Thursday, January 29, 2009


--for the Creator & She, and of course Grace
--for my whatever form that comes, by blood or by words
--for my beautiful supercalifragilisticexpialidocious children...amazing, and MINE!!
--for protecting hands in my hair
--for late night chats of understanding
--for this grand lovely skin i am in...sho fit nice
--for those who stop by this blog...known and unknown, and those who peek
--for new paths, new journeys, new eyes
--for stepping away from the competition of it all...and being fine with that
--for business plans coming into view
--for earl grey tea on cold nights
--for loving you...despite you...i pray for your healing
--for the lion that roars, but i know better
--for dancing to the good ol' oldies
--for the shoutout in myspace world...brothers are doing some things
--for just being still...shhhh listen to what the wind are never alone
--for a really nice afternoon @ starbucks with him...he is so excited...i am too about making a difference
--for another nice moment with my mom @ starbucks (lol) hanging with her on her birthday...much needed, and another layer peeled away...getting there
--for overseas called received, glad he is safe another day
--for all the wonderful women in my life..aren't we incredible!!!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Let It Be

i know i may be too open or too revealing on these public electronic forums, at times; but i believe sometimes it can help story, though out there, is not just mine...and anybody going through anything remotely similar will understand, even benefit somehow.
yes there are those who will nod or shake their heads in agreement or disagreement, and even those who will be empathetic, but there will also be those who will sit in judgement (even those who truly love me).
it truly is okay, lol but i will say this.....

this is my journey, my path, my steps, my life
it takes great courage to walk in my shoes, what i write here and in my poetry is but a glimpse of me...
glimpse meaning, you are on the outside.
outside looking in...never able to see the totality of the situation
you see what your eyes see, and we all know it is a perception...your reality of my situation.
you may think you have the "right" answers...but again, those are your answers for a perception of a reality you have never lived.
i do take all ideas, concerns, and even the haters (got to love the haters), wrap it up in a nice lil jagged pill and swallow...but at the end of the day, it is i who has to deal with me.
lately (past year or so), i have been doing pretty good with me
being comfortable in my own skin and finding out who this beautiful lady is...i like me a whole lot.
i am one of the oddest people i know, and guess what...i am fine with that. i date men in their 20's, love women with a passion, drink good vodka and smoke lots of good weed. my spirit is restless, and sometimes i listen and throw caution to the wind...and ride that bitch until i grow tired of that too.
i do crazy things...but perhaps that is a huge difference between me and them...I DO!...i refuse to be boxed into any situation, even if others think it is the "right" thing to do or think i am being selfish in my actions. i have lived life in that manner, after awhile it will slowly kill your spirit.
i can show you the scars to prove it, if you don't believe me.

i am trying one more time on this relationship with him, key word i am far to go, but it starts with one step..and i have taken that step, looking forward to the next one, though not quite sure where that particular step will land...but ready for it.
we are not married...not sure why i said that, but needed to be said.
like mentioned in a previous blog, just want to make sure everything was tried...but it is hard to try everything, when possibly it may be one sided or not enough. we will see right?
i will not settle for mediocrity or "just for the kids"...what does that teach them, really?
ready for this journey journey, my path, my steps, my life

that kind of love we seek is possible though...i have tasted it before...and oh how sweet it was, and can still be...let it be

let it be
like a spring day on a winter's morning
new life through stagnancy and hibernation
warm suns awakening and laughing in the face of last sunsets
let it be
like roses beyond the normal color of red
simplicity and purity of Calla lilies
the wildness and originality of nature's fields
run with me through it
barefoot and free
let it be
better love
expected rain to water the seeds of faith
coaxed germination with soft kisses and talk beyond pillows
intertwined roots for foundational strength
heaven bound branches to hold rope swings and playful houses
play make-believe until fantasy becomes reality
be my king, my prince, my jester, my lifetime
i be your queen, your princess, your lady in waiting, your eternal
let it be
secrets written in the book of life
incantations fingered into magic
creating new "once upon a time's" on our time
and "lived happily ever after" even after
let it be
not forgotten
not safe
not for any other reason but ours
let it be
a better love

Thursday, January 22, 2009

it is crazy feeling the way that i do about life right now, specifically my relationship with this jazz man.
i will not lie about it, i am scared to death...trying to work things out, and wondering if it is the right thing to do...will it work...will things that need to be changed actually change, or remain the i settling...will i or he screw it up???
questions, questions, questions, run rampant through my mind, and i am desperately trying to silence the voices of self doubt.
like i said...i am scared to death
i still consider my self single, and he does too...because neither one of us wants to jump right in...though i may have jumped the gun just a bit.
i love the man, never has been a doubt; and i know he loves me...i have never doubted that fact either.
the serious conversations have started, and i hope they continue...we are worth family is worth it.
so again, please keep us in your prayers
if we realize this is not working, well, we want to walk away knowing we did all we could of done to try to make it work...and that is all i make sure i tried everything.
love can carry one a great distance

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What a Great day for more than one reason



Friday, January 16, 2009

He Loves Me....Still

looking back into the archives, i found this...and i began to cry...good cry though.
we are going to try it again, work on this love we have had for so many years...just wanted to share...because we will need your prayers as well.
time to stop playing...time to heal...time to grow...time to love like never before

my jazz man,
loved me enough when i didn't love me
when i didn't love him
saved memories and morsels
w/in the grooves of melodies
to be played repeatedly
until i heard for the first time
let his butterfly float on the winds of change
until home's colors were painted just right
for the world's hues were becoming too heavy for wings to carry
hung blossoms around the door to beckon me home
encircled in love's cocoon
there he brought out his collection for me to hear
saved memories and morsels escaped from the grooves
floated up to my ears
and danced back into my heart
my jazz man
loved me enough
to hold on....

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Home Is Where My Heart Belongs, but Still Grateful...

--for Grace, the Higher Powers, and She
--for this eye opening experience on this tour
--for much self reflection
--for missing home, my dog, my kids, my family, my tarik more than i ever thought i would....and them missing me too
--for realizing its time to stop playing
--for his arms waiting to hold me
--for tears of love
--for the voices of my children...none like it
--for rising moons and setting suns..and able to witness it on a long stretch of nevada highway at the same time
--for landscapes so breathtaking
--for the power and awesomeness of the Grand Canyon...maaaan!!
--for the folks we have met along the way
--for really missing my neo family and writing labs
--for the 3 of us on this journey together
--for our denver family...ayinde, laquita, and still my heart
--for my friends who miss me and send me lil notes of inspiration
--for my life...wouldn't change anything right now...but changes are coming...good ones indeed
--for the love that i have always wanted....right in front of my face...yeah..and duh
--for clarification and verification
--for we might just get it right this time huh
--for the wonderfulness of me...i love me and all my quirkiness

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Remembering What I Am Thankful 4...

--for my life, even with all its ups n downs, twists n is still mine that i am truly blessed with..and i get to recreate daily
--for my i done good
--for my family...dysfunctional and all...still family
--for my neofamily...dyfunctional and are still family ever growing...ever stronger
--for the new kids on the block...thank you for reminding me why i love this shiznitt
--for leos and virgos....taught/teaching me so much about this woman
--for love past, love lost, love gained, love possibilities...sigh i am patient
--for all the teaching moments, no matter how regrets
--for my #1 fan...thank you will never be enough...just wish, well i just wish...
--for the experience has indeed already been an experience..and my road dawgs are great lol
--for cool evenings and far away stars to dream upon
--for every inhale and exhale
--for this new year already starting out in a big way
--for getting me...and forgiving me...growth is grand