maybe its the rain.....

but this is how i'm feeling today:
-apprehensive
-scared
-worried
-intrigued
-hopeful
-lonely
-confused
-just weirded the f*** out!

these emotions are not the result of one particular event, but a series of events of late.
nothing to send me in a downward spiral, just got me in a weird place right now.
i think the biggest one is making the slam team again.
yes good...i think.
i'm questioning if its what i want, and i wonder if the reason i sorta breezed thru the slam, not really giving it my all, not memorizing the new pieces...lord knows i had plenty of time, just not feeling it...perhaps secretly hoping i wasn't in the top 5.
i miss my other team members, though most will be close at hand...just not the same.
i am excited about the female dominance of the group, and what we can bring to the table, though.
not looking forward to the time away from my family again...
so right now, i'm questioning all of it...maybe tomorrow, maybe today, maybe in the next hour...my perspective will change...
i could walk away...but so many are saying baby, shelle, mommy...you can do this...
i will try
maybe its the rain...