Yep I Would...

...afterwards i would brush my teeth though LOL

Random Rantings...hadn't done this in awhile...uh oh

ash...if i can see her, don't you think i see you two too...wow...really? find what ya looking for? you work just where you should be!!

why do folks peek, but don't leave a comment...i mean what's the point? doesn't bother me every once in awhile..but all the time, but nothing said..sorta creepy

why are folks so interested in my life, what i am doing?...who i am doing it with? maybe because i'm pretty real and honest with mine, i don't have anything to hide, and yeah i pretty much lay it out there lol...but really my life isn't much different...i am pretty happy with it...just a few glitches with the *!tches LOL...i crack myself up

why lie? over and over again..ok i am not perfect with this either, but come on...bold face is too much...if it smell like a duck, quack like a duck...ya'll know the rest

why does my son have so many good looking guy friends coming to the house to play video games...but i really think they are here for my daughters lol

why do the friends stay way past their own dinner time when we are cooking...lol...guess i can't complain too much...they like it

why are the damn hot bugs out even past midnight, yelling at one another about how damn hot it is!!

i think it rained today, but it dried up before it left the clouds...the devil even knocked on my door for some ice lol...don't know why he picked my house but yeah

poor Obama, do you see all the grey that has set in? and not even a year has gone by yet....did look good throwing out the first ball though in the All-Star game...was that a bullet-proof vest under that jacket?

wow...its 2009, and black children are still being turned away from swimming pools...i am not surprised really...are you?

7 people were in on killing a loving couple of 16 children...for a stinking safe...my God, what kind of world is this? what do the babies do now?

why did my dad walk out his room with a box of cereal? ate two bowls...loudly i might add...then put the box back in his room...is my dad hoarding cereal in his room? seriously?

ohh i forgot how much fun these were...until next time...peace out

Soooooo......PSA

Dear Anonymous,
i wasn't quite sure how to address this at all...should i even bother with it? should i even publish the comment made by you in the first place? at first i was, but nah i will not give you the satisfaction.

the word "anonymous" has a simple definition...but i am adding another: COWARD

please look that one up on your own, since you seem to have PLENTY of time on your hands anyway.

i want you "anonymous" to know this...be very careful my dear, your incognito is short-lived and pseudo...but ohhh baby_______________________(fill in the blank)!!

yes, i may be an old *____* as you stated...but this old *____* is one damn sexy beautiful woman, inside and out, better than you will ever HOPE to look or be...what did your reflection say to YOU this morning? i mean besides idiot and bitter?

by the way, don't let my constant smile fool ya for being all sweet and weak...whatever means you need to get in contact with me and "let's talk this over" i will get to ya real quick.

oh yeah...hey "anonymous" a.k.a. the COWARD, you CANNOT shake my tree, nor steal my JOY my dear.

thanks for the effort though

until we meet again...hallelujah...holla back

sincerely,
MichelleDesiree

This Is For You...and You...and You...oh yeah and YOU

--yes she is my girlfriend
--yes i am quite aware she is a woman
--yes a HELLUVA one at that
--yes i know there will be issues
--no i will not run at the first sign of trouble
--no this is not a summer romance
--no I AM NOT playing
--yes I AM serious
--yes WE are quite serious
--no i am not the same woman YOU THINK i am
--yes you make me laugh lurking
--yes she is smitten
--yes i am just as smitten, if not more
--no i did not steal her from her
--yes she stole MY heart
--yes HE knows
--yes we have HIS blessing
--no its not easy for any of us
--no God will not condemn us...i mean He brought this together right?
--yes my kids adore her
--yes she adores my kids
--no i am NOT the seductress i have been sadly labeled
--no everything you thought i did when with her, you are incorrect
--yes i have always cared about her
--yes she knows i am a packaged deal
--no i will not leave them behind this time
--yes...again, its just THAT serious
--yes if you would like an invitation...send me your address lol
--yes i am in love
--no i have never felt this...like this...in this way
--yes SHE IS enough
--yes i will take great and BETTER care of her
--no its not going too fast
--yes you should be happy for me, her, for us
--no i don't need you...did i ever?
--yes get out of our stuff picking it apart and go get YOUR OWN happiness
--yes take care of YOUR OWN household pretty lady, seems your foot is in two doorways anyway
--no you cannot shake my happiness
--no i will not miss the phallic symbol...AT ALL
--yes i love the haters
--yes grow up
--yes should of put a ring on it....like she has...hmmmm

