Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Things I Have Learned About Myself...Lately...

this is something i am going to start doing...lil things i am realizing about myself or learning, whether good or bad (for lack of a better word)...things i know will not change, things i need to change...my growth, my backsliding, all of it...i will try to do it once a week, well try anyway...at least once a month...so much for once a week; but ya get what i am aiming for...

i am pretty damn funny, and i like to make people laugh...my comedic timing is quite on point...i didn't realize this before, but this safe place i am in lately, allows for the true me to shine

i think i am slowly losing my filter and my need to give a damn...seems to have gotten worse (or better, depends upon perspective) with age. i just don't have time for folks (or mine) BS, whining, or judgement anymore...like get with the program people...life is too short

i guess i really have never forgiven you, thought i did, and said i did...but guess truly i did not...and it is rearing its ugly head...in order for us to survive, i got to deal with this. i think it scares me i may not get past it (or i do), and still end up losing us.

i am one interesting chick...none like me

i am loving again the way i once did, and even loving myself a bit more because of it...because how can i love the way i need to, if i don't love myself the way i need to...i still have quite a ways to go, yet i am moving forward...even if they are baby steps

i don't like my mother...and though i need to work on it...i am okay with this fact

i am afraid i have lost my fire as a poet...it has been such a huge part of my life, but since falling in love, i have left a lot of it behind...just not angry any more, and my scars don't hurt as much...its not a bad thing though...i understand now what zae meant when he said between love and poetry, something/someone suffers...the trilogy cannot survive without consequences...i want to find my groove again with this mistress poetry, but i will choose THIS love anyday first!

my procrastination is just another word for avoidance...sigh

i am a brat, a spoiled brat, a cute one...but a brat nonetheless lol...and i don't care to work on it LOL...i like it

i notice big disagreements/terrible ugly fights tend to ensue during shifts/changes in my life...part of my flight or fight issues i believe...this one knocked me over the head when i realized it, and also looked back on my life...yep, every time...glad i am now aware, because that mess just ain't right.

i matter.

Thursday, August 13, 2009


--for this Life of mine, for this life in mine, for this life with mine...i am humbled
--for finally getting a grip on "not my time this year", oh but thank you for those who took me there....what were we thinking LOL
--for one of the baddest texas/national teams around, headed by one helluva awesome dude with big guns
--for growth in words, writing, performance, healing, and self....just wow
--for love all in the air, and its not even spring yet
--for true love seeping out and into my essence
--for showing the not so nice parts of me, yet you even love them, and love me even more for them
--for long talks out on the patio until the wee hours of the morning...there is nothing like thought provoking questions/answers
--for you...simply you...and the way you do what you do
--for great girl time...my tummy still hurts from the laughter
--for my babygirl and her goddess tendencies, she is such an amazing kid
--for being so much closer
--for feeding my family
--for the flowers she brings....all things of beauty need thorns to protect themselves
--for our first big one...and we made it through with better love
--for reaching out....you are always there
--for upcoming birthdays...hope you are well...yes
--for unconventional monogamous relationships...lol.....we define us
--for fudge....simply fudge...yum
--for the lil' things that make the big difference
--for sunshine and her growth this summer...just wow
--for working on the upside, at least trying...smile
--for the women in my life, so enriched by them...thank you
--for change, even the scary parts are saying it will be okay...just believe