a word used to freely for what really isn't
someone close to me once said, "just cause you feel something...doesn't mean you always act on it"...words never wiser
i keep this tidbit front and center
just cause it feels good...sho don't mean its good for you
so chill out
be still
listen
patience
what is for you is for you
and you will know which is which
if you care to really listen to the Universe
and it won't hurt like this...

So Grateful....

--for Life, everything in it, below it, and above it
--for teaching moments, and getting it...even if its slowly
--for moving feet
--for recovering from an awful stomach virus/food poisoning...hate being that low
--for my babygirl...she turned sweet 16 ya'll, friday....sigh...hard to deal with
--for the young man by her side these days, such a gentleman...and young love can be so sweet...again, hard to deal with lol
--for loving the skin i'm in...every stretched inch of it
--for intimate moments with the Universe
--for Lindt chocolate...OMG...divine
--for all of us going to dinner together...my babies...wow i done good, so blessed
--for the tears trying not to fall from the corner of her daddy's eyes...i know, i know
--for the trip me and my oldest are planning for her 20th...good lawd...20th?
--for precious memories no one can take away
--for the women and men in my life...no matter what, love ya'll...thank you for teaching me more about me
--for learning when to just let the hell go
--for learning everybody is not suppose to STAY in your life...and its ok...
--for my fluidity with life
--for new creations
--for good wine
--for the sanctuary of my bedroom
--for believing in me
--for new horizons this week
--for hosting again with a few other bad mofos...going to be fun
--for the possibilities of getting it right this time
--for 4 fantastic women blazing new trails together...so excited

Listen...

...sit in silence and see how much there is to hear. listen to people. when are they really saying? what are they not saying? listen to the very last notes of every song. listen to a sunset; listen to the sounds on your street well after midnight. listen to your intuition, to your own inner voice--the one you can hear only when the din of every day is diminished. hear the rustle of a leaf, the call of a bullfrog, the pop and crackle from your wood stove. savor the call of a gentle breeze, the flap of a bird's wings, the fanfare of a summer thunderstorm. listen with your toes, listen with your heart, and always, always listen to that which is never spoken.
--from Rachel Snyder's 365 Words Well-Being for Women

one will be surprised what they truly hear when they become still and just be quiet lol. i never understand why folks talk so much, almost like they are afraid of what they will hear if they become silent.
i try to practice this on a regular basis...it is important to my well-being...and right now i have been needing it more than ever...trying to find a foothold on this path...and eventually one foot in front of the other (lol)
so yeah, take the time to really listen...to everything and everyone around you.
you will be blessed and become a blessing to someone else...i promise.

Picture of the Day

cracked up when i saw this...an ad for some hair product...i need some of that lol

Not Now

i got the right to be wrong
one time
many times in this lifetime
so let me be
go find another leading lady
to satisfy your understudies
oh but being wrong about you
felt so right
at the time...
...even now in fractured memories
i felt the feel of hands feeling softness
before the fall
caught you
like always
walking the tightrope
without safety nets
you were not there
yet i knew from experience
i was set up for the fall
by my own hands
still
stepped out on faith
repeatedly
faithless faith less than a mustard seed
who will believe in me?
if you have faith i will not be there
do i even exist?
and if i have faith in forgiveness
why is it so hard to pray?
all the amens have dried up with the tears........
i am taking my final bow
disappointment curtsies
no roses
no kisses
no standing ovations
faint bravos waft through the air
landing heavy at nondancing feet
i turn
hesitating
hoping for a reprieve
switch has been thrown
exit slowly
head held high
downcast eyes
heart beats drowning in captured pain
i got the right to be wrong...right?

Just Because...

--for The Most High, and the moments of silence we share...and the moments i listen
--for hearing back from some of my friends in galveston, they are ok...but heartbroken, like i am...i lived there for 12 years before moving back to austin...still can't believe it
--for being thrown a couple of curveballs...either i am catching 'em, bobbing & weaving, or letting 'em hit me...but non the less i'm dealing
--for a bit of self discovery and reassessment...always good, even when you don't like it
--for your hand guiding me on this path...who knew
--for all the september birthdays, especially the ones in my own household
--for our love...no matter what...will always be there...thank you
--for your hands in my hair when you know i need it
--for creating with these hands
--for the cooler weather, so excited...and i don't even care about the chap lips or the flairing allergies lol...bring it on!
--for being back on set again
--for hanging out with my brother...always fun
--for me...i'm getting it more and more each day
--for great hip hop LIVE
--for watching my beautiful creations growing up into mighty fine individuals

And A Child Shall Lead Them....

this is amazing...not sure who the child is...but i know he will be someone to watch out for in the future.

http://www.dallasisd.org/keynote.htm

Better Pay Attention...

