It's A New Day...

--for the love, patience, and grace given unconditionally daily by the He/She
--for the love, patience, and understanding i give myself daily...just not always unconditionally
--for knowing when to speak up and when to remain quiet
--for talks because we have come a long way
--for possibilities
--for you reaching out to me, and me being there to catch you
--for best girlfriends and guyfriends...and getting it right this time
--for getting to know me just a lil' bit more
--for my kids and spring missing me
--for keeping it real between us
--for roses, partner in crime, and crawfish boils...im still grinning
--for the smile you put on my face daily...you make me giggle ms lady
--for hard talks with you, but necessary and we got through it
--for you not being my "it", but not settling and taking someone else's opportunity for you to be their "it"...enjoyed our time
--for loving these 40's..it will get even better
--for peace within self

he teaches me well how to hate him, and loves me more for it
he teaches me well how to love him, and hates me more for it
--------------------------------------------
i can mindfuck you to satisfaction
with each flick of my tongue
using my metaphors as dreamy pillows
and my similes to keep you warm
--------------------------------------------
i gave you the name Morgan Michelle
because a piece of me died with you
before you could take one single breath

one hand a tight fist, the other 5 lil fingers spread open
as if holding on and letting go simultaneously
to the umbilical cord that binded us both no longer
--------------------------------------------
this is me...deal with it!
--------------------------------------------
my stomach bloats from all the bones i had to swallow
closets were overflowing
and the walls were beginning to talk back
---------------------------------------------
i see him
struggling
everyday
trying
to become the man
his father never was
trying
to become the man
his mother birthed him to be
but his instruction book disintegrated at the age of 15
the exact moment she took her last breath
he
running through the streets so fast
trying to go back to the moments before
before cancer no longer dined on her body
before the children said "where's mommy?"
his efforts proved futile
still
he has been searching for his best friend ever since
in every laugh
in every tear
in every memory burned into his cortex
like panoramic views
God can be cruel sometimes to a teenage boy.

Muse...

...lose yourself in dreamy days. close your eyes and turn off the rooftop chatter and let your thoughts wander with the ease of a feather floating on a warm summer breeze. wonder as you wander. muse away the afternoon awash in fantasy. go in and out of this and that and nothing in particular. follow a bumblebee into the heart of a blossom and see where it takes you. imagine your own trip to Wonderland, your journey to the deepest center of Inner Earth, your flight on angel wings. climb onto the soft and silky back of a unicorn and be carried far away to that unknown place where rainbows live between the rains. call your uses to your side. let them hold your hands and whisper words in your ears and breathe into your being the sweet, holy breath of inspiration.
--from Rachel Snyder's 365 Words of Well-Being For Women

It Is What It Is....

--for evening and morning "thank you's" for my life and all who are in it...guide my feet
--for my 3 and their laughter...incredible watching them grow
--for an incredible birthday present...i mean just yummy...can i have some more?
--for a much needed retreat...everything from thumb antics to bowling strikes with interest
--for reconnections...we been waiting a long time huh?
--for soldier's safe homecoming
--for butterflies and bees in springtime
--for seeing the most beautiful man i have ever seen...seriously had me talking outloud...Dhani Jones...my goodness thank you for creating HIM!
--for conference IM's that make you almost pee in your pants with laughter
--for vanilla ice cream with sliced fresh strawberries...so simple/so yummy
--for the gift of new glass pipes...thank you, will be put to good use i promise
--for feeling vulnerable and safe
--for baby pics and reminiscing
--for seeing the growth of a woman poet, i know will be a name of record, and one i call friend
--for seeing you slam again...you were toooo dang cute
--for apologies after heated arguments...growth
--for Paper Bear
--for knowing, or at least trying to know, when to let go and when to hold on
--for seeing and reading how you are stripping away the layers...i got you sis
--for hands in my hair
--for the power in the simplicity of a kind word
--for understanding of self...just a lil bit odd
--for lakeside kungfu movies in the making
--for simply complicated moments
--for the reason i love the color mauve
--for forgiving officers
--for opening up just a bit more to the possibilities of "I"

