Beyond My Own Box

So its already known we saw Goapele and Floetry in concert tuesday, though "saw" is not an appropriate word. It was more of an experience, than a mere checking out another concert. i don't have many words for what happened, for its spirit is and will be in my soul for a very long time. she is doing something in there to me, perhaps causing new seeds to grow.
they make me want to be a better woman
and if i do nothing as a result from this experience...then i am a fool!

last night, i was part of a showcase in san antonio.(thank u Vocab) grand opening of sa's own ruta maya. the place is lovely, very metro. a step away from the riverwalk.
yeah, early enough to grab a bite to eat and be serenaded by a mariachi band.
my 2 youngest ones got to hang out with me. it was more of a treat for me than for them. i want to include and expose them to more of what i do, than exclude...thinking poetry once again is taking momma away.
they met some of my fellow poets, and of course hit mom and dad both for their never-ending hunger....didn't we just eat?
okay, so as i'm sitting there, i'm realizing...there's no big brotha b whispering in my ear, no 13 quick coaching me or thumbs up, no joey waiting with encouraging hugs, none of sarah's smiles.
i got scared
wanted to think of an excuse to leave
wait a minute...
these are my fellow poets, here just like you...a passion for the word. no ego trips, no status seeking, just here to share. and we did!
everything and everythang, diversity was great.
knowing i was part of this diversity,
exposing myself to poet's i normally wouldn't have,
meeting new ones next time who won't be strangers,
taking away a new perspective,
realizing i can go beyond my own box...
feet no longer seem as heavy
and the world seems a lil bigger

Creative Juices Over Floweth...

we haven't had a writer's lab in awhile, and it seems we never have enough of them. i love them. seems like there is always someone new. always something different. always a line or two written or heard, that gives birth to an amazing piece later on. i think this was the largest group we have ever had...about 10 i believe.
subject given to me: I Just Can't Find The Words
words must use in any tense: curious, compulsion, fascination, fumble, kinetic, keepsake, satisfied, stupid, numb, nimble.
my pen's compulsion to write
even when i can't find the words,
drives me insane.
memories tucked away
like forgotten keepsakes
collecting dust and senuous webs
life has weaved so much
sometimes wrapped too tightly
cutting the circulation off
leaving my senses numb
stupidity of an existance
lifeless for so long
as i fumbled through the darkness
outrunning demons of my familiar
shelle be nimble
shelle be quick
shelle must jump over the candlestick
curiousity of wanting to be whole
caused me to be still
as kinetic energy flowed
within the pauses of heartbeats and heartbreaths
again i pick up my pen
fascinating story begins
new chapter
new epic
with every stroke
every line
even if i can't find the words
my soul always will.

not too too shabby...something will come form this, always does.
once again thanks Big Brotha B for opening up your home and your heart to us. I swear, you can't help but to write within those 4 walls!!

I Was Tagged....So Watch OUT!!

Hmmm Attributes For A Perfect Lover:
--Make me laugh...often
there is nothing like someone who can make u laugh. whether its breaking a smile or laughing until the tears flow, or anything in between.
--Make love to my mind
lets have stimulating conversations, teach me something, open my mind to new horizons. said it before: the orgasm given mentally will always last longer than the one given physically.
--Be honest
with your words and your life. i am not perfect with this myself, but always striving. you cannot be true to others until true to yourself. self reflection is one of the hardest things to do, but doing it is half the battle.
--Passionate
in bed, making love to my WHOLE body, in life, with your children, with your own passion, what gets your heart to beating fast.....without the fire, u r either boring or dead...sometimes the same thing, right?
--Open minded
i will spring some shyt on your ass sometimes!! I love to keep people guessing about me. I keep a pretty ecletic group of friends around me too, so judging anyone or anything i do is a major NONO!! You don't have to like it...but nobody left YOU to be God either!!
--Be a good active listener
i keep quiet alot. i am more than an observer, but sometimes i dump talk, as i call it. sometimes i don't need u to say a word, just listen to me. let me know you are present though. Look at me. sometimes i want advice, or just good conversation and interaction. someone who can figure out when to talk and when to just listen....but always in the moment!!
--Know my moods
i have a few of 'em, and then on top of that...you got to deal w/ 2 distinct females in one body (seriously). don't take my moods personally, just realize and flow with it. i even drive myself crazy with this one haha
--Believe in a higher power
whether its God, Alah, Budah, or another name...believe that we come from a great source of Love, and we all must continue the journey in love...i belive in the power of prayer...i had a praying grandmother, know what i mean. don't need bible toting religious, need the spirituality.
--Respect the beauty of life
i get giddy over the smallest of things life allows me to see: purples and pinks streaking across dusk skies, butterflies floating on air, solo flight of a bird, the lines in a leaf, wrapping your arms around me when least expected...so someone else noticing life and feeling life is very important.
--Love of family
--Respectful of Women
these 2....enough said
i could give a hundred more, but these i believe are the meat of the bone.
now who will i tag!!!!!
Lets see:
Joey
Thirteen
Brandy
Jai
Angel
Relentless
Copa
Element 615
Mo

