ACCEPT

recognize what you can change and what you can't. in every moment, accept that everything is as it should be. accept that your body is round and fat AND glorious. just love it. accept that you don't do things the way everyone else does. just embrace it. accept that sometimes your belly hurts, sometimes you don't have enough money to pay the light bill, sometimes life is too hard. just cry and move through it. accept that you can't do it all--and who would want to, anyway? accept a kind word. don't apologize. accept a gift--no matter how big, how small. say Thank you without embarrassment. accept that life isn't always fair and find the wonder in that, too. don't accept things that aren't yours, like misdirected shame and blame. like credit for someone else's accomplishment. like disrespect. accept everything you are and nothing you are not.

-from 365 Words of Well-Being for Women

IMAGINE...

imagine things being different. imagine a little less struggle and a lot more joy. imagine yourself living every moment out of love instead of fear. imagine making space each and every day just for you. imagine peace breaking out all over the world. imagine loving your body just the way it is. imagine everyone loving it. imagine working at something that fills your heart and nourishes your soul and challenges your mind and covers rent and food, too! iamgine that everything you need can be provided. now imagine that it is. imagine none of your friends dying of breast cancer. imagine there is a Heaven, and it's right here on Earth. imagine feeling rested and serene and safe and loved each and every day.

imagine that!

--from the book 365 Words of Well-Being for Women by Rachel Snyder

If ever a reason to be....

-for protection seen and unseen
-for my lovely daughter's 15th year on earth...i am so enjoying watching her grow into such a beautiful young lady
-for her enjoying her day, and showing me with happy tears
-for smiles and young love
-for $200 comp'd meals @ Sullivans....tarik still gets the great hookups lol
-for the fact we can still laugh together
-for us getting past the pain
-for seeing your own growth through a very tough month...i do see you
-for both of us wanting it to be better...it will...partner (lol)
-for moonlit nights in the company of others, and laughter until it hurts
-for a very grown and sexy (right evan?) Jill Scott...crown royal on ice...whew damn!
-for healthy kids...though this season's allergies are kicking everybody's azz!!
-for truth spoken in hiphop...in poetry
-for seeing though you are a woman, you do some straight up dude mess...not grateful for that, but grateful for recognizing
-for babygirl and her much needed journey east
-for knowing i need to tie up some loose ends
-for the writing that is flowing
-for national bring a brotha to neosoul night...ask and we will see
-for a good life right now, even with the bumps, even with the off beaten paths, even with the familiar roads...but i'm moving in the right direction i think.

It is HER 15th year on this earth today!

ahhh my heart be still...seems just like yesterday we brought her home from the hospital...and she has kept me smiling ever since! so blessed

it is what it is
so leave it alone
fate has no reason to occupy this space any longer
she was lost from the beginning anyway
forced destiny doesn't make it be
just makes you a fool with good intentions
and i did
and i was

line insides with cellophane wrappings
to keep it unspoiled
though shelf life is 16yrs and a day past expiration
and its getting funky up in here

open up a window
tear down a door
cut a hole in the foundation
should be easy
wood rot is evident
from years of unseen tears
falling into cracks unnoticed
and untreated

catch a glass or two
through the floorboards
keep it on the nightstand
when thirsty for bitterness
or at least a reminder
of why those wings
hanging from the closet door
will fit real nicely soon

but you got to grow into them girl
the right way

Thankful Thursdays

--for Creator & She...my rock
--for witnessing the insanity of rock baby, laughing until it hurts, and neosoul titties lol
--for taking my big girl pills lol
--for 40th bdays
--for being unselfish, wonder if you were testing me, huh?
--for cool parties, and some craziness...good laughs though
--for making the first move, i'm learning i'm learning
--for the peanut gallery...too funny...hey i tried, and again i'm learning
--for new beginnings rising from the old ashes
--for walking the halls of tay's school open house night, brought back memories of my own HS days
--for you looking really nice in your new shirt and new shoes, please keep it up
--for a hella card partner
--for me letting go and treating it as it is...a good time
--for great middle school football games...goooooooo kami!
--for nods of acknowledgement....goes a long way coming from you
--for new nailpolish
--for metaforphosis...yes it is suppose to be spelled that way LOL
--for laughing until we couldn't breathe
--for SANDBLOOM TONIGHT OMG!
--for knowing you want to be there for her, but wish you would see your own worth past this lifetime
--for jamming like we had lost our minds last night, but dang that mess was tight!
--for the beautiful women in my life, we come in all levels and degrees lol, yet each of you have taught me sooooo much about forgiveness, love, life, and myself.
--for the possibilites of me....endless, and quietly listening for direction...
--for this life i am in....
--for the words that allow me to birth them...forever grateful

Sho Right!