Fierce!! B. Scott

just watch...you might receive a blessing...at least a hell yes for sure!!
watch the whole thing too please.

he teaches me well how to hate him, and loves me more for it
he teaches me well how to love him, and hates me more for it
--------------------------------------------
i can mindfuck you to satisfaction
with each flick of my tongue
using my metaphors as dreamy pillows
and my similes to keep you warm
--------------------------------------------
i gave you the name Morgan Michelle
because a piece of me died with you
before you could take one single breath

one hand a tight fist, the other 5 lil fingers spread open
as if holding on and letting go simultaneously
to the umbilical cord that binded us both no longer
--------------------------------------------
this is me...deal with it!
--------------------------------------------
my stomach bloats from all the bones i had to swallow
closets were overflowing
and the walls were beginning to talk back
---------------------------------------------
i see him
struggling
everyday
trying
to become the man
his father never was
trying
to become the man
his mother birthed him to be
but his instruction book disintegrated at the age of 15
the exact moment she took her last breath
he
running through the streets so fast
trying to go back to the moments before
before cancer no longer dined on her body
before the children said "where's mommy?"
his efforts proved futile
still
he has been searching for his best friend ever since
in every laugh
in every tear
in every memory burned into his cortex
like panoramic views
God can be cruel sometimes to a teenage boy.

41 Reasons...and Facts about Shelle

1. i still search for God in all its forms, for there is not just one way nor one true/right religion...i try to wrap myself in He/She daily
2. my beautiful children, has been a learning experience...can't believe they are almost adults now...i think i did okay.
3. my male best friend who has been by my side pretty much my entire adult life. my rock, my foundation...what does life have in store for us now?
4. the relationship with my girl most don't get...you know what?...we don't care, 'cause we understand one another...even have our own language lol
5. i know how far i have come, despite what i have been through...if you truly knew my story...
6. loving this skin i am in finally, because i never use to
7. nobody has to tell me i am a good person or that i am one helluva woman...i know
8. i have loved, in one way or another, some amazing people...each one teaching me a lil bit more about me...no room for regrets
9. i am a pretty creative person when i just let go
10. poetry..so much to say to you, for you turned my life upside down and recreated me
11. found my voice May 2004...and i ain't shutup yet
12. i am starting to see my mother for the woman she needs me to see, a lil' more each day...i'm at least trying
13. it hurts like hell peeling away the layers, but necessary to find the authenticity of I
14. i still get severe stage fright everytime i hit the mic, breathing and prayer works wonders
15. i am quite aware of the power of this voice of mine, just hope folks truly hear me
16. this heart of mine is worn out, from giving it away so much...but hey, i keep pretty ribbons, thread, stickers, bandages, glitter, and glue to keep it together
17. i see things in other realms...really i do
18. i am odd and quirky, but i love that fact about myself
19. i am an Aries strong...and i do use my horns
20. i have a split personality, i joke about it, but its true
21. i am stronger than i give my self credit for
22. i still struggle with the negative talk, which has caused me to miss out on many opportunities
23. my insatiable sexual appetite (as sc once called it) gets me in trouble sometimes...ah but makes for great memories lol...don't judge...sexuality can be freeing...just keep it safe
24. my cooking skills will keep you satisfied...love the comfort foods
25. i got so much to do and still so much to own up to...pray for me
26. my grandmother was/still is one of the most important influences in/on my life...she was a trailblazer
27. i carry a lot of guilt i wasn't around as much in her last years
28. i enjoy making others feel good...whatever and however that may be...brings me satisfaction
29. i have a fetish for cherry cobbler and chocolate...no not together lol
30. my family is very important to me, somewhat quite traditional in that matter
31. i really love being me
32. all i want is "that kinda love"...such a hopeless romantic i am
33. you & i have been to hell and back, so this view from here is quite nice lately...you my dear have taught me so much about myself in a weird kinda way, may not talk on the phone much or hang out...but i know you got me, and i got you...even in our separate lanes lol
34. i am not living up to my potential...very aware of this
35. i hold onto people much longer than what their season is suppose to be
36. there is a specific reason(s) i am here, and i think it has to do with healing in someway through words...praying to find it soon
37. the older i get, the less time i have for bs and the people who speak it...next!
38. i have to be very careful about who i let in my space, believe the fact they can leave their essence on you, whether neg or pos. and not everyone has the best intentions
39. i have got to stop trying to heal the men in my life...especially if they don't want it or too afraid to want it...but i'm still here for them...just got to figure out how to separate the two
40. meditation and prayer are necessary
41. damn...i...am...41...years...old....now what?

