Been A Minute...or two....but ALWAYS Grateful...

i hadn't realized just how long it had been since i posted anything...not good, yet everything has been good....i am blessed beyond measure.
--for each and every moment on this plane, this existence, at this time
--for the Creator being everything, and more
--for this beautiful positive life
--for this beautiful positive life WE are creating
--for loving folks no matter what, even if you cut me more than you got my back...now this one has been a hard lesson, but i really do still care for 'em...i mean if you were on fire i would spit on ya :)
--for neosoul always growing, always changing...always home
--for falling in love...over and over...with her
--for falling in love...more and more...with me
--for my children...i mean they are just wow and amazing
--for the growth spurt my son has has lately...standing at 5'10 now...and he is not done
--for taylor and all her creative strong beauty
--for jessica growing up just a lil' bit more...i am proud
--for transitions, though not always easy, for the better of us all
--for the talk of a lil' one......
--for reflections...acknowledgement...trust...lessons...growth...love
--for these creative hands...i am good at what i do...i can acknowledge and accept that
--for moving past hobby and passion, to more of a business state of mind...though always passionate
--for the way she makes me giggle on a daily
--for seeing, but not judging...for squashing gossip...and you should too...wanna know, ask the source
--for understanding our life together is the one for whispers and "did you knows"...shoot take notes...we got a precious thing going on here, one stories are written about...maybe you will learn something, on how to love yours or better yet...yourself.
--for marathon scrabble games
--for less walls and boundaries
--for everyday being valentine's day with her, yet must say this year was one of the best.
--for lil blue boxes and satin white ribbon...sigh
--for the way WE choose to live OUR life together, so find out what works for YOU...promise you will be happier.
--for our day fast approaching...wow we are doing this...i mean can it get anymore sweeter?
--for the answer being yes, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Another Day...

--for breath in my lungs, beat in my heart, Grace by my side
--for early morning prayers, and window side meditations
--for this home we are creating daily
--for falling in love with "us"
--for neosoul and the love and family that is still abound, no matter how old no matter how new...love is there
--for impromptu gatherings in the house that love and poetry built
--for growth and change
--for introspection...never easy, but necessary daily
--for my son still wanting to rest his head on momma's shoulder...i will never get tired of that feeling
--for sometimes being too much between us, but in an oh so good way
--for your beautiful soul and spirit, and our first housewarming gifts...so thoughtful
--for finally narrowing "our day" to march or april...whew
--for flowers just because of who i am as a woman...wow
--for it really being this damn good, though i know naysayers say it can't possibly be...lol well it is
--for strength in self
--for hanging out with one helluva woman on her bday, and us getting down on the dance floor
--for playing pool with such a sweet old man
--for hugs from my daddy...he missed me
--for this life i have been granted....all praises to the Most High within

Catch Up Time....

yes i know its been a minute...a long minute blog world, but i am back. I apologize for my focus being elsewhere, not that i am apologizing for what my focus has been on, but the fact i have neglected this blog. Sooo, when i start getting protests for not updating...i know its time to get on it lol...love you lisa.
bare with me for a sec, as i will try to catch everyone, and myself, up on what has been going on in shelle's world...i am going to cheat a bit and make them separate posts, please see below for backtracking.
Life is beautiful...seriously...i just cannot stop smiling...and it shows.

A Lil' Early, But Never Late...Always On Time...

--for God in all forms and understanding
--for deep thoughtful conversations with my brother
--for sibling love
--for safe returns
--for you now being just up the street, round the corner from mamma and 'em
--for new beginnings and vast paths of possibilities
--for he, who just can't help but to like her, even when it may be painful
--for one of the baddest azz roles of God i have ever seen...you are amazing, hope you KNOW that
--for not knowing what tomorrow brings, but enjoying the good mornings everyday
--for prayer and understanding
--for memories made in such lil' time
--for you showing me to me a lil more each day
--for exhales
--for working on the "ups" more hopefully...wink
--for honesty and communication....both can make or break any relationship, depending on how you use it
--for our own language, our own way of doing things, in our time...lol i know not all may understand...but its ok...believe me...its ok...we got this
--for my beautiful babies, though growing up so fast, they still let me hold them and kiss em, and love all over them
--for the ink that writes me
--for the woman who loves me.