Communion

rainbows are not necessary
as long as i can capture the moon
place it on this tongue
to taste rhythm
and ease these blues

don't swallow
allow communion to melt slowly
with purpose
with healing
let tides wash through veins
and waves splash against chamber walls
cleanse whatever has adhered itself

purging goes deeper than what fingers can ever find
therefore find me
in the deepest regions of self
behind mardi gras masks
and plastic trinkets
in between tattered boxes
and broken glass carousels
she is there waiting

the lil' girl with wild flowers
braided into her hair
bandages on unkissed knees
purple paint on her cheeks
because Grandmother said,
purple was the color of royalty

who once found her throne
in tops of trees
and butterflies mistook her
for nectar
played games with those unseen
played until the seen said...
you are different
their is no place for you here

ashamed was the new color
painted in streaks across her cheeks
the wildness began to leave her
hard to be yourself
when the ground was taught to be safer than the wind
and butterflies were meant for jars

she is there though
amidst the forgotten
knees pulled close under bruised chin
hit repeatedly on the way down from the treetops
silver locket of giggles
hangs broken around her neck
torn dreams in clenched fists
and moonstones under her nail beds
she was just that close to the sky

take her hand
hug me tight
release purple tears
to stain colorless cheeks
absorb into self
feel the wildness grow tendrils
creeping through cracked foundations
laugh at the unseen's jokes
let butterflies kiss fingertips
and carry back to the moon...
for this communion
is much sweeter than any fleeting rainbows

Da Weekend's Randomness

-wow...you are 40 today! Baby, i know now is not how you want it to be, or ever expected, or at least wanted to admit to...i may not be your lady any longer, but know love is always present. our paths are changing, winding different directions, but i will never stray too far away to at least wave a friendly hello. 16 1/2 years, saying you & i have history is an understatement...so let it be written, for it will never be done.

-i still love the Red Hot Chili Peppers...and wonder if you do to, and remember the time we danced together in the mud at LaLapalooza like we had lost our damn mind? i tried looking for you recently, but some things are best left unfound.

-WTF is this SHYT on the radio lately, which station? pick one, it doesn't matter...its crap! but we grooving to it right!

-you thought i would come home with you...and couldn't understand why not...perhaps that was another lady you met...'cause she ain't here no mo...fo sho

-hate on me...'cause i am NOT going anywhere

-we are hellafied sitting across the table from one another...crazy esp, telepathy type shyt!! LOL we came to play dammit!

-YES it is a hate crime, but understand that hate crimes carry lesser sentences...not right, but it is what it is...they want to make sure these poor white trash mofos get the max, nothing less.

-It was your party girl, your rules...but damn you are off the chain!!

-slowly but surely the clothes kept in the back are coming back (big smile)

-you want want want, take take take, but don't give give give

-i don't care if i got it all together, po po still make me break out in a sweat when i see them. make my ass quiver!

-old school prince...OMG...i dare you to stay still

-you walked in
i held my breath
and watched
and waited
"is anyone sitting here?"
i exhaled "no"
and watched...
and waited...
sat gently
crossed legs
crossed hands
stylish
flower skirt
creamy skin
full hips
silver ring
long neck
want to kiss
lakeview eyes
pink lips
school girl
upswept locs
entangle me
small talk
sweet smile
shy
a writer
a poet
conversation over
too soon
kicking self
not "seen" sooner
another time fair lady

-why are animals valued more than our human counterparts....what about the children starving? the women disappearing in south america? the genocide? the war? the women dying at the hands of "loved ones"...the...the...the...you get the point i'm sure.

-why do i have a hundred things to do to prepare for the week, but sitting here blogging?

peace out ya'll....continued blessings

Ya think?