its 2:18 in the morning

some of my weirdness lol...i started these lil whatevers a few months ago...very random, but that time kept coming up...odd right? for me not so much. some in an elevated state...okay well all of em really but who cares...thought it was interesting how the mind works when you don't hinder it

its 2:18 in the morning
this comes from the far reaches of mind
places i don't even let myself in
skeletons dying to talk
so speak
if you can
i dare you

its 2:18 in the morning
i am the only one awake on this planet right now
holding conversations with self
even answering the questions asked
does that make me schizophrenic
or just keeping myself company?
she and i have a strange relationship

its 2:18 in the morning
poetry haunts me
sits on lines of notebook paper
among random thoughts
if not written down quickly
will soon be forgotten
scribbled right next to grocery lists
and doodles of nothing
fighting to be seen
to sit next to other choice words
ready to mean something
to be spoken
hang tightly from the tips of tongues
salivating to be heard

its 2:18 in the morning
i think i'm dead
for i no longer dream
of you

its 2:18 in the morning
my exhales can't breathe
can't find a pulse
yesterday dug too deep
cutting off the blood supply
scratching my head
trying to grab onto thoughts
delete
space
insert
rewrite
again...caught on a hangnail
run-ons speeding ahead
into the sunset

its 2:18 in the morning
out of over 700 channels
you would think i could find
something decent to watch on tv
catch my attention with something other than
naked bodies, informercials or chat lines
these layers require more than mindless stimulation

its 2:18 in the morning
my hunger surpasses all yearnings right now
in need of something for the soul
she is wearing thin
so many years here
may not be able to thicken skin
but can pad my insides for the fall

My .02cents Up On My Soapbox Next to the Bible Thumpers

okay, so i recently received an email from a friend about Oprah Winfrey promoting and teaching about the "New Age Christ" on her online study course. This email was forwarded to her, which of course was forwarded many times before that i am sure. I get a lot of the religious type emails from this person, some i read, others i delete..others i save...never know when some good Godly inspiration will come in handy.
My issue with the whole email was it was so outrageously incorrect! I knew immediately the book in question had not been read by either the person sending it to me or the original perpetraitor who started the crap. sorry it touched a nerve. i am so sick of this happening. accusations, condemnations, judgements made...folks jumping on the band wagon, not even knowing where the wagon is going or who is driving...all in the name of the Great One. Church folks, the ones that preach the most...are the most judgemental hypocritical people on the planet...how the hell is that suppose to save souls...that is not what God is! In no way am i saying the person who sent this to me falls under this category, no,i am referring to the original author of these type of emails. but it worries me when so many blindly follow without checking out the facts themselves.
my response to the email: Actually, if you have read this book (and i am sure you passed this on w/o even have looked at the book), you would know this mass email sent out is false and is teaching negative religious propaganda itself. Funny to me, how when a person says they have spoken to, or heard Jesus speaking to them...folks are quick to say they are crazy and should be denounced. Its always church folk who are the most negative and judgemental.
God gave us the many ways to find our path to him, which is truly w/in ourselves anyway. God resides in each of us, He is not some far away entity we are not allowed to touch. If a book provides ways to find our true authentic selves, to love ourselves, to love others...for love is the ultimate form of God anyway...what is wrong with that.
Once again, if you have not read the book...seen the movie...heard the person...or whatever...don't send stuff blindly...it breeds negativity and hate...which is not of God."

she actually admitted she hadn't read the book at all and just quickly glanced at the email forwarded to her.....
exactly my point....very dangerous...getting off my box now

'cause lately i am all over the place...