Her Smile

She wears steel toed black combat boots laced up to her heart-trying to avoid feeling the crap she walks thru-the stench assaults her senses, and she remembers memories engraved within the membranes of her soul--like-her alpha, ovulating beats, pulsing the air, as the conception of her comes into existance-wading in fluids of rejection, bathed in the baptism of simply surviving--and i wonder what lies beneath her smile.
she-an original score, written on torn parchment in backdrops of smokey rooms and back alleys-tattooed on yesterday's regrets-tomorrow's sequels
her bittersweet childhood caught off guard-a lifetime of nocturnal screams thru muted whispers-permeating the air like rancid perfume.
her lil girl tears fall-unnoticed-upon coloring book pages-mixing with purple blues of shattered dreams-spilling outside the lines
fallen star wishes-angel wing wishes-Grandmother's sanctuary wishes-just wishes
they-sharing same blood, only to bleed her innocence in corners of shadowed basements-disguised as deceitful games--he swallows her adoration in delicious gulps-tying to feed his own self hatred
and i still wonder what lies beneath her smile
fast forward-still a scared lil girl with big girl dreams searching for daddy's love in the arms of harm's way-she finds him-hitting her like a train wreck-literally-off track--relishes in his spirit breaking fists, craving his venemous kisses
he-a lil boy himself hiding within the obscurity of playing the role of a man-only to become an understudy-she his costar-but she memorizes her lines-even if the lines are only screams-for she was never heard-unacknowledged existance repeated daily like late night reruns
tears placed just right-makeup flawless-hiding the affection darkening her eye-swelling her lip or bruising her cheek-right on script-humiliation her Oscar-cries of bewilderment, her Grammy
and i still wonder what lies beneath her smile.
encroaching walls closing in as ceiling and floors of their world evaporate, like the curling smoke of a long forgotten cigar-left smoldering between life stained fingers
she had to hate him enough just to love a lil bit of herself
one forgotten piece-left on an old dusty shelf-hidden within the confines of self worth--trying to reclaim her childhood-her innocence-her womanhood
desperation dialates pupils past yesterday-facing reflections of smiles-amongst tears-like shattered glass slowly etching lines of forgiveness down her face
entangled within the truth of thir lies tucked away neatly in corners of a mask masquerading what lies beneath---
her smile.

MMMMMMMO-------JOOOOE!!!!!

the crowd wanted nothing but Mojoe...forget Solange, momma and poppa Knowles, and thier less than fabulous enterage they brought. I mean do u really think u something with the dark glasses 11:00 at night?
The Austin crew was not impressed...we came for the hottest funky soul band this side of the Mississippi..Mojoe!!
They brought it like hamhocks and collard greens with a side of hot sauce..i mean i'm just saying!!
and the fact poets and old friends were showing up left and right..felt like one of one of B's parties hahahahahahaha...
damn like i said if this is how this wonderful life lately is going to keep on going...shoot let me fasten my seatbelt...keep it coming!!

Randomly Placed Thoughts

in cd player currently:
indie arie
leela james
floetry
these 3 stay in constant rotation it seems....REAL MUSIC

hey kimmy & erica!! sarah & i will see u @ the Floetry concert, picked the tickets up yesterday...yep yep...very excited about this one, since i havent seen them live yet.

Mojoe is playing saturday night @ Cedar Street Courtyard, and i do believe love is opening up with some poetry....must find my dancing shoes fo real!