Love Is Necessary...

--for the Most High, and the ones that are sent low amongst us
--for love in all its forms
--for this love we have...so powerful
--for my Zeus always protecting me
--for the stone with the words "safe" written on it that you gave me...yes i am...yes you are
--for tay hanging with the big girls...dang my children are amazing
--for trackers that reveal the bitter truth
--for the madness finally being over...hopefully
--for new beginnings...again
--for one incredible holiday weekend with my extended family
--for what she sees in me...and i let her
--for seeing the new smile on your face my friend...crazy times, but good times
--for the future
--for making sure the ones i care about know it
--for hard talks with him again...damn i will always love him, just want him to be as happy as i am...i know its hard for us all
--for finally getting it right
--for spur of the moment surprises pulled off perfectly...hahaha
--for her extra touch with the pasta
--for new folks in my life i can now call my friends, because they are hers too
--for one special lady working on my business website...need all the gentle pushes i can get...so excited
--for having to speak my mind..sometimes it just has to be said without filters
--for out of the blue phone calls, wanting to hear my voice...thank u sir
--for one more treetop hideaway rendevous...i will miss you
--for the older lady on the bus, who didn't want me to get off so soon...how sweet
--for memories...lot of emotions there
--for her family becoming my family, and hanging out with them poolside
--for the memories my babies are having this summer...glad they are enjoying it..so many more to come...did i say already how great my kids are...oh, well they are
--for the simple things in life, that make it so sweet

Once Again...

--for the way the Universe wraps me with its blessings daily
--for my handsome son's 15th birthday...lil' sad about it, but i can't stop the growth...lol...size 13 shoe, towers over me...no stop the madness please!!
--for family dinners, with the old and the new
--for treetop love
--for restraint
--for the NYLO hotel...non like it...whole new experience for both of us in different ways
--for baseball game all inclusive fun
--for beach trips with and for "us"
--for the way we party...lawd you think there were more of us, a tiger, and a baby in the closet lol
--for everything new
--for the moment i felt it go to another level
--for the way she looks INTO me, and loves it ALL, even the not so pretty
--for bed talks with my kids...very important to keep communication open
--for friends who support whatever i do, even if it may be a bit tough
--for prayer
--for unlimited texts...didn't know what i was missing lol, but still oh so nice to hear the voice
--for the tough times and the growing times, very close meshed
--for pops and his new nationwide commercial
--for our own rules
--for living MY life
--for one deleted check mark to stop your stupidity..still an open invitation though
--for NeoSoul tonight...can't wait to see what they have done...so excited, plus i have missed the mic and the poets...missing home

Its A New Day...

--for God in all his/her forms
--for this love of ours
--for chucks, pretty girls, good laughs, good drinks, and naturals
--for looks that could kill lol
--for needed time away, but still missing it all...its just different kind of missing now
--for the enormity of a wingfield's burger...and baby, i don't want to do this again lol
--for the intellectual and the strategist
--for the haters...hey i need 22 more before the year's end...any takers?
--for my kids and all their awesomeness...they are hella cool indeed
--for my baby boy's 15th bday coming up next week
--for upcoming beach trips...and new beginnings
--for safe havens to run to
--for our first grocery shopping trip...lol
--for treetop heaven
--for realities we never expected...yes will be this way always...and we know it
--for nudging the fledgling out the nest a bit more each day lol
--for the humor in everyday life
--for walking down hallways no one was allowed to, but she tore down the police tape
--for Zeus' fists of justice
--for knowing the greatness of MJ
--for the lil' things that make a BIG difference

For Everything....