Thankful Thursdays...

--for Creator and She, and all the continued blessings
--for writing labs, this one a bit odd lol, but good poetic words shared anyway
--for slapping hands, next time ya'll going to time out i swear LOL
--for positive energy
--for missing you
--for being okay with choices...and moving on
--for him just wanting to be near you...hope you noticed
--for the women in my life, including self, going through some thangs...but we are going to be alright...and better for it!!
--for truths, no matter the reaction, needed to be said
--for next lifetimes...and the beauty in this one
--for my lil theo just wanting a hug
--for getting some of my space cleared out in the garage for more creativity...one step closer
--for cooler nights...YES!
--for softer shoes, and smoother pebbles...
--for words still coming...for words still whispering...for words still haunting
--for you trusting me...and me learning to trust again...slowly
--for you playing matchmaker...too cute
--for email pix right on time lol
--for this skin im in

Silence

winds stir just beyond her lips
waiting for her to speak
but she is silent in this moment
listening for answers
listening for self

yearns for winter to come soon
to keep her warm
needing to breathe brittle mornings
exhaling to see if still alive

her eyes move cautiously
watching peripheral hauntings
vision remains clouded
lids too heavy to blink

breezes flirt with her hair
playing with kept secrets
causing the bend in her lips
to slightly curl upwards

scolds the winds with a single finger
they quickly return them
tucked neatly away for another day
this is not their time
but she is their place

her guardian bends slightly
joined by four others
because ten would be suffocating
wraps maternal understanding across chest
to land gracefully on her shoulder

left guardian waits its turn patiently
balled fist ready
fighting is necessary these days

but she's tired

the winds dare not move beyond her lips
they too wait, for her to speak
they too wait, for the answers

and so do I...

affairs of the heart

are you taking,
are you giving,
or
are you giving mine back?
any decision
any action
right now
would be a relief.

am i offering,
or am i relenquishing?
any decision
any action
right now
either way it will be painful.

Everyday...

--for Creator & She
--for yummy BBQ, and i did that in the pouring rain...so i didn't check the forecast lol...but i was determined!
--for long weekends
--for cooler nights and dark starlit skies
--for sippin' on wine, with lit torches, under a night sky, writing poetry...niiice one...it can be very romantic solo (sometimes)
--for finally receiving Nats '06 in the mail...and funny memories
--for changed hearts and changed minds
--for trying to hook you up, but the look on your face said otherwise
--for it not bothering me to see you with someone else, at least until i see you with someone else that is...but i want you to be happy baby
--for the beautiful growth in my children
--for jessica getting a new job...small miracles
--for him wanting to call me mom...too cute
--for long distant calls from an old friend...i can't wait to see you again
--for clouds staying at bay
--for smiles...real ones
--for morning kisses and have a good day mom
--for evan allowing me the honor to read one of his pieces tonight...dang im nervous about it too lol
--for words coming fast and furiously...thank you
--for being able to agree to disagree, but still opening up the mind and seeing it all...you do change my views sometimes sunshine
--for still believing the right kind of love is out there for me...i gotta believe it
--for family and great friends
--for silly animals in my house keeping me laughing
--for 14pounds gone and counting..yep yep

Mother's Day

the sun would not shine on her porch this day
darkness stood instead
uniformed bleakness
one labeled with salvation
how ironic,
he would not be saving her from anything
black death at her door
special delivery from across the seas

if i don't open the door and let them in
then their words do not exist,
and this nightmare will go away

a forced intimacy these 2 knew too well
daily dance with different partners
none never willing
yet their dance card remains full

the sun still refused to shine in 6ft deep shadows
she hugged crisp corners filled with deception in every fold
hoping to smell his sweetness again
squeezed so hard, blood seeped from its stripes
staining the ground
this cemetery of the brave
and now free

its all she had left
yet nothing she wanted...

much more to this piece...but regardless of the words, we have got to bring them home, and i don't mean in bodybags.
If you get a chance, watch the HBO special "Letters From Home"...keep your tissues near, and hug your children.

when i think of him...
the mere thought of him
causes my mouth to salivate
but the bitterness tattooed on my tongue
reminds me to spit...
he is a taste i can no longer afford