41 Reasons...and Facts about Shelle

1. i still search for God in all its forms, for there is not just one way nor one true/right religion...i try to wrap myself in He/She daily
2. my beautiful children, has been a learning experience...can't believe they are almost adults now...i think i did okay.
3. my male best friend who has been by my side pretty much my entire adult life. my rock, my foundation...what does life have in store for us now?
4. the relationship with my girl most don't get...you know what?...we don't care, 'cause we understand one another...even have our own language lol
5. i know how far i have come, despite what i have been through...if you truly knew my story...
6. loving this skin i am in finally, because i never use to
7. nobody has to tell me i am a good person or that i am one helluva woman...i know
8. i have loved, in one way or another, some amazing people...each one teaching me a lil bit more about me...no room for regrets
9. i am a pretty creative person when i just let go
10. poetry..so much to say to you, for you turned my life upside down and recreated me
11. found my voice May 2004...and i ain't shutup yet
12. i am starting to see my mother for the woman she needs me to see, a lil' more each day...i'm at least trying
13. it hurts like hell peeling away the layers, but necessary to find the authenticity of I
14. i still get severe stage fright everytime i hit the mic, breathing and prayer works wonders
15. i am quite aware of the power of this voice of mine, just hope folks truly hear me
16. this heart of mine is worn out, from giving it away so much...but hey, i keep pretty ribbons, thread, stickers, bandages, glitter, and glue to keep it together
17. i see things in other realms...really i do
18. i am odd and quirky, but i love that fact about myself
19. i am an Aries strong...and i do use my horns
20. i have a split personality, i joke about it, but its true
21. i am stronger than i give my self credit for
22. i still struggle with the negative talk, which has caused me to miss out on many opportunities
23. my insatiable sexual appetite (as sc once called it) gets me in trouble sometimes...ah but makes for great memories lol...don't judge...sexuality can be freeing...just keep it safe
24. my cooking skills will keep you satisfied...love the comfort foods
25. i got so much to do and still so much to own up to...pray for me
26. my grandmother was/still is one of the most important influences in/on my life...she was a trailblazer
27. i carry a lot of guilt i wasn't around as much in her last years
28. i enjoy making others feel good...whatever and however that may be...brings me satisfaction
29. i have a fetish for cherry cobbler and chocolate...no not together lol
30. my family is very important to me, somewhat quite traditional in that matter
31. i really love being me
32. all i want is "that kinda love"...such a hopeless romantic i am
33. you & i have been to hell and back, so this view from here is quite nice lately...you my dear have taught me so much about myself in a weird kinda way, may not talk on the phone much or hang out...but i know you got me, and i got you...even in our separate lanes lol
34. i am not living up to my potential...very aware of this
35. i hold onto people much longer than what their season is suppose to be
36. there is a specific reason(s) i am here, and i think it has to do with healing in someway through words...praying to find it soon
37. the older i get, the less time i have for bs and the people who speak it...next!
38. i have to be very careful about who i let in my space, believe the fact they can leave their essence on you, whether neg or pos. and not everyone has the best intentions
39. i have got to stop trying to heal the men in my life...especially if they don't want it or too afraid to want it...but i'm still here for them...just got to figure out how to separate the two
40. meditation and prayer are necessary
41. damn...i...am...41...years...old....now what?

Eternally...

--for the Universe & the Creator, allowing me to exist within this realm
--for whispers and thumps on the head
--for great friends
--for music for the ears...real stuff
--for hearing Maya Azucena live...Goddess incarnate
--for talking briefly to Brother Ali...such a humble man
--for fun neo nights
--for phone calls from across the waters...they still are okay..and will be home soon
--for the young men of Thurman House
--for my girl, as of today, is ranked 11th @ WOWPS
--for hanging out with my male best friend...my rock
--for mischievous eyes and smiles
--for you getting in the slam away from home...no matter the outcome, proud of ya
--for freeness...thanks angie and hustle
--for the goodness of life in every breath...even through storms, breathe it in