--for the Creator and She...and the sweet Grace surrounding us all
--for love in all its forms
--for making one of the toughest decisions i have ever had to make
--for my babies i left behind...i love you two so very much...shining stars already
--for support from those who truly are friends, and they make it known
--for you showing your true colors, not what i expected, but it is what it is
--for NEVER again...i love you sis
--for knowing that no matter how confident or strong i get, it will never be mistaken for arrogance nor will i walk on the backs of those who help me get there
--for growing into one helluva HEALTHY woman
--for knowing when to walk away, and when to come back
--for one great man who loves me, understands me, loves her too, and knows that i am happy
--for painful realizations through retrospection...but i am ok, not staying down in the muck...rising above...growing even more
--for my Zeus, my protector...gently reminding me of how people should/shouldn't treat me
--for Vegas baby!!!!!
--for situations that are not easy, but we will all work it out for the better
--for my great kids....long talks, and my "how did ya'll get so dang smart"
--for being in her space...she loves my cooking lol
--for the beauty and serenity of the Botanical Gardens
--for sweet grandmothers in Whataburger drive thru's
--for scars healing quite nicely with her gentle kisses

This Is For You...and You...and You...oh yeah and YOU

--yes she is my girlfriend
--yes i am quite aware she is a woman
--yes a HELLUVA one at that
--yes i know there will be issues
--no i will not run at the first sign of trouble
--no this is not a summer romance
--no I AM NOT playing
--yes I AM serious
--yes WE are quite serious
--no i am not the same woman YOU THINK i am
--yes you make me laugh lurking
--yes she is smitten
--yes i am just as smitten, if not more
--no i did not steal her from her
--yes she stole MY heart
--yes HE knows
--yes we have HIS blessing
--no its not easy for any of us
--no God will not condemn us...i mean He brought this together right?
--yes my kids adore her
--yes she adores my kids
--no i am NOT the seductress i have been sadly labeled
--no everything you thought i did when with her, you are incorrect
--yes i have always cared about her
--yes she knows i am a packaged deal
--no i will not leave them behind this time
--yes...again, its just THAT serious
--yes if you would like an invitation...send me your address lol
--yes i am in love
--no i have never felt this...like this...in this way
--yes SHE IS enough
--yes i will take great and BETTER care of her
--no its not going too fast
--yes you should be happy for me, her, for us
--no i don't need you...did i ever?
--yes get out of our stuff picking it apart and go get YOUR OWN happiness
--yes take care of YOUR OWN household pretty lady, seems your foot is in two doorways anyway
--no you cannot shake my happiness
--no i will not miss the phallic symbol...AT ALL
--yes i love the haters
--yes grow up
--yes should of put a ring on it....like she has...hmmmm

Muse...

...lose yourself in dreamy days. close your eyes and turn off the rooftop chatter and let your thoughts wander with the ease of a feather floating on a warm summer breeze. wonder as you wander. muse away the afternoon awash in fantasy. go in and out of this and that and nothing in particular. follow a bumblebee into the heart of a blossom and see where it takes you. imagine your own trip to Wonderland, your journey to the deepest center of Inner Earth, your flight on angel wings. climb onto the soft and silky back of a unicorn and be carried far away to that unknown place where rainbows live between the rains. call your uses to your side. let them hold your hands and whisper words in your ears and breathe into your being the sweet, holy breath of inspiration.
--from Rachel Snyder's 365 Words of Well-Being For Women

Move...

...your address, your body, your bookshelf. shake out anything in your life that's rusty, stiff, or stuck and get it into motion. take a walk, take a hike, take a step away from stagnating jobs, relationships, and life patterns. change perspective. move closer to people who meet you with authenticity and who nourish your wildest dreams. move away from everybody else. you don't have to move mountains; shifting a single pebble can work wonders. make your move--any move--now. if you wait until you have more money, more security, more grace, more anything, you'll never move anywhere at all.
--from Rachel Snyder's 365 Words of Well-Being for Women

i am dancing in the rain, as well as, the sunshine...i am moving!!

