she is momma's baby
desperately needing to be daddy's lil girl
came into this world 18yrs ago kicking, screaming, and defiant
and she's been living life like this ever since
stands 5'5 like me
with deep chesnut colored native skin
kissed by the sun
with full cheeks
killer smile
and a silver slicing tongue to match
so beautiful she had to tattoo the word into her skin
as if she had to remind herself
she loves the freedom of the streets
and the streets love her
for she hustles them well
fights a fight she does not have to
but never been one to follow rules.
when she's near me
i can still catch glimpses of her sweetness
of momma's baby
the ones not yet swallowed
not yet stolen by paternal manipulation
or life's hard knocks
i hear it in her laugh
when she calls me "mommy"
and when she hugs the man she has called "daddy"
for the past 15yrs...
but i'm guilty of wondering if i did enough
for its obvious its not enough
she searches for her validity in his absent eyes
casted out of his family by her delicate stem
for she never had a chance to stretch her roots there
left her cold and bitter under his decaying branches
carving a broken heart and the words daddy's lil girl into his tree
i want steal her innocence back!
and for her to see how beautiful she really is
i'd snap my fingers if i could
cast spells into the heavens if i could
instead
when she is sleeping next to me
i whisper into her dreams and tell her
i want to take your pain baby
reach deep inside the heart of your hell
plunge maternal hands in its sponge
soaking you in daily
rip it from its existance and squeeze the the dead out of it
so worth can come back into your dark eyes
where beauty's reflection has lost its way
let it seep into the ground where fathers lay
and where i should bury yours
for you hold much too tightly to a legacy not belonging to you
there is comfort in the pain though
i know
cradling you into nightmares
playing games in blood left on floors
too many pieces to play with
and not enough players
therefore demons play you often
and the company is appreciated
i know
babygirl
let me have your pain
come enter inside these walls
crawl back into your conception
let's rearrange DNA
until my womb absorbs this madness
fertilized with guilt and sadness
together
let it grow
let it grow
let it grow
until soft insides split
and manifestations explode
and this heart releases
reaping what needs to be sown
ripping existance apart
so i may rain down on you
covering your lovely face
with transferred grace
freeing you from an internal prison
with bars engraved with his name
forged by his own hand
this is my wish
this is my prayer
for she will always be momma's baby
desperately just needing to be daddy's lil girl.
desperately needing to be daddy's lil girl
came into this world 18yrs ago kicking, screaming, and defiant
and she's been living life like this ever since
stands 5'5 like me
with deep chesnut colored native skin
kissed by the sun
with full cheeks
killer smile
and a silver slicing tongue to match
so beautiful she had to tattoo the word into her skin
as if she had to remind herself
she loves the freedom of the streets
and the streets love her
for she hustles them well
fights a fight she does not have to
but never been one to follow rules.
when she's near me
i can still catch glimpses of her sweetness
of momma's baby
the ones not yet swallowed
not yet stolen by paternal manipulation
or life's hard knocks
i hear it in her laugh
when she calls me "mommy"
and when she hugs the man she has called "daddy"
for the past 15yrs...
but i'm guilty of wondering if i did enough
for its obvious its not enough
she searches for her validity in his absent eyes
casted out of his family by her delicate stem
for she never had a chance to stretch her roots there
left her cold and bitter under his decaying branches
carving a broken heart and the words daddy's lil girl into his tree
i want steal her innocence back!
and for her to see how beautiful she really is
i'd snap my fingers if i could
cast spells into the heavens if i could
instead
when she is sleeping next to me
i whisper into her dreams and tell her
i want to take your pain baby
reach deep inside the heart of your hell
plunge maternal hands in its sponge
soaking you in daily
rip it from its existance and squeeze the the dead out of it
so worth can come back into your dark eyes
where beauty's reflection has lost its way
let it seep into the ground where fathers lay
and where i should bury yours
for you hold much too tightly to a legacy not belonging to you
there is comfort in the pain though
i know
cradling you into nightmares
playing games in blood left on floors
too many pieces to play with
and not enough players
therefore demons play you often
and the company is appreciated
i know
babygirl
let me have your pain
come enter inside these walls
crawl back into your conception
let's rearrange DNA
until my womb absorbs this madness
fertilized with guilt and sadness
together
let it grow
let it grow
let it grow
until soft insides split
and manifestations explode
and this heart releases
reaping what needs to be sown
ripping existance apart
so i may rain down on you
covering your lovely face
with transferred grace
freeing you from an internal prison
with bars engraved with his name
forged by his own hand
this is my wish
this is my prayer
for she will always be momma's baby
desperately just needing to be daddy's lil girl.
5 comments:
she will come around...i see so much of you in everything i've seen of her...she'll come around--and she knows you'll be there when she does.
b, yes i know but still pains me in the process.
that was a beautiful write. that last line hit me hard....sis, your job is to be there with open arms when she is ready. thats what parents do! be strong sis.
im going to hug Courtney a little tighter when i see her.
wow.
i'm damn near speechless and that doesn't happen often... only when something moves me. and this peace did jus that. your pen, my dear, is wicked! you know that, right? ;)
peace.
king, and i will be...hug her tight
jus b, thank you ma...healing thru the pen...much love
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