family ties...con't

not related directly to previous post. but directly related to the ties that bind.
yes, its after midnight and i still have a million and one things to do.
didn't i say i wouldn't do this again this year? i have improved though, not worrying too much about everybody in my life getting something from me that will probably get lost or broken, or worse-forgotten along the way.
i think the best gift i could give is of myself anyway.
the best gift to receive these days...friends and family...truly blessed to have some friends i consider family
lately i have spent a lot of quality time w/ my own seeds, realizing just how much i truly have missed them
realizing just how damn funny they are...so unique...damn they actually came from me
realizing just how good they are for my soul
but i'm still not ready to come home
home-funny word, simple word very complicated
i look around at the home i once made, dust has collected in many corners
things i thought mattered...no longer do
its their home now, yet a figment of my own imagination
so i try to help out as much as i can for their reality
to help the man they are a part of, that i was a part of for over 14years
will continue to be a part of....but different kind of way now
i know he tries to do the best he can with what he has, but its hard for him, its hard for a man
he didn't realize just how much i actually did to keep it 'home'
i didn't realize just how much i actually did, still so much to be done
overwhelming
didn't realize how empty my own lil apt is-not a home-wondering if i will ever find a 'home' again?
wondering if 'someone special' will ever enter my life again
when will i breathe again?
not actually how i intended for this blog to be, but guess it went where it was suppose to go
i have presents to wrap and pies to bake....Merry Christmas all you beautiful people