Mentor...

...take another woman under your wing and help her learn to fly.share what you know--and how you learned it. show her whom to watch out for--and precisely why. lead her through an initiation, and guide her through the pitfalls you've already survived. tell her what she'll never read in the manual. maybe she's younger than you, maybe she's not. maybe she reminds you of you, maybe she doesn't. maybe she's your daughter. mentor her through high school, through college, through her Ph.D. mentor her into business, into government, into the theater. stay close enough to hold her gently by the arm if she needs it--and far enough away to giver her room to fall if she must. tell her you believe in her and you want to see her soar. watch her eyes become big and wide--and wonder why they call it mentor, anyway.
--from Rachel Snyder's 365 Words of Well-Being for Women

i am aware of my role amongst the young women i surround myself with...i see so much of them in me, and i have learned so much from them. i do believe as an older woman (good lawd), it is part of the authenticity of coming into one self, to be a mentor for the ones coming up.
i wish i had someone to show me the way...i pray i do well and teach well, though many times i am in no position to do so...but i must
peace & blessings

by the way...spend more time holding one another up, instead of tearing each other down please.

Mend...

...when things are frayed and torn, mend them. mend yourself when you've come apart at the seams. put your pieces back together with a steady, patient stitch. sit down in a comfy chair with that basket of clothes and mend them. bring out your threads and needles and buttons. listen to Lena Horne while you mend. put the pieces back together. mend a relationship that stretched until it couldn't stretch anymore. mend your broken heart. piece together all the beautiful squares and circles and diamonds that you are. find how your mothering self and your child self, your business self and your artistic self can all fit together in a colorful, integrated whole. like a patchwork quilt. mend that ancient rift in your family. make amends. mend that hole where you let parts of yourself be sucked away time and time again. amend your agreements with people as you change and as they change. before you reach an end, take time to mend.
---from 365 Words of Well-Being for Women by Rachel Snyder


i think it is quite important, we do this with ourselves on a regular basis. we, others, and the world often tear at us for whatever reason...most days leaving us in pieces, barely breathing, barely living.
now what?
you keep breathing, eventually you will catch your breath
you keep stitching, maybe stronger threads this time
you keep loving...yourself.

Love...

love freely, love deeply, love purely. love yourself the way you've always wanted to be loved, and love others the same way. love well, love often. find it in your heart to love those who have never shown you love---for they need it most of all. give so much love that you're certain to get some back. open your heart to the woman who lives on the sidewalk with her two daughters. love her. have compassion for the man who fired you from the job you loved most of all. love him. love all the earth has to offer-her people, her birds, her stones, insects, trees, mice, and oceans. love something--anything!--with a passion. love something larger than yourself. call it Goddess, call it God, call it Nature, call it Divine, call it Source, call it Beauty. Call it Love.
--from Rachel Snyder's 365 Words of Well Being for Women

i must remember to love the most important i know...me...sigh

Look...

...look at yourself, how beautiful you are. look at the love that pours from your eyes, look at how your wisdom and experience are written all over your face. look at the beauty of other women. all of them. look at their lips, full and ripe, thin and dry. look at their skin, smooth and wrinkled, creamy and course, olive and terra-cotta and peach and ebony and freckled and scarred. look at how women move. see them stride, see them shuffle, see them with eyes on the ground and eyes on the sky. see them inch slowly like the turtle; see them fly like the eagle. look at the muscles in a woman's body; look at the serenity in a blind woman's face; look at the rugged hands of a laborer. look at every person you meet with compassion and love. look for the good in their hearts and you're sure to stumble on the good in your own.
--from Rachel Snyder's 365 Words of Well-Being for Women

these particular words capture how i feel about women in general...we all are beautiful and unique...and i wish we would actually SEE that in one another.
much love
continued peace
for all of you

Live...

