Commitment To Self To Push Myself Even Harder

I haven't been focusing much on writing or performing lately. the words have been coming, and i've been writing. but its been like oh okay thats nice. write.turn page.write.turn page. put away.i've been worrying about trying to find that fire again, but not really doing anything to make the fire burn. i haven't been focusing very much due to some personal setbacks. i'm tired of using that excuse now. so....as a personal challenge to myself...i'm taking it all up to another level...hell that is what i'm going to do with my life PERIOD...right now, its a matter of life or death.
i've got to work through this madness in my head. notice i said work THRU, not get rid of...cause that is impossible i believe. embracing it and softening its edges is all i can do.
please don't take anything i post too personal. . i am not trying to hurt anyone's feelings or step on anyone's toes. may work for others, but its not my style. eventhough i have stated this disclaimer, i am SURE someone is going to read something and think i am writing about _________or___________(if you knew the truth, you would surely shut the fuck up anyway! folks don't ask me about truth, they just assume...too funny)
like i have said before...IT AIN'T ABOUT YOU HOMIE, ITS ALL ABOUT ME THIS TIME!
much love....isn't that what life is about anyway?

empty morsels left upon lips i crave
licking feverishly to taste something...anything
as i greedily try to feed my hunger
yet
you are a meal i am not hungry for
but
i feed on you in bits
as you feed on me in gulps
regurgitating a love affair
tearing at the lining of my heart
acidic holes penetrate
way past what i can no longer stomach
constantly
sugar sweet words carve the jagged lil' pill
forcing me to swallow
promises of tomorrows
leaving me in yesterday
without a blueprint to build another foundation
cracked
mud-laden
left too long in your suntips

running to my core

crumbling outer edges of existance.........