Lion

i never thought you would show
nevermind stay
but you do
even when i don't
forgive me...please
for they know not what they do
these personalities split
the child,
needing mother
to keep the nightlight on
close creaking closet doors
check under beds for the boogie man i have become
the man,
needing a solid path
often walking all over you
showing the way to greener pastures
though i bring so much shit
the genius,
who struggles with normalcy
and can't quite figure out why 1+1 should only remain 2
the hustler,
needing his ride to die chick
to watch his back
when he doesn't even have his own
yet, you stay
being all these things and more
all awhile i walk through many doors
leaving you on the otherside standing in my rain
knocking gently
who gave you all those keys allowing these skeletons to stir?
i am not ready for reprieve
why are you so comfortable on this stage,
with no spotlight
except for the one i need beamed on me?
let me hide within the wings of you
you...
don't allow me to continue
rewrite these lines splitting my tongue,
injuring you
while the love notes i once wrote
get lodged between baby teeth
they can't stand the sweetness
decaying the truth i cannot speak
but don't stop searching for me within those reflective eyes
those eyes
its hard looking there sometimes
within the truth that freckles your irises
it must be what you hold onto
what you keep screaming at me with your precious puzzling prescence
though i only allow me to listen to your heartbroken smile
i want my kisses to prop up those sweet corners
run free through your forgiving lips to speak the truth of me
make me believe in me
i understand if can't take anymore
for i hang heavy on your wing torned shoulders
shake me off and back into your arms
i pray often in the name of ganja
you will not forsake me....

in progress

Grateful....

--for the mornings and late evening private time i have with the universe...keeps me grounded and continuously grateful
--for the woman i am becoming
--for the women in my life and their own growth, no matter how small they may think it is..it is still growth
--for knowing when to be the peacemaker, and when to stay in my damn lane
--for admiring you from afar...more than i will ever admit or flirt with you about
--for the 3rd round being all women...and bringing new life to old shiznitt
--for laughing at the game of slam poetry...it does NOT DEFINE ME, or who i am as a poet
--for loving the open mics, and all that it brings...craziness included
--for old faces returning
--for the fluidity of my pen lately...and OMG of my fellow poetic family...makes me smile
--for from across the seas phone calls to let me know you are okay still
--for phone calls to just to say hey...you know that space is always there for you..its just best now the way it is
--for the path that is leading me into unknown territory
--for the beauty of the 3 i call my babies...blessed to be their mommy...but i really need for them to stop growing up lol

Move...

...your address, your body, your bookshelf. shake out anything in your life that's rusty, stiff, or stuck and get it into motion. take a walk, take a hike, take a step away from stagnating jobs, relationships, and life patterns. change perspective. move closer to people who meet you with authenticity and who nourish your wildest dreams. move away from everybody else. you don't have to move mountains; shifting a single pebble can work wonders. make your move--any move--now. if you wait until you have more money, more security, more grace, more anything, you'll never move anywhere at all.
--from Rachel Snyder's 365 Words of Well-Being for Women

i am dancing in the rain, as well as, the sunshine...i am moving!!

Mentor...

...take another woman under your wing and help her learn to fly.share what you know--and how you learned it. show her whom to watch out for--and precisely why. lead her through an initiation, and guide her through the pitfalls you've already survived. tell her what she'll never read in the manual. maybe she's younger than you, maybe she's not. maybe she reminds you of you, maybe she doesn't. maybe she's your daughter. mentor her through high school, through college, through her Ph.D. mentor her into business, into government, into the theater. stay close enough to hold her gently by the arm if she needs it--and far enough away to giver her room to fall if she must. tell her you believe in her and you want to see her soar. watch her eyes become big and wide--and wonder why they call it mentor, anyway.
--from Rachel Snyder's 365 Words of Well-Being for Women

i am aware of my role amongst the young women i surround myself with...i see so much of them in me, and i have learned so much from them. i do believe as an older woman (good lawd), it is part of the authenticity of coming into one self, to be a mentor for the ones coming up.
i wish i had someone to show me the way...i pray i do well and teach well, though many times i am in no position to do so...but i must
peace & blessings

by the way...spend more time holding one another up, instead of tearing each other down please.

Mend...

