Forgive...

...experience the power of forgiveness. say I forgive you, and mean it. forgive everyone who ever wronged you. forgive him for breaking your heart. forgive her for telling everyone your deepest secret. forgive them both. stop holding grudges, and forgive. forgive yourself for being human, for not knowing all the answers all the time. once and for all, for the sake of your own sanity, forgive. let the sweet and simple rain of forgiveness wash over you. as for forgiveness, offer forgiveness. somewhere, find the inner depth to forgive the man who raped, to forgive the woman who killed, to forgive the friend who betrayed a loving trust. for life, for love, for peace forever; for you, for them, forgive.
--rachel snyder's 365 Words of Well-Being for Women

granting forgiveness to others or more importantly...to yourself...is simply freedom.
the freedom to live again, to love again, to love yourself again. one doesn't even have to let the other person know, or if the other person has passed on...its okay. but yes, you must mean it...for the universe always knows the truth...so does your heart. not forgiving gives the other party power...so now is the time to take it back...and let that shit go...love self, forgive self, forgive them....breathe again(my .02 cents)

flow...

...get out of your own way and let your life flow with the grace of a clear mountain stream. stop trying to orchestrate and manage your way through life. stop trying to swim against the current; the struggle will get you nowhere and will exhaust you in the process. flow into and out of your days without clinging desperately to worn-out ideas, deadened hopes, lifeless relationships. let go and let flow. spend time on the banks of a river, creek, or waterfall. feel the serenity and ease of the effortless flow. remember how a stone that is tumbled and carried by the flow ends up smooth and polished with no rough, ragged edges. be that stone and go with the flow.
--rachel snyder

let go and let flow....one of my new mottos for sure going into this new millenium for me. for my own sanity.
sometimes we are our own worse enemies getting in our own way...fighting against the current, self sabatoge, holding onto shiznit we don't have any business holding onto...or holding on way past the shelf life lol! my struggle...but i know not just my own
...i continue to flow

Find...

...find a way back. find a way forward. find your way through. find lots of women whose company you enjoy and, in the end, find yourself. find the missing link in your history, the one that explains your lingering sadness. find out what makes you feel most alive, and find ways to give it to yourself often. find the real questions before you worry about finding the answers. find a woman writer you adore and read everything ever written by her, for her, or about her. find a stone shaped like a heart and keep it in your pocket (and you did). find the truth behind people's hollow words. find a new, heatlthier, more satifying way to be in relationship with your lover. when you can't find what you're looking for, find the strength to keep on searching. eventually, you'll find what you need.
--rachel snyder

Because i am not alone in this

when i think of him
the mere thought...
causes my mouth to salivate
but the bitterness tatooed on my tongue
reminds me to spit
he is a taste i can no longer afford
empty morself left upon lips
i crave to taste something...anything
as i greedily try to feed this hunger
regurgitating a love affair
tearing at the lining of a soft heart
acidic holes penetrate
way past what i can no longer stomach
sugar sweet words carve pretty jagged lil' pills
forcing me to swallow promises of tomorrows
leaving me in yesterdays
without solid blueprints for a foundation
crumbling outer edges of an existance of simplicity
the sediment of sentiments weighs heavy
scratched across the backside of a bleeding heart
empty corridors echo of ghostly footsteps
closets full
too much to close
for he will not claim his share
i carry the burden of two
the space between forever and never
will consistently bare witness
the space between now and then
will consistently bare witness
the space between he and i
will consistently bare witness
a representation of contradictions
there is no freedom in reflections
that hold me through mere glances
sticky sweet residue clinging to tips of lashes
free falling in pupils causing blurry vision...i better blink
backward glances see the words
written in footprints turning into dust
the path has lost its way
unable to see future within futureless eyes
cracks into fissures
fissures into gorges
gorges into valleys for tears to fill
overflows taunt the levees to break
heartstrings just don't hold it together any longer
but forgiveness granted
as i blow harder to dry fragile wings to fly again

...bye-bye blackbird

Yes...Always...

--for the air that i am allowed to breathe
--for the forgiving heart beating in this chest
--for slowly peeling away the baggage...it tends to stick sometimes you know
--for allowing me to be part of the celebration...so much fun
--for the beauty in your fearlessness
--for the txt msgs and and voicemails received for her...really made her feel part of the ever growing strengthening circle
--for the power of sisterhood
--for taylor being asked to be on the JV track team by her coach!! now if she can just pull her grades up
--for the words dancing from our pens and burning the pages...damn poets i love ya'll
--for shoulders catching tears that will one day water the beautiful flower of you
--for stolen kisses
--for knowing happiness is truly a choice, even in the face of much pain...repeat to self often
--for maxwell's urban suite....i mean seriously!!