Never enough time...So make it

--for the Creator & She...never would of made it
--for prayer and direction
--for a friend who understands my wierdness right now and my search...he gets me, even still
--for old friends and new friends
--for patience
--for seeing the struggle in some of the women close to me...and holding their hand.
--for you reaching out to me thru text message, then calling me...and letting me vent/cry...always have such great insight
--for finally letting go...don't want to catch a case lol
--for great new camera that captures the right emotions
--for my children...growing into such beautiful responsible smart young adults...doesn't mean i'm ready for it though dammit!!
--for cooler nights....bring it on!!
--for you reaching for my hair and holding it in your hands
--for hugs that don't end too soon
--for late night talks...wishes...respect...what if's...honesty...hugs goodbye
--for hanging out with fellow poet/friend at a great boxing match...live on ESPN...so primal...but a turn on...i know weird
--for this time of year which always brings strong change...and i think i'm resisting, part of latest issues...trying not to be afraid
--for purple wild flowers within reach
--for release
--for you reminding me its God's time, not ours....wait on the one for you
--for owing it to myself to become whole
--for getting it...
--for knowing everything will work itself out leo...
--for Heroes

What About Us/Me....

started working on this over a month ago...still speaks to me to be finished...i will, soon...


what about us?
there are secrets in the sand here
we the forgotten angels
wings torn
mutilated
cememented screams
falling from our broken lips
the wind desperately speaks the truth
blowing sand from twisted ankles
revealing shallow confessions
time is as carelss as our beauty
strewn across the desert
why bother
we are poor
we are brown
we are female
no consequences
why bother
we are poor
we are brown
we are female
why bother
las muertas de Juarez
what about us?
what about me?
invisible
the distraction in your peripherial
red lights
don't stop me from wanting green
from wanting a break
so stop!
just look at me
so stop!
acknowledge my humaness
even with your humanless actions
penny for your thoughts
even if you don't give a dime
careless glances thru judmental slits
you ain't shit either
have a nice day
what about me?

what about me?
can't even be myself
in a society which frowns
with biblical drowns
yet i worship the same God
the same God
that made me in His image
so what does that make Him
stretched wide for the world to witness
across barbwire boundaries i crossed
crown of thorns
no longer in your side
now i can be myself
loving men forever in heaven too
i died for your sins too
what about me?

what about me?
....in progress

Ask And You Shall Receive.....

sooo sent out a text to a few folks: "In need of a writing prompt, any suggestions?"
got some really interesting ones back, and i will try to write on each of them over the near future. here are the ones received so far...feel inspired? go head use them...names are anonymous to protect the innocent lol..yeah right!

--love and compromise and finding the balance...
--not sure when i forgot that i needed me...
--write a letter to yourself forgiving yourself for not knowing how to always take care of you. what would you promise others in order to take care of them that you aren't giving yourself?
--write to you, talking to about you what you deserve and how to do that as if you were talking to someone outside you...
--meet the best friend you are to others. introduce her to you...
--unwanted change...
--write about needing a writing prompt and why...
--using the words beg in, begin, and beginning...
--take a page from a novel and write a poem using the words on that page...
--take title from one of your old poems and use it to inspire new thoughts and point of view of the subject...
--the concept of a poet with no tongue...
--she is the ground i walk upon...an earth/love poem...
--write about the America...and the changes we hope to see with Obama becoming president...
--keep your cloud cover to yourself, you're blocking my sunshine...
--why does the sun shine brighter when you have a hangover?
--how does chocolate and the touch of your lover's hand on the nape of your neck make you feel?
--write about the highs and lows of gambling...
--i will build a palace where this once was...
--a mentalgasmic experience...


not sure when i forgot that i needed me
not even sure when i remembered
but i did
and i do
now
at this moment
red rimmed eyes swollen with unfulfilled promises
hands evident the levees have broken
tired of holding arthritic fingers in heart dams
keeping proud lies present in forced smiles
abandoned arms encircle yesterday's little girl lost
"i love you"
she
i
smile
again