confessions of a stone cold freak...

these are the confessions of a stone cold freak
so strap yourself in
this is about to get wicked...
'cause dem high yella gals freaky, right?
and daddy's friend must of known too
because he was a lil' too eager to tuck her in at night
payment, for teaching her how to play "chopsticks" on the piano
she still hates that fucking song

learned early
her skin
her face
her voice
was of no value
except for the pure selfish satisfaction
of being an object of Desire
no pun intended
funny, daddy knew what to name his babygirl even at her debut
and folks like you
have been making sure she lived up to her name ever since

so want some of this?
it'll cost you
they gave eagerly
candy, ice cream, toy dreams
then fine dining and shopping sprees
its all the same
trinkets worthless
making less worth of self at a great cost

she did as she was told
because young ladies are to be seen not heard
soft voice pushed down between supple young thighs
fingers parting sweet flesh was the only language they wanted to hear
she spoke it fluently
glassy eyed doll seen too much
closets and basements full of secrets
skeletons hung around way past Halloween

didn't want to be around certain neighbors
certain babysitters
whose gaze lingered a lil' too long
folks didn't understand her anger
her silence
her rebellion
thought she was just being a brat
not realizing she was already spoiled

kept the haunting of Christmas past
tucked neatly away in shiny new buster brown shoes
walked in hard daily
wearing down the soul

(need better transition here...)

traded one house of horrors for another
the beautiful monster
who painted her skin in different hues
changed the color of her eyes daily
pieces of man
shattered woman
split self
split wrists
in order to survive

had to relearn to rebend her neck
hold her head up high
shoulders squared
heart fierce
knowing she was...
good enough to fuck
but not to love
enough to play house
but not be the house
enough to store babies
but not birth them
enough to be seen
but not protect

so go ahead, call her what you like
for she is so much more than the words written into her existence
or into your gossip
you don't know her
you don't truly see her
all you see is this...
and this...
and hear this...
labeled
boxed
judged
condemned
for confessions of a stone cold freak
'cause dem high yella gals freaky, right?