Feel...

...feel the pain, feel the joy, until you feel you'll surely evaporate. stop holding back from laughing with your belly, loving from the deepest places of your heart, swooning with the sensuality of life itself. feel how good it feels to love another human--and if you're lucky, to be loved in return. feel the warmth inside you when you do the right thing. feel the fire that's ignited when someone tramples that which matters to you. when another's disregard or arrogance enrages you, feel the anger rise up and roar! let your honest feelings come through, even the ones that make other people squirm. if you're not truly feeling, you're not truly alive--you're just going through the motions and getting nothing in return.
--rachel snyder

so many of us are not truly feeling, not living...just existing. we suffocate our true selves. sweep the pain and the anger underneath the rug of our souls. numb our very existance with over prescribed drugs, alcohol, and other vices...i am guilty of this as well.
this is not about any one life. i am not sitting in judgement, for fingers certainly point back at me.
from my own experience, i have only truly lived these last few years of my 30's and i know my beautiful 40's have even more great things in store for me.
the pain is still there. skeletons still rattle. some days i quiet the demons at the end of a smoke trail wafting through the air...but i am still choosing to feel most days, choosing to live, choosing to laugh in my own face.
we are in need of healing.
we are in need of feeling.
i will reach for you, as i need for you to reach for me
much love

Feed...

...feed your soul whatever it craves. feed your creative juices. feed them time, feed them space, feed them a rich diet of fantasty and friends and feelings. feed your spirit. feed on dance and song and prayer and ceremony. feed on the energy of the circle. feed yourself before you're starving, before you dry up. feed yourself from a river that is pure and untainted, sincere and unadulterated, fresh and clean and flowing. feed yourself...
--rachel snyder

Face...

...face the truth in its myriad forms. face the mirror and really, really look at your own eyes, the shape of your own lips. face another human being and let her eyes meet yours. face your own limitations--especially if you believe you don't have any. face the reality that life and death go hand in hand, that every expansion is followed by a contraction, that every winter eventually melts into spring. face your accusers. face up to your mistakes and resolve them as best you can. face east and greet each day with gratitude. face your own mother and see yourself where you can. if she's no longer here, face her in spirit. face the fact that you can't give your child everything he asks for, and face the fact that he'll probably keep on asking. face your dragons, face your demons. once you get a good look, resist the urge to do an immediate about-face.--rachel snyder

It has been a time for always grateful...

--for Creator & She...thank you for calming my spirt and allowing me to breathe
--for an amazing 2 weeks of poetry...i am full
--for allowing me to kidnap you for 2 days...lol
--for the beautiful valentine card you made me, and your excitement in explaining it to me...too cute
--for enjoying our night as a couple, eventhough we are not...but damn we are sexy together, huh
--for the poets in my life that feed me daily
--for my lil black panther...we are kindred spirits indeed
--for my big brother and all his new found happiness...u r living again
--for moving on no matter how hard...the healing continues and grows in the small footsteps
--for sharing our words with some fantastic receptive young minds on friday...days like those...you know you are doing something right
--for sharing a few words with you before the show...we doing good huh lol
--for the slight change of mind...i pray it will be us once again with the fiyah! representing
--for yummy gourmet veggie pies and sharing with you two on such a beautiful day
--for the flower you left on my dresser...its been hard for me too
--for the poet's circle on holy ground...amazing
--for always believing in love and its possibilities...i am patient
--for us as mothers and our love for our beautiful, somtimes straying children
--for breath and for this wonderful life

Enter...

...enter a room so that people know you've arrived. before you enter, take a deep breath. don't forget to exhale. when you enter a new phase of your life, mark it with a ceremony. leave your shoes off when you enter your bedroom. enter into a new relationship with your self: treat yourself with greater compassion; put yourself first more often. when life presents you with an opportunity the likes of which you never encoutered, open the door and enter. if you're scared, enter anyway. when you enter a restaurant or theater alone, enter with the knowledge that you have as much right to be there as anyone in a couple or a group. when you enter a forest, pause for prayer. when you enter a room filled with beautiful women of all sizes, all shapes, all colors, all ages, and all persuasions, enter with a grin on your face and enter proud.
--Rachel Syder 365 Words of Well-Being for Women

funny how you can hear a song and have it affect you in ways you would never imagine...in one moment change so much...even if you have heard it before...but for some reason, this time it was different....
these words: If God does nothing else for me, He has done enough!
i wept like a dang baby....thank you for always sustaining and protecting me

again....if God does NOTHING else for me, He has done ENOUGH!amen

Enrich...