Stand in your own fragile skin and claim yourself...you are more resiliant than you care to believe.
-----------------
broken glass shards carve love notes in distorted reflections.
will she ever see herself the same again?
fingers tracing slowly,
the fault lines etched in her skin feel like home
-----------------------
tell me you give a damn
tell me i am your everything
that you are a better person having met me
that it matters i am here
tell me you give a damn
that we can start revolutions together
can create a love story to make even Valentino jealous
that we can make babies together
not literally...well if you want to...
lil creations and windstorms
growing into greatness
--------------------
there are no children here
their laughs and smiles broken
trampled in the grooves
of freedom's boot
innocence laid out
sacrificed unwillingly
------------------
locked yourself in a prison
with bars of cold duality metal confusion
borderline schizophrenia edging the cell
------------------
i don't care about your past
i need your future
---------------
release the past with grace
---------------------
raindrops fall
sounding like hollow tipped bullets
exploding against my head
as memories play like a silent movie
----------------
contained in the silver lining of your sweet tongue
-----------
i swallowed your pride
so you could save face
-----------------------
there will never be enough time....

My Own Insane Randomness

why is it when you think its really really good, it gets really really bad?

why has my procrastination bit me in the ass again and i was sitting at home last night while Lupe Fiasco was jamming on the mic....NO I DON"T WANT DETAILS PEOPLE...let me be in my own misery please

i know its winter, but i really need the sun to come out...i think i'm turning invisible...my mother is darker than me now people...come on!!

why is my father still living with us...Lord if its not too much to ask...bless him with a girlfriend he can move in with please...amen

why was Hilary standing up there at the debates facing Obama like she was the playground bully ready to throw down..face looking like "What! What!"...still undecided

why are women disappearing more and more these days in Mexico and South America...yet the only mention in the media is that of American white women?

why has my son outgrown his sister in the last 2 weeks, and i won't even mention his feet!!

why did my son have to tell his older sister what an orgasm was? um i had this talk already with them...good to know he was listening...guess we will have the talk again it seems

why was my application at sears tagged non rehirable...okay i know why...but come on shit its sears people....damn call center! and i was one of their top employees! not top enough i guess lol...got to laugh about it

why can't a damn good, well endowed penis come with an good man...they seem to always be attached to the bad boys lol..and i always find them....well sometimes they have lil ones...but hey makes it easier to walk away right...damn did i say that..uh huh

why is it when a bunch of women get together, laughing and having a good time...men think we are up to something, talking about them , all having sex with one another...oh and our laughter is deemed CACKLING?

why is it when you are close to me i want to pic you up and just give you the most passionate deepest kiss you have ever had...and wisk you away to some deserted island...but i am afraid of rejection

why do men want their cake and eat it too

damn i look good for months from 40...okay that was my ego talking

why is it when i want to change bad habits, all hell breaks loose and temptation is a mutha

ok...nuff for now

its funny how new things and new paths can divert your attention on what truly needs to be taken care of...
it was fun though...smile
this heart was and will always be in need of attention...i just need to make sure i am the one looking after it FIRST

i am taking back my power

love still is a beautiful thing
in all shapes
forms
and colors
no matter the round hole it was squeezed into
i am a fierce woman
remember that shelle

got 10 minutes left on the computer......

i tip toe thru spaces within
too small for even my shadow to dwell
playing hide-n-seek with reality
come get me
yeah you
don't worry about me
i will get over myself
cause the underneath hurts
but life gotta way of doing that ya know
so now what?
million dollar questions
hope to pay dividends
split stocks
split selves
not enough to go around
feed back into me
starving on what i give
no nourishment
flavor is different
in need of seasoning
just to swallow
taste funny
always does with something new
maybe the thud in the pit of my stomach is trying to tell me something...
pray i listen and take heed

odd place this is to be...