Tarik has been a trooper with me lugging him around to all the spots lately, he can't keep up he says, and i'm like baby its just getting started. he just shakes his head. "i don't want u change anything just cause u r back home" i love him *sigh*

oh, one reason he's lugging me around...i haven't been driving.
car has been fixed and she purrs like a kitten...so whats the problem? perhaps 'cause a lil cream colored postcard came in the mail stating WARRANT OUT FOR YOUR ARREST!!
I called immediately...DAMN try over $$1700 in fines and 8, COUNTTHEM!! 8 warrants...procrastination once again has kicked me in my big yella ass!!Took care of one, so now down to 7-haha guess i can laugh at that one to keep from crying. (see previous post in oct for reason for warrants)
needless to say i won't be driving for awhile!!

seems R Kelly is n town for a concert @ ut. read the university wanted to bring more diversity to the concert hall....so out of alllll the artists to choose from...this is who u pick?? give me a break...
and on that note, a group of child predators/pedophiles were recently arrested for having a LIVE, yes LIVE feed on the internet of actual molestations of several children...the youngest being only 18 months old!
i was and still am sickened by this...these muthafuckas need to be lined up and simply just shot!!
i don't get it, nor do i want to...

Cherry on Top

what a great week:
did a few voice overs for a tv commercial, excited about the possibilities!
wednesday's Poet's Tag at NeoSoul was mad crazy! my daughter's track meet left me w/o a voice for a few hours. big scare when she hit a hurdle, then hit the ground. she still loves 'em though. brave. Of course, i have already commented on saturday's youth slam and premiere party. once again congratulations jono. love u baby!
by the way sho glad u r not slamming wednesday...give the rest of us a chance!! hahaha
ahhhh but sunday just was the cherry on top. know what i mean. Thirteen explained it best on her blog, and she always does. the pain in my back, not to mention my feet, after waiting for HOURS for Badu to hit the stage, all well worth it. must of been a zillion bands before her, and even a more zillion minutes between each stage setup. My God ya'll are killing me here! ahhh but baby, when FunkSway hit the stage...ahhh sookie sookie now. the back loosened up and the feet went to grooving! i was front and center, lots of my extended family was off to the right (13, erica, bwine, songstress, god's gift, lovey, tre) both beckoning the other to come their way. sorry i wasn't giving up the spot. but we jammed anyway. hey i rhymed.
the energy this band gave forth, was unbelievable...and i'm still feeling it.
None of the CRAP on the radio these days could compare...hell its not even music anymore....hence the movie and the stirring underground movement "Before The Music Dies"...this was it!! I mean, u had 3 piece horn section(sax, trumpet, trombone), 3 guitarists, keyboardist, piano player, singers, and a mixmaster in the back! Come on!!
can u tell i was and still am so excited?
oh, and 13 n i both snagged us a nice memento. she got the better one though, he actually was playing with hers. okay now that sounded funny, but know what i mean.
Like Thirteen said, if what has happened so far this year is any indication how the rest of the year will follow.....
until next time...

YEAH YEAH BABEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

NEEEEOOOO.....K-O-R-I-M!!!
much much much props to all the young poets who hit the stage yesterday in the Austin Under 21 Youth Slam. From beginning to end, absolutely phenomenal. I was a scorekeeper this time, and it killed me taking off points for time penalties. 'cause i believe one particular young female should have moved on....damn 3min/12sec! and the damn judges were hellified tough...i won't make mention of the judge sitting next to us we nicknamed "the judge from Russia". One of the poets whispered, "i just wanna knock in her throat!" lol
our boy jono had the highest scores alllll night. HOT LIKE FIYAH!! so of course he walked away with not only a spot on the team going to Gotham City, but also THE SLAM CHAMP!! all his mammas, aunties, sistas, brothas, and cousins were and are so proud of him!
the team consists of jono aka korim, prophet(love his words), gingis, and one feisty edgy young lady by the name of Kelsey. watch out for this one!
13 n i made a mad dash to Wally World in her brand new mustang!! i didn't want to put my feet down it was so clean. 13 had torn a seam in her shirt, so had to pick up a new one. ok when did wally world get these cute ass shirts? remember the chant...U-G-L-Y you ain't got no alibi....well that was the shirt we found...plus she looked cute as usual...i won't tell her though, smile.
found the spot we were looking for, after much driving. how many points u get for hitting a blonde ut student on 6th?? damn they all look alike.
anyway--we hit the mecca of poets. i mean it was unbelievable who was around. damn we missed them on the mic. oh well, so i rubbed elbows with a few. saw some old familiars i hadn't seen in awhile, hugs were still good. made promises of 'until next time'...didn't want to leave, but it was really late and i was tired.
damn i really love this poetry thang!!
Mo hope u got a big enuff pallet for all these austin mofo's coming!!