...when things are frayed and torn, mend them. mend yourself when you've come apart at the seams. put your pieces back together with a steady, patient stitch. sit down in a comfy chair with that basket of clothes and mend them. bring out your threads and needles and buttons. listen to Lena Horne while you mend. put the pieces back together. mend a relationship that stretched until it couldn't stretch anymore. mend your broken heart. piece together all the beautiful squares and circles and diamonds that you are. find how your mothering self and your child self, your business self and your artistic self can all fit together in a colorful, integrated whole. like a patchwork quilt. mend that ancient rift in your family. make amends. mend that hole where you let parts of yourself be sucked away time and time again. amend your agreements with people as you change and as they change. before you reach an end, take time to mend.
---from 365 Words of Well-Being for Women by Rachel Snyder


i think it is quite important, we do this with ourselves on a regular basis. we, others, and the world often tear at us for whatever reason...most days leaving us in pieces, barely breathing, barely living.
now what?
you keep breathing, eventually you will catch your breath
you keep stitching, maybe stronger threads this time
you keep loving...yourself.

what lines, from your partner's piece, spoke to you the most?
Powder's lines"...we bravely injected chaos into our normally ordered lives
and with it
the prospect of all that is random
including love..."

pieces
puzzled
trying to fit securely next to the one missing
or is it lost?
forgotten?
swept in dusty corners
collecting cobwebs
waiting to spin a new story to capture
entwined with sticky heartstring wrappings
save this juicy morsel for another empty day
when hunger pains echo in the chambers
reverberating the walls
knowing you have just eaten
yet remain unsatisfied
peirce the succulence
allow the fangs to bite down slowly
into each level of injected chaos
urgency to burn
and release itself in twisted veins of no return
to find its way back home
wipe your mud ladden boots on the course matt
lying outside this creaking door of pandora's box
wipe again
since all that gritty dirt likes to cling to the undertones
feel it though
misshape the order
make it unrecognizable
so not to see it creeping up on you
like the paper lions roaring from these pens.....

piece took a turn, not quite sure if fits properly..pieces, puzzled lol

Satisfaction

grab a scrabble letter out of a bag. think of word that starts with that letter, and commit to it. write 25 lines with that word starting the sentence, you have 10 minutes. don't use the obvious use of the word. then pick 4 that speak to you the most, and use those 4 sentences in a piece. (20 minutes)

my letter: s
first word thought of: satisfaction

satisfaction moans lies across her lips as gentle as a midnight breeze
promising this time--difference--
newly repaired wings offer newly constructed paths
both still wet and fresh with anticipation
satisfaction tastes each morsel of thee
slowly
running its tongue
cautiously
along the jagged edges of contentment
daring nervous giggles to laugh authentically
with head thrown back into past
arms stretched wide around now
for if one satisfies the child inside the woman
she will always remain faithful to the lion
which dwells in the cavernous jungle
needing freedom from caged birds with no 1/2 beat tunes
sing girl
sing
yeah
satisfaction drips from atomic pens piercing holes through concrete writer's block
as night falls
and pillows call
ignoring the obvious
as amber-colored satisfaction crept over God's eyelids
no blinking this time

loaded roulette

he remains a loaded roulette
dancing with suicidal play
knows his role well with others
yet searches for forgotten lines
with her
her
zion woman in waiting
praying she does not lose her own salvation
trying to save apathy
welcomes the holywar
allowing his scriptures thrusted upon her
beckoning lips cry to be fed
while hands loop around full back arched
cavernous navels seeking echoes to capture
he keeps his secrets there
wrapped around cords rhythmically pulsating satisfaction
finds the point of entry with rim licking tongue
greedily drinking fertile nectar
life is here in this womb
not the kind one may think
but his seeds mingle with the God within
his place of rest since she first begat him in thought
he needs this heaven
yet gambles lustfully with familiar strangers
who desire not to hold his heart kindly
its better that way....
praying he will never throw snake eyes
or worse remain alone
at least in those few lingering chaotic moments
defending his honor
between sheets of divinity
he can burst through self-inflicted walls
slide his fingers in between cracking foundations
to bury the bloated feeling of death
his brittle wounds are invisible to the naked eye
but she sees him well
stuttering his eyelids like drifting butterflies
with no petals to rest upon
so she offers hers
jasmine infused vines
to wrap their healing sweetness around his cracking frame
binding his splitting atoms.....

working on this too...please feedback...does it flow well? make sense? blah blah blah

after the previous exercise was completed and read out loud, folks were paired up then had to read their piece again to one another...whatever line or word spoke to you, write it down...had 20ish minutes to write on those lines...and use in any way, shape, form, or emotion.
the words "bruised but strong. tattered but stronger. alive and healing," spoke to me from bfran's piece.

