so its been a month...lol
i find it interesting i do not crave it anymore. truthfully it was the "touch" i was craving, yet they never took the time to touch me. realizing this has opened my eyes to so much more, creating new realities in my life.i have enjoyed this sexual freedom i have had lately. enjoyed the fact i finally had some control...but, always a but...i now want more in my life, getting bored with casual and not being satisfied...literally and figuratively. i know i have much work to do on this being of me and her, but i am more willing now than ever. i feel it is time. preparing myself for ....hmmm i don't know. excited though...cause its something. there's this feeling, growing deep inside of me, an energy i cannot explain...just waiting to spill forth. also preparing myself for the one i will meet headon...looking for me. no more relationships of resentment and anger, unhealthy or soul stealing. these things i must forgive myself for, exercise out of me, inorder to be healthy for whoever. instead of my full line of baggage...too heavy to carry at times, full of holes and overstuffed, shit falling out all over the place...i can just bring something small enough to carry in my backpocket.
Ceelo says "i always keep me some pain"...and that too is okay. just when the the old stuff appears, oh and it will...like rejects from Goodwill!! want to realize what it is, deal with it, move on.
to move on....to move on
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
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7 comments:
I'm proud of you Chelle! It's been a month for me too boo and I feel you on missing the "touch." I keep trying to put this into the perspective of, this is only proving how strong I really am, how driven I really am, how TOTALLY AWESOME I really am! The bottom line is, if every inch of our bodies were a story...how comfortable would you feel if you weren't the narrator anymore? That's how I began to feel and that's why I changed/am changing my life. Lord knows there's only enough room for one puppetmaster in this marionette show called my life... :)
OMG...the love bug bit you good! but i aint mad at you. keep doing what ya do and let the love bloom, ya heard!
Chelle..... I cannot say I am proud of you for living up to your personal expectations. I can say I am proud of the woman you are allowing yourself to become. We are both late.. late.. bloomers, having been in monogamous relationships for so long.. What do you do with the freedom? What do you do with this new found beauty? What do you do when more people than you ever imagined find you lovable, resistable, and desirable; but for all the wrong reasons? I am still searching for answers. I am still searching for me. Remember what the priest told me.... You have to meet each other face to face, eye to eye... Keep looking forward and always with your head up.
thir13teen
as i have told you before Michelle, it gives my heart great joy to watch this story unfold--the story of a beautiful woman who is taking the time to truly see herself that way, and moreover, to have confidence enough to expect the ones who love her to see it--truly see it--too...and if that is a slow and deliberate process--no worries...isn't the kind of love that lasts a lifetime exactly that--a slow and deliberate process??
My soul sista...god I love you. And while I am so sad that we share some similar pains, I love the strength it has allowed us to get from each other. I love you Shelle. Head to toe.
I love to see how you are growing. Like a rose thru concrete you know? I am so blessed to be a part of it. Part of that is dropping the worry about how others see you, because only you can invent--or reinvent you. People stand on others often to feel closer to the clouds. Reach up baby, keep going and it will all come.
baby... saw the passion in your piece last night sister...delivery was straight amazing, love watching you grow mama!
"no more relationships of resentment and anger, unhealthy or soul stealing. these things i must forgive myself for"
that struck a cord with me...I took it personally...in a good way. I love the honesty you have with yourself. You deserve every moment of the good that will follow your post.
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