What's Been Going On....

well...
-internet is down @ home, so i'm at the library...reasons for no posts of late
-working on few new pieces..one in particular is maddening...timed at 4min 22 seconds...hell that won't work at all...hate slicing my baby dammit
-headed to antone's tonight to see Ms Faylita do the damn thang...she made it to the top 5 on famecast...like wow
-moving closer and closer to personal goals...let you know when i've arrived lol
-uhhh its December already, how did that happen
-my eating is out of control...must be making up for lack of sex...yeah i said it...acknowledging is half the battle right...i'm stupid
-slowly making my way back to legal as well hahaha, license reinstated YES!!
-still making beautiful different jewelry....cough cough that will make GREAT christmas gifts...holla!
-decorating for the holidays...uh again how did december get here so fast
-missing you
-detesting you
-loving me
-there ya go, continued blessings
peace out

Da Weekend's Randomness

-wow...you are 40 today! Baby, i know now is not how you want it to be, or ever expected, or at least wanted to admit to...i may not be your lady any longer, but know love is always present. our paths are changing, winding different directions, but i will never stray too far away to at least wave a friendly hello. 16 1/2 years, saying you & i have history is an understatement...so let it be written, for it will never be done.

-i still love the Red Hot Chili Peppers...and wonder if you do to, and remember the time we danced together in the mud at LaLapalooza like we had lost our damn mind? i tried looking for you recently, but some things are best left unfound.

-WTF is this SHYT on the radio lately, which station? pick one, it doesn't matter...its crap! but we grooving to it right!

-you thought i would come home with you...and couldn't understand why not...perhaps that was another lady you met...'cause she ain't here no mo...fo sho

-hate on me...'cause i am NOT going anywhere

-we are hellafied sitting across the table from one another...crazy esp, telepathy type shyt!! LOL we came to play dammit!

-YES it is a hate crime, but understand that hate crimes carry lesser sentences...not right, but it is what it is...they want to make sure these poor white trash mofos get the max, nothing less.

-It was your party girl, your rules...but damn you are off the chain!!

-slowly but surely the clothes kept in the back are coming back (big smile)

-you want want want, take take take, but don't give give give

-i don't care if i got it all together, po po still make me break out in a sweat when i see them. make my ass quiver!

-old school prince...OMG...i dare you to stay still

-you walked in
i held my breath
and watched
and waited
"is anyone sitting here?"
i exhaled "no"
and watched...
and waited...
sat gently
crossed legs
crossed hands
stylish
flower skirt
creamy skin
full hips
silver ring
long neck
want to kiss
lakeview eyes
pink lips
school girl
upswept locs
entangle me
small talk
sweet smile
shy
a writer
a poet
conversation over
too soon
kicking self
not "seen" sooner
another time fair lady

-why are animals valued more than our human counterparts....what about the children starving? the women disappearing in south america? the genocide? the war? the women dying at the hands of "loved ones"...the...the...the...you get the point i'm sure.

-why do i have a hundred things to do to prepare for the week, but sitting here blogging?

peace out ya'll....continued blessings

Ya think?

when i think of him...
the mere thought of him
causes my mouth to salivate
but the bitterness tattooed on my tongue
reminds me to spit...
he is a taste i can no longer afford

IT IS HERE....!!

I am trying to feel like this right now, but actually....


...i feel like this....


annnnnd i also feel like this....

maybe its the rain.....

but this is how i'm feeling today:
-apprehensive
-scared
-worried
-intrigued
-hopeful
-lonely
-confused
-just weirded the f*** out!

these emotions are not the result of one particular event, but a series of events of late.
nothing to send me in a downward spiral, just got me in a weird place right now.
i think the biggest one is making the slam team again.
yes good...i think.
i'm questioning if its what i want, and i wonder if the reason i sorta breezed thru the slam, not really giving it my all, not memorizing the new pieces...lord knows i had plenty of time, just not feeling it...perhaps secretly hoping i wasn't in the top 5.
i miss my other team members, though most will be close at hand...just not the same.
i am excited about the female dominance of the group, and what we can bring to the table, though.
not looking forward to the time away from my family again...
so right now, i'm questioning all of it...maybe tomorrow, maybe today, maybe in the next hour...my perspective will change...
i could walk away...but so many are saying baby, shelle, mommy...you can do this...
i will try
maybe its the rain...