i can't find the words

i have been in a writing funk lately. bits and pieces come to me, nothing ever completed. though in a funk, i feel something brewing just below the surface...like watching a pot boil on simmer. my fellow poet and friend, who i also claim my big brotha b has been such an inspiration for me. he is one of the few people in my life that require nothing of me but to just 'be'. so we got together last night for a one on one writing lab. did some good...the piece he is working on is phenomenal...and i hope he shares it soon w/the rest of us. we gave one another subjects and words to use -so here it goes-in progress of course:
Open notebook
pages before me-empty
empty like a mother's arms awaiting her firt born
who will never return from war
the silence of my mind
of my own pen
is deafening
i cant find the words

nouns, verbs, metaphors and similies
play hide and seek within the corners of my mind
and i'm always it
laid out
stretched too thin
i torment myself
with this game of cat and mouse
only to be trapped inside a cage with no bars
a life sentence
i plead for clemency
even parole will do

at night i pray to the poet gods for clarity
lay sacrifices of cannibus at their feet
they tease me in my sleep
speak to me in whispers and ironies
with promises of tomorrow you will write
only to allude one more time come mornng light
i feel like i'm failing fast
feriously fighting for a poet's faith
only to freefall thru my own mind
like alice in wonder land

doubt feels these pages
i know what it is to be blind
for i see nothing
i just cant find the words
abandoned by my own or was it mutiny?
for stagnancy and mediocracy have taken over
like a virus invading the thought process only to process nothing
i need an injection to cure this viral infection of writer's block

i want to become my own surgeon
extract my brain
dissect my memories
let the past and present spill onto this paper
take my heart out
give it a beat
a cadence
extract my soul
give it life
amputate my hands
so it will grab you and pull you in
sever my veins
let the blood fll my pen
recreate who it is i am
was
or yet to be
....................................not finished