It's A New Day...

--for the love, patience, and grace given unconditionally daily by the He/She
--for the love, patience, and understanding i give myself daily...just not always unconditionally
--for knowing when to speak up and when to remain quiet
--for talks because we have come a long way
--for possibilities
--for you reaching out to me, and me being there to catch you
--for best girlfriends and guyfriends...and getting it right this time
--for getting to know me just a lil' bit more
--for my kids and spring missing me
--for keeping it real between us
--for roses, partner in crime, and crawfish boils...im still grinning
--for the smile you put on my face daily...you make me giggle ms lady
--for hard talks with you, but necessary and we got through it
--for you not being my "it", but not settling and taking someone else's opportunity for you to be their "it"...enjoyed our time
--for loving these 40's..it will get even better
--for peace within self

he teaches me well how to hate him, and loves me more for it
he teaches me well how to love him, and hates me more for it
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i can mindfuck you to satisfaction
with each flick of my tongue
using my metaphors as dreamy pillows
and my similes to keep you warm
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i gave you the name Morgan Michelle
because a piece of me died with you
before you could take one single breath

one hand a tight fist, the other 5 lil fingers spread open
as if holding on and letting go simultaneously
to the umbilical cord that binded us both no longer
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this is me...deal with it!
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my stomach bloats from all the bones i had to swallow
closets were overflowing
and the walls were beginning to talk back
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i see him
struggling
everyday
trying
to become the man
his father never was
trying
to become the man
his mother birthed him to be
but his instruction book disintegrated at the age of 15
the exact moment she took her last breath
he
running through the streets so fast
trying to go back to the moments before
before cancer no longer dined on her body
before the children said "where's mommy?"
his efforts proved futile
still
he has been searching for his best friend ever since
in every laugh
in every tear
in every memory burned into his cortex
like panoramic views
God can be cruel sometimes to a teenage boy.

Muse...

...lose yourself in dreamy days. close your eyes and turn off the rooftop chatter and let your thoughts wander with the ease of a feather floating on a warm summer breeze. wonder as you wander. muse away the afternoon awash in fantasy. go in and out of this and that and nothing in particular. follow a bumblebee into the heart of a blossom and see where it takes you. imagine your own trip to Wonderland, your journey to the deepest center of Inner Earth, your flight on angel wings. climb onto the soft and silky back of a unicorn and be carried far away to that unknown place where rainbows live between the rains. call your uses to your side. let them hold your hands and whisper words in your ears and breathe into your being the sweet, holy breath of inspiration.
--from Rachel Snyder's 365 Words of Well-Being For Women

It Is What It Is....

--for evening and morning "thank you's" for my life and all who are in it...guide my feet
--for my 3 and their laughter...incredible watching them grow
--for an incredible birthday present...i mean just yummy...can i have some more?
--for a much needed retreat...everything from thumb antics to bowling strikes with interest
--for reconnections...we been waiting a long time huh?
--for soldier's safe homecoming
--for butterflies and bees in springtime
--for seeing the most beautiful man i have ever seen...seriously had me talking outloud...Dhani Jones...my goodness thank you for creating HIM!
--for conference IM's that make you almost pee in your pants with laughter
--for vanilla ice cream with sliced fresh strawberries...so simple/so yummy
--for the gift of new glass pipes...thank you, will be put to good use i promise
--for feeling vulnerable and safe
--for baby pics and reminiscing
--for seeing the growth of a woman poet, i know will be a name of record, and one i call friend
--for seeing you slam again...you were toooo dang cute
--for apologies after heated arguments...growth
--for Paper Bear
--for knowing, or at least trying to know, when to let go and when to hold on
--for seeing and reading how you are stripping away the layers...i got you sis
--for hands in my hair
--for the power in the simplicity of a kind word
--for understanding of self...just a lil bit odd
--for lakeside kungfu movies in the making
--for simply complicated moments
--for the reason i love the color mauve
--for forgiving officers
--for opening up just a bit more to the possibilities of "I"

41 Reasons...and Facts about Shelle

1. i still search for God in all its forms, for there is not just one way nor one true/right religion...i try to wrap myself in He/She daily
2. my beautiful children, has been a learning experience...can't believe they are almost adults now...i think i did okay.
3. my male best friend who has been by my side pretty much my entire adult life. my rock, my foundation...what does life have in store for us now?
4. the relationship with my girl most don't get...you know what?...we don't care, 'cause we understand one another...even have our own language lol
5. i know how far i have come, despite what i have been through...if you truly knew my story...
6. loving this skin i am in finally, because i never use to
7. nobody has to tell me i am a good person or that i am one helluva woman...i know
8. i have loved, in one way or another, some amazing people...each one teaching me a lil bit more about me...no room for regrets
9. i am a pretty creative person when i just let go
10. poetry..so much to say to you, for you turned my life upside down and recreated me
11. found my voice May 2004...and i ain't shutup yet
12. i am starting to see my mother for the woman she needs me to see, a lil' more each day...i'm at least trying
13. it hurts like hell peeling away the layers, but necessary to find the authenticity of I
14. i still get severe stage fright everytime i hit the mic, breathing and prayer works wonders
15. i am quite aware of the power of this voice of mine, just hope folks truly hear me
16. this heart of mine is worn out, from giving it away so much...but hey, i keep pretty ribbons, thread, stickers, bandages, glitter, and glue to keep it together
17. i see things in other realms...really i do
18. i am odd and quirky, but i love that fact about myself
19. i am an Aries strong...and i do use my horns
20. i have a split personality, i joke about it, but its true
21. i am stronger than i give my self credit for
22. i still struggle with the negative talk, which has caused me to miss out on many opportunities
23. my insatiable sexual appetite (as sc once called it) gets me in trouble sometimes...ah but makes for great memories lol...don't judge...sexuality can be freeing...just keep it safe
24. my cooking skills will keep you satisfied...love the comfort foods
25. i got so much to do and still so much to own up to...pray for me
26. my grandmother was/still is one of the most important influences in/on my life...she was a trailblazer
27. i carry a lot of guilt i wasn't around as much in her last years
28. i enjoy making others feel good...whatever and however that may be...brings me satisfaction
29. i have a fetish for cherry cobbler and chocolate...no not together lol
30. my family is very important to me, somewhat quite traditional in that matter
31. i really love being me
32. all i want is "that kinda love"...such a hopeless romantic i am
33. you & i have been to hell and back, so this view from here is quite nice lately...you my dear have taught me so much about myself in a weird kinda way, may not talk on the phone much or hang out...but i know you got me, and i got you...even in our separate lanes lol
34. i am not living up to my potential...very aware of this
35. i hold onto people much longer than what their season is suppose to be
36. there is a specific reason(s) i am here, and i think it has to do with healing in someway through words...praying to find it soon
37. the older i get, the less time i have for bs and the people who speak it...next!
38. i have to be very careful about who i let in my space, believe the fact they can leave their essence on you, whether neg or pos. and not everyone has the best intentions
39. i have got to stop trying to heal the men in my life...especially if they don't want it or too afraid to want it...but i'm still here for them...just got to figure out how to separate the two
40. meditation and prayer are necessary
41. damn...i...am...41...years...old....now what?