i carry the weight of me unevenly
heart shifting from degrees of seperation
from choice one day
legacy others
but most days i struggle with the duplicity of both
pulled in two different directions
minduful logic stares down at instinct
they too want to pull their share
insides twisted
memories pluck out my eyeballs
so not to be seen in dreamscapes
even in lullabies you can catch glimpses of me
playing hide-n-seek with open wrists
trying to release the poison of mother may i's
and dodgeball whoopings
grandmother's ealy morning redemption humming
often stitch these fautlines close
thick sav kisses greased and soften the pain
i often pierce the keloid risings
to hear the vibration of her voice trapped inside
the last time i heard her whisper
"i have no more blood to give, these walls are getting thin
and your depression is not foundation
rebuild
since you cannot put in a change of address card
criss-cross the sinuous you
to build stronger branches to hold yourself up
stand on your own shoulders
to see out of the peep hole of self discovery
nurture the seedlings which you thought forsaken
allow the offshoots to grow wildly without and within you
wrapping themselves around the weak spots
and filling in the gaps
its not about falling apart,
but what you do with the pieces you still have left.

Contemplative

one word written in the middle of a poster board, 4 words extend from main word, then more words built off each word added...there are infinite possibilities....then write a poem just looking at the words on the board...again the possibilities are infinite.
word in the middle was 'contemplative'

contemplative journey
carries great distance across broken bridges burning
but through fire
comes renewal and a rebirth
bruised ashes become the words pouring from the ends of fractured quills
revealing chalk outlines of a poet
hidden
built within patchworked scars of the hand that rocks the pen
seeing multiplicities of personalities
within turmoil of relfections from vivid white sheets of chaotic whispering paper
God stares back from reference points of truth
screaming from the margins
where the heart bleeds from lead poison
etching lines to feel the burn
to bare witness to silence
finally
being
heard

Happy Love Day...Hope You Feel It Every Day

For The Love of Just Simply Being Grateful....

--for my son, for my son, for my son
--for all the prayers and well wishes from family and friends..i am humbled
--for the Creator & She watching over us all
--for God being kind
--for speaking my mind to him, but out of love...its all about choices
--for wanting him to look forward, not backward...i know its scary, but it will be worth it in the long run
--for an amazing neo soul night...its been incredible lately...though i don't need a crowd to love my neo
--for truth on the mic
--for you just showing up out the blue, the kiss on the neck...tink missed you
--for loving this skin i am in
--for the lightness in my feet, but still grounded
--for not sweating the small stuff...such a waste of energy
--for my best friend who gets me like no other...i know others don't get us...but who cares...we do
--for him stepping out on faith, may have not gone like you wanted it to...but you DID IT!!
--for knowing sometimes life doesn't pan out the way we would like...these are the times we hold on tight to one another...sisterhood...and family
--for the incredible women i know, have known, and have yet to meet
--for this heart of mine...it is vast and deep, and so forgiving..it is me
--for new words flowing from many pens
--for family...all sorts and flavors...blood and non...prick me and i will bleed for you

Skeletons

see me
through thin skin of translucent truths
i am not perfect
so i stitch the corners of my mouth just a lil' tighter
to keep the skeletons at bay
for they
they want to dance
want to dance on my tongue
scrap their skin along the backs of my chipped teeth
on the way out of my lips
dribble down my chin
then across my neck
to remind me
at any moment
they can kill me
sit upon drooping shoulders momentarily
chipping away at the heaviness
pierce deep into forgiving bleeding heart
where tattered ribbons dangle
with names written backwards
so you will always see you where you belong
whether coming or going
nestle themselves within an empty womb
for even skeletons need dance partners
and bigger floors to dance upon
come screaming through my lips
oozing across inner thighs of just needing to be loved
pooling at my feet....

working on it

i will scream my prayers into the sky
until it pounds on heaven's door
until the devil himself weeps
for he too, cannot stand the pain

i will scream my prayers into the heavens
until they make Jesus' ears bleed
let His blood rain down
and cover my son

amen


...and they did, and they do
thank you family