Still Just a Girl

So much is going on now with poetry. its like all of a sudden there is something everyday and everynight to do. to a poet, this is both exhausting and exhilarating!
tonight though, my lil girl...well she's now 13, but always my lil girl ya know...she wanted a spur of the moment sleep-over with her best friend. kings of poetry was tonite and our monthly drive to freeverse in san antonio....
but one look into her beautiful browns...and i was like what poetry??
so we had daddy pick up a mess of wings from pluckers, kicked our feet up and became silly silly silly!
they are now singing off of the top of their lungs an old ashanti song. totally off key at times, but i love it!! they are in the process of putting some dance moves together...damn these 2 can dance...i must supervise those hips!!
it is the start of spring break and the weekend, so any regular bedtime hour is out the question. daddy and i love the entertainment they are providing anyway.
her lil brother, now 11, is too goofy to be allowed in her room. so he is sulking and off on his own.
i find myself smiling at the events unfolding. how innocent it all is. how pure. how sweet.i don't want this to ever change for them, yet that is not reality unfortunetly. and that saddens me. soon giggles will be replaced with tears from a broken heart. board games and made up dances with kisses and OH GOD-SEX!! i pray she never stops wanting my hugs and kisses, or snuggle with me when watching tv.
she is an amazing lil girl, growing so fast into a beautiful young lady...sigh...also a budding poet (she adores mahogany browne).
i pray as well, when she gets to be my age, she is able to once again capture her youth with her best friend...wearing fuzzy rainbow slippers, singing off key at the top of their lungs, dancing like no tomorrow, and just being silly silly silly!!
Just being a girl....

the journey continues

what is it like
to b u
to feel u
to create memories in your mind
of me
of us
to be the constant whisper
in your ear
in your heart
to flow thru veins
connecting dna
connecting souls
to engrave u n i
along earthly planes
along time lines
what is it like?
its like when i think of ...
u

What The Hell...!!

okay, so i'm watching the Oscars off and on last night. love seeing who was wearing what...so girly i know. most of the women were absolutely stunning. jamie fox, samuel l jackson, and sexy terrance howard...damn! cool as ice.
now (uh oh)...i love me some george clooney, BUT did he say he loves being a part of this wonderful academy because they knock down barriers (not exact, but close to his words). then goes on to say, this is the same academy who, in 1939, gave Hattie McDaniel an oscar for best supporting actress; the first african american to receive one. i love being in the same category.
WHAT THE HELL!!
does he know, his beloved academy would not present it to her during the actual televised show? she had to receive it in a DAMN EMPTY ROOM!!
I guess giving her an oscar AND allowing her on the show would be just too much.
i am ashamed he even compared the two.
black actors who have received oscars are few and far between. one reason i don't watch them, but i was so hoping Terrance would receive one. Crash is simply phenomenal! but nope not this time...
i guess giving out 2 oscars in one night...again would be just too much!!
3 SIX MAFIA, are u fucking kidding me!! 3 SIX MAFIA!! i wanted to pull my hair out when they got on stage to accept their award. barely could understand what they had to say, and then they had to bleep some of it out!!
Yes, another first. Yes, one for Crash. BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT....
Doing a Florida Evans..."Damn! Damn! Damn!"

No Room 4 Doubt

i hate packing, but this time its okay
i fill the boxes with things i call my life
not complete, but life nevertheless
suprisingly i'm not feeling sad, a lil melancholy, but not sad
this place has served its purpose
and now i'm moving on
sorta like people in your life
either they move on, or u move on
it doesn't mean u love 'em any less
just...the lessons have been taught
their purpose completed
time to grow some more
time to go down yet another road
find a new adventure
...or perhaps a familiar adventure
to create new paths
chisel boulders down to rocks
with time into smooth pebbles
for the road will always have its problems
just how will i deal with 'em is up to me
face head on...no more running
i watch him sleeping
and wonder
i trace his broad shoulders carefully
not to wake him
he smiles and reaches for me
and whispers, pulling me closer
"i have missed u so much"
...and i know i have made the right choice
as i snuggle into his love
i finally sleep like a baby.

the journey continues...

Stretch

I originally wrote this for Sarah, not too long ago during a dark moment. With her blessing, i asked if i could post it here.
So, now this is for you Joey as well(thanku for creating my beautiful blog :))...also for me and any other woman going thru something.

the storm is coming
but its okay
i will be your shelter
don't hide behind the clouds
instead break thru
claim back your sky
let the rain fall
i will hold the umbrella
and even if u get wet
let the layers melt away
let the pieces fall
upon fertile ground
pain being the seeds
from which u will grow
so strong
stretch your SELF high
within the winds of change
breezes of possibilities
keep stretching
until u think u can't anymore
then stretch again
past imaginary boundaries
a lil more
and claim back your sky

much love