--no you cannot shake my happiness
--no i will not miss the phallic symbol...AT ALL
--yes i love the haters
--yes grow up
--yes should of put a ring on it....like she has...hmmmm

Yes, Its Been A Hot Minute....

--for the Creator & She...wrapped up in Grace...thank you for continuing to guide my steps
--for great poetic house parties, faces i haven't seen in so long, and more interesting and funny moments
--for tough talks...with blessings...he just wants me happy...and loves her too...'cause she brings kolaches lol
--for this friggin' fantabulous story that is being written...started a long time ago didn't it?
--for my kids, my kids, my kids....yeah they are pretty cool, funny, beautiful, smart, intelligent, passionate, creative....ok ok i can go on forever...very proud to be called (still) "mommy"
--for each and every cell in her body that makes her so unique, and the rest of this time on earth to explore each
--for hands in hair
--for vulnerable moments, yet still feeling safe
--for my Zeus, and the new way i look at thunder and lightening
--for believing again in real love
--for being able to show all my parts, without fear of judgement or abandonment
--for our trip to Vegas...through new eyes
--for my babies on this team...i am so proud of all the hard work, pens are wicked
--for the passion that still burns
--for the ones who understand sometimes i'm friend, sometimes i'm coach..and don't take advantage of either
--for 4th story open window giggles and attacking curtains
--for this time...being the right time...even next lifetime is jealous right now
--for scratched records and silence....priceless...yep now ya know
--for making plans for our future...our future...wow...yeah
--for the comfort of 3 beautiful faces surrounding me during our mommy's bed talks...they love her just as much...
--for mauve...and letting blue be blue lol...i am learning
--for you and i, and our ever growing friendship...we always going to be alright this time around...sho a nice view from here
--for still learning me and this skin i am in...peace and understanding keeps me looking young lol
--for prayer and meditation...we must be still sometimes
--for long lists