...as long as you're alive, why not live? live life to the fullest. live it up. live in the moment. live as though you had only twenty-four hours to live. live the life you've always wanted. live for yourself--not for others, alive or dead. live on the edge a bit, it's the only place from which you can take a leap. live the life that is yours alone. live wherever you want, with whomever you want, however you want, but live! don't just get a life--create one. don't just step into someone else's life--design your own. don't confuse real life with what you see on tv or at the movies. live free or die. live so that when you're dead, people will remark less on what you did in life--and more on how you lived.
--from Rachel Synder's 365 Words of Well-Being for Women

really...nothing else needs to be said...live

Listen...

...sit in silence and see how much there is to hear. listen to people. when are they really saying? what are they not saying? listen to the very last notes of every song. listen to a sunset; listen to the sounds on your street well after midnight. listen to your intuition, to your own inner voice--the one you can hear only when the din of every day is diminished. hear the rustle of a leaf, the call of a bullfrog, the pop and crackle from your wood stove. savor the call of a gentle breeze, the flap of a bird's wings, the fanfare of a summer thunderstorm. listen with your toes, listen with your heart, and always, always listen to that which is never spoken.
--from Rachel Snyder's 365 Words Well-Being for Women

one will be surprised what they truly hear when they become still and just be quiet lol. i never understand why folks talk so much, almost like they are afraid of what they will hear if they become silent.
i try to practice this on a regular basis...it is important to my well-being...and right now i have been needing it more than ever...trying to find a foothold on this path...and eventually one foot in front of the other (lol)
so yeah, take the time to really listen...to everything and everyone around you.
you will be blessed and become a blessing to someone else...i promise.

Linger...

...stop rushing. just stop. sip the last drops of your tea instead of gulping them. finish your conversation before running to the next item on your calendar. pause and watch the woman who sings opera on the street, the woman who stir-fries the Chinese food, the young girl playing the violin as though she was born with it in her hand. look at the sky for just a bit longer before you get into your car. pick a leaf of mint or sage; before continuing on, rub it between your fingers and smell how delicious it smells. look into someone's eyes just a bit longer than you thought you could. linger over coffee, linger at the newsstand, linger over lunch. linger longer in bed, in the park, on the river. of course, linger longer at love.
--from 365 Words of Well-Being for Women by Rachel Snyder

its all about enjoying the moment, taking it all in...and thanking the Universe for allowing the experience...it really is just that simple.

Let....

let it be. just let it be and let go. let her have her way, then let go of it once and for all. let her have her way, then let a sleeping dog lie. let it be okay. let it be. let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with you. let up on the gas and let your mind wander. let yourself go. let your hair down; let it swing free and easy. let yourself have a break now and then will you? let yourself live again and love again. if someone has let you down, let it pass. let bygones be bygones. let the truth be known, now and forever. let the bells ring and the chimes chime.
--from 365 Words of Well-Being for Women by Rachel Snyder


and this has been part of the growth lately...just letting go...not letting folks walk over you or take advantage, but loving people where they are in their life at that time. not letting life get to me, especially the things i have no control over. to not hold grudges...to forgive others...more importantly to forgive myself.
just let it be and let go....peace

Leap....

close your eyes and step out over the edge. leave behind the baggage that will weigh you down. stretch farther than you beieved you could. gather your courage; you'll need it. let go of every one of those twenty-seven reasons why you can't do it. drop the concepts of failure, of success. just do it. know that you'll fly or you won't. the ground isn't that far away-and if you create a safety net before you go, someone will somehow break your fall. maybe falling is okay. you're not jumping off Mt. Kilimanjaro; you're simly testing your reach, bridging what seemed to be an impossible chasm. sell off your furniture and take a trip. cut up your credit cards. become houseless for a while. ask the children's father to take them for a month while you write or train or sing or sleep. ask again. move far away. leap.
--rachel snyder

right now...at this moment...this is where i am in my life...at the fork in the road...at the edge of the cliff...with toes gripping the edge and the wind calling my name.......