i believe everything, and i mean everything happens for a reason. there is a lesson in it all, and if u don't get it this time...it will continue to return. same story, different faces.
i fell apart on stage wednesday, literally. though a painful piece to write, my breakdown had nothing to do with the words. well, so i thought, until i read the words 'i wish'. and i do wish it was all different.
eventhough i had a mental breakdown, damn, in front of so many; early morning hours brought a mental breakthrough.
i realize i am in mourning in many ways. hard to let go of baggage u have carried around so long. hard to let go of people who help carry the baggage with u. sometimes sitting on it, so you must carry both.
time to put it down
time to leave you behind
i am far from getting through my own mess...but at least i am on the path through it, trying to keep moving.
looking in the mirror....wow a tough one, i dare anyone else to do it.
i mean really look at yourself and be honest.
and talk honestly...
...without being defensive, without accusations.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
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7 comments:
Yes sister, self reflection is so painful...and liberating. Sometimes that I why I feel like this "life" is actually the "hell" concept and I dont truly believe in the regular concept of hell. You cant feel the low of the lows unless you have felt the bliss of the highest high. And that is some of the most painful shit to feel. So I believe we keep comin back to earth until we get our stuff together and then we are able to rest. So just know you are on your journey home sister, cause I wanna party with you upstairs next go around!
now u know i don't agree totally w/the hell stuff...we create alot of our own shit ya know. life is full of lessons though, its up to us whether we want to learn them.
and sistah ya know if it wasn't for u...well i think ya know.
I don't know where you are spiritually and I don't want to say anything to offend you but I can tell you this...the baggage that you have is part of who you are and the thing is that you cannot carry it yourself. You weren't MEANT to carry it yourself. You need to give it up and allow yourself to grieve, deal, and be who you are supposed to be. :)
Although we aren't that close Shelle, it hurt me to see you hurting Wednesday. I could actually feel the pain seeping out through your words. I agree with what g said, NONE of us are meant to carry "it" by ourselves. And you're right, the hardest part is looking in the mirror--honestly, critically, and continuously.
I’m currently reading a book by Deepak Chopra, The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life, and I want to share this statement with you: "The life you know is a thin layer of events covering a deeper reality. In the deeper reality, you are part of every event that is happening now, has ever happened, or ever will happen. In the deeper reality, you know absolutely who you are and what your purpose is. There is no confusion or conflict with any other person on earth. Your purpose in life is to help creation to expand and grow. When you look at yourself, you see only love." I love you Shelle, and I’m glad that you’re learning how to love yourself too. :)
fall apart sweetheart...there's a lot of love to catch you...over and over and over again, for as long as you need, or want.
Koffee-as hard as it is, this is what i am doing and why the meltdown. letting go is a painful journey as well.
g-if your words are from a pure place then how can it offend me? thanku for them.
angel-this is the second time reading your post. now i understand. wow. i can't say thank u enough. u n i r going to work on the closeness thing okay...much love
brandy-there are no words, but u already know.
well you know i know about the honesty with yourself and how hard that is so to do that...wow.
the word that caught me that you used was mourning. sometimes we do have to just mourn for what we lost (good and bad) if only for a moment.
purge pain girl... :)
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