i think when it comes to matters of the heart, i am the most misunderstood person around. i want one thing, always get another.
i get what i need, and jeapordize it so i make it go away
it goes away, then i spend too much energy trying to get it back
its simple really, so why all the complications?
i want to be in love, actually i want to be loved unconditionally
the way i love others, with all their faults an hangups
love me with all my own faults and hangups
yes i need work....got issues...who the hell does not?!
yes i am working on them, but i am being drained by those who profess to have my best interest at hand.
constantly taking constantly taking constantly taking
i don't mind giving, that is my spirit....but leave me with something
or at least stay awhile
when i have something to say, listen
with both ears, not on the way out
i have so many beautiful people in my life, a few i keep very close to my heart
others i don't know why i do
perhaps i am a taker myself, they serve some purpose or else why would i bother?
i play the sexy vixen well
well desiree does
but i am so tired of the image others want of me
not the real me
they want the wild sexy me, the sexy voice me, the sexy clothes wearing me
when actually
i am a simple girl with simple ways
who just wants to be loved
to be taken seriously
to be understood.....to be validated
i find it hard to stay alive
seriously
its a struggle
everyday i contemplate what i have done thrice before, but guess God had other plans
vicadin and tequila can be a deadly mixture
drank the tequila last night in the darkness by candlelight
played with the vicadin on the table
would falling in love help me?
perhaps not, but at least i would have a soft place to fall
so simple
so misunderstood
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
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5 comments:
I feel you and your pain. I have so much love to give another human being, but often, people get caught up in what they believe. That I am out to play a game. That I am not serious. Don't see what's TRULY IN MY HEART, or when they realize what it really is, they lie to themselves, believing that they could give what they recieve from me. Only to realize that in their humaness they are selfish and self seeking, not willing or having experienced the necessary growth to be in healthy relationships. When they fail, they blame me, believing I want too much. Go to Christa Bell's website and listen to the TOO MUCH, you will feel liberated. You will find soemone who will love you for you... We all will..... eventually...
My baby girl...that tells me why you were on my heart so much last night...I am sorry to hear you are down and I cant be there with you. Baby, you know what I say...that's part of your journey. This space is forcing you to fall in love with yourself and you have fought that for so long. You cant count on others to love you FOR you, if you dont yet. You are tryin to figure out who that is...not as someone's woman, or mom...but who YOU Michelle Warren really is. It is scary, lonely and HARD.
You gotta stop thinkin that the sexy one is the only one that they want, you worry so much that they wont like the real you. You gotta screen 'em. I used to do that too...I would pick men who I knew really werent about shit...and then when they weren't, it hurt, but it wasnt a surprise. Be careful of that trap.
I love you baby. I know for those of us who love deeply life has many more tears and heartache. We dont understand those who dont love the same way...and it hurts us. You will find it baby, but you gotta love yourself enough to put the real you out there and risk it. Knowing that some will let you down, but you gotta get through the coal to find the diamond. I love you baby.
Shelle...
check your email.
-B
brandy u make me blush....thank u
i needed to hear that
always
sarah i think i do love myself cause one, i made the move in the first place...i was slowly dying in that place....lost over 60lbs...and i havent done the ultimate betrayal yet...still here...but i know what u r saying
i love you guys i love u guys i love u guys
Baby I KNOW you love yourself cause it takes love and bravery to leave what is comfortable, even when we know it is bad.
You are just harder on yourself than you should be....you are a blessing in my life and in the lives of people you touch. Just know that, and those who are unable to see or feel that are those too lost in thier own "comfort" to be able to see it. So just always know that in yourself, cause you are beautiful-inside and out.
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