Her Smile

She wears steel toed black combat boots laced up to her heart-trying to avoid feeling the crap she walks thru-the stench assaults her senses, and she remembers memories engraved within the membranes of her soul--like-her alpha, ovulating beats, pulsing the air, as the conception of her comes into existance-wading in fluids of rejection, bathed in the baptism of simply surviving--and i wonder what lies beneath her smile.
she-an original score, written on torn parchment in backdrops of smokey rooms and back alleys-tattooed on yesterday's regrets-tomorrow's sequels
her bittersweet childhood caught off guard-a lifetime of nocturnal screams thru muted whispers-permeating the air like rancid perfume.
her lil girl tears fall-unnoticed-upon coloring book pages-mixing with purple blues of shattered dreams-spilling outside the lines
fallen star wishes-angel wing wishes-Grandmother's sanctuary wishes-just wishes
they-sharing same blood, only to bleed her innocence in corners of shadowed basements-disguised as deceitful games--he swallows her adoration in delicious gulps-tying to feed his own self hatred
and i still wonder what lies beneath her smile
fast forward-still a scared lil girl with big girl dreams searching for daddy's love in the arms of harm's way-she finds him-hitting her like a train wreck-literally-off track--relishes in his spirit breaking fists, craving his venemous kisses
he-a lil boy himself hiding within the obscurity of playing the role of a man-only to become an understudy-she his costar-but she memorizes her lines-even if the lines are only screams-for she was never heard-unacknowledged existance repeated daily like late night reruns
tears placed just right-makeup flawless-hiding the affection darkening her eye-swelling her lip or bruising her cheek-right on script-humiliation her Oscar-cries of bewilderment, her Grammy
and i still wonder what lies beneath her smile.
encroaching walls closing in as ceiling and floors of their world evaporate, like the curling smoke of a long forgotten cigar-left smoldering between life stained fingers
she had to hate him enough just to love a lil bit of herself
one forgotten piece-left on an old dusty shelf-hidden within the confines of self worth--trying to reclaim her childhood-her innocence-her womanhood
desperation dialates pupils past yesterday-facing reflections of smiles-amongst tears-like shattered glass slowly etching lines of forgiveness down her face
entangled within the truth of thir lies tucked away neatly in corners of a mask masquerading what lies beneath---
her smile.