an open convo to myself

i hurt enough as it is (u need to b stronger like me)but i thought he would understand, he always does, he said he knows me like no other (well maybe he chooses not to know u any longer)he said he has his own demons (no, what he was saying was f*** you u r own your own, no longer wants to be bothered)but....(but what? u could of been found days later, and he didn't even call to check on you)
nevermind (exactly....cut the ties)but....(but what? cut the fu***** ties)easier said than done (here stupid i have scissors)
why would they lie? (did u really expect them to be there?)yes i did (well i knew they weren't coming)but why lie about it or make up excuses? (did u really think they would surprise you this time and be front and center, someone u can count on?)yes i did, i keep trying you know (well stop, its exhausting)but they are my parents (and?)my family (and?)you are very harsh (no just thicker skinned than u, i have watched them all my life, been there with you through it all....my skin has been thickening since the womb)
are u serious? (yes, how do u think i developed so much faster than u?)i'm trying, i just want acceptance from them (laughing...well u will put yourself in an early grave trying to get that from them)u are cold? (no not cold, well...maybe, but i have to just to survive...in order for US to survive...sighing)
i love u
i know
i love u too