My Jewel

today is bittersweet...still on high from last night and neo coming back strong...but today i am reminded how fragile life can be...it is my Grandmother Jewel's b'day.
she was sent home quite some time ago, but everyday feels like it was just yesterday...the pain and emptiness is still everpresent...though she is prolly fussing right now telling me she hasn't gone anywhere, has always been right there. i know...but...just one more day...please
to smell mother earth in her hands...they were so strong
to have them fixing my hair again
to have her drag me to church kicking and screaming, but letting me lie my head in her lap sucking on peppermints
to have her spoil her great grandbabies with "ice cream" money..even in my 20's she would send me a 20 dollar bill often calling it "ice cream" money...even today i look for those letters. maybe one got lost along the way, and i need it to find me.
to see my children grow strong under her wisdom...didn't need encyclopedias, i had her
to have her continue to teach me the ways of our ancestors...she was incredibly intuitive, used homeopathic remedies before it was "in style", and knew so much before it came to be...the women in my family have always been this way...i pray i honor them with my own.
to hear her quietness, she always chose her words carefully before speaking...i guess we all could learn from that one...she could fuss at me from across the room w/o ever opening her mouth lol...bet i straightened up quick though lol.
to draw from her amazing strength...i know now what she had always known...i come from a line of truly beautiful, gifted, strong and empowering women..just now i have learned to own this legacy...i pray i am still able to pass it on to one, for the other already has it as well.

fallen star wishes
angel wing wishes
Grandmother's sanctuary...she just wishes

i love you and miss you dearly