...enrich the soil before sowing your seeds. enrich the life of a child with trips to the museum and the opera, to farms and forests and fantasy realms. enrich your friendships with the right blend of togetherness, apartness, sameness, and spontaneity. enrich your soul with long, quiet moments of contemplation every day. to enrich your capacity to love, love others. to enrich your capacity to be loved, do the same. enrich your worldview: dance a Balinese dance, eat a Scandinavian flatbread, sing a Russian song of mourning, honor an African hero. Enrich your own feminine spirit by paying greater heed to the cycles of the moon, to your own cycles, to the cycles of women around you. enrich the greater feminine spirit by being with women, sharing the truth of women's ways, calling in the mystery to reveal Herself to women's hearts and eyes.
--rachel snyder

'Tis Good, 'Tis Good

--for how the Universe listens to all that we scream and whisper...so be careful
--for the Universe also teaching me to be still and listen
--learning the power of meditation
--for a great night out with a special woman
--for the new people in my life and instant connections
--for her giving spirit
--for letting go of ghosts...damn why so hard
--for hilarious books and laughing outloud
--for learning new words over breakfast with my big brother and my lil black panther
--for support even when i screw up royally
--for our brother shameless coming back into the fold...see i knew you needed it...we did too
--for the way your eyes caress my skin
--for learning its okay to change the roles...i am still here for you
--for setting the bar high...thanks lalove
--for finding out you will be slamming in our finals...wow, a lil shocked but honored...whew will have to step my game up fo sho
--for what is turning into a really great and blessed year...and its only February...yes Lord...always a good thing

Endure...

...go through the darkness and come out the other side. when you think I can't stand another minute of this, know that you can. when you think I won't make it through another day, know that you will. when you can't take another moment of the pain and the fear and the feelings of hopelessness, take another moment anyway. endure the heartache and come out heartstrong. endure the tremors and the grief and the isolation and come out sturdy and robust and ready for another round. like a diamond in the making, endure the heat and the pressure for what seems like eternity, and emerge with a new brilliance and clarity. when you think you've come to your end, dig deep and endure.
--Rachel Snyder

Flow (work in progress...feedback please)

we continue to flow...
entertwined this time
throughout time
no turning back
back raises to his sun
becoming moon
fire signs in stars
make wishes on fallen ones
captured in our eyes
to light the way into my well
dips his bucket deep inside
to fill satisfaction to the brink

interactions of kinetic energy
speaks languages of the ancient ones
spoken words abandoned
for transcendent understanding
dancing in the temple of pure intimacy
even the air pulls away
from this sacred ground
of you and i

on this surreal continuum
fell into one another in fall
hearth glowing through winter
what will spring and summer bring
during this seasonal lifetime?
we are etched here
folded into always
numbered into infinity
a forever feel felt in one moment

i the light in his darkness
he the deepness in mine
there is no definition
nor label to explain
why would we want to?
it is what it is
complex in nature
simple in touch
and he does
skin craving his fingertips
lips craving my essence
nectar dripping from dream catchers
caught in jazzy translations

tongues pirouette along rims of lips
the reflection in my eyes
his favorite stage to be seen
even lashes hold hands
as pupils dive into one another
like skipped pebbles across still waters
causing reverberations to echo within Venus

smoking each other deeply
exhaled to the soul
a high beyond any altered state of mind
scripting fantasies past fantasies
wrists held in submission
i surrender gracefully
face downward to seek deeper inward
to find his rightful place
in a kingdom meant for him to rule
beside me
with me
sharing this burden and blessing called we
we continue to flow...

Empty...(this is where i am right now)

pour it out. dump it out. throw it out. empty every bag, box, and bureau. empty every closet, every corner, every cupboard, every cell. pull it out. drag it out. clean it out. clear it out. spread it out, sort it out. look at what you've collected, what you've stored, what you carry around with you every day of your life. empty out the old, the unwanted, the unusable. empty out the pain, the heartache, the memories. empty everything that offers nothing.leave things empty for a while. feel empty. feel the lack. feel your way through the nothingness, until at last you feel ready to fill.--rachel snyder