Me

i am still trying to figure thing called "me" out
42 years strong
hasn't always been this way though
stood in the darkness most of my life
even the shadows scared me
so i stayed where i felt the most comfortable
searching
yearning
to believe in something
to believe in myself
darkness turned to greys
i was no longer fitting the black and white
cause clear cuts don't break even with me
i took the hands wrapped around my songless throat
wrapped them around pens and mics instead
let alter egos speak for me instead
for us...instead
i was tired of bleeding beyond every 28 days
tired of this life being my natural cycle
fuck that!!
no looking back
no looking down
i keep telling myself this
yet
those shadows are still there
lurking
rotting
oh the smell
i don't like the way they touch me
stealing moments
memories slicing through keloid scars
rising to the occasion
ok i get it
deal with it
with them
with him
with her
with you
yeah with you
deal with it
no spades this time
take the jokers out
no matter how high the score
pens are like swords
burn the tip
cauterize the wound
feels like new tattoos
my battle
my beauty
my line
and i am pushing it!