hollow tipped yesterdays
pierce a heart
yearning to be possessed
shattering dreams
like ran through cobwebs
filtered sunlight dances on air
and bits of you
free float in my peripheral
i blink slowly
to clear my vision

Like Wow...

Umm yeah, this is pretty cool stuff.
i can't wait to see the rest of the crew's posters
it will definitely be one of the hottest shows in town....for a whole week!!
11 1/2 days left and counting...whew...butterflies are an understatement

--for Creator & She
--for an amazing group of women, proud to call them teammates...and friends
--for hella fun saturday night, just hanging out...and you and i whipping ass in dominoes and spades..."im sorry"
--for laughter
--for the way my kids make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside...i am so blessed
--for finally a day off to spend together
--for the light in his eyes when he gets sooooo excited
--for 12 days left and counting...we are ready
--for sitting under dark skies and feeling cool nights...meditating lol
--for you wanting to know if i was coming through, and your laugh...wish i could of hung out, really i do
--for one great dinner party, poetry, wine, and uh our coach having just a lil too much...priceless
--for blessings seen and unseen
--for clean cool sheets
--for my lil gizmo 'theodore'...loves his mommy so much lol
--for growth in you, in us, in me
--for poetry
--for peace

So Much...

--for all the blessings Creator & She allow
--for what these eyes see
--for kami's accident not being as bad, but dang it was ewwwww
--for my kids...nuff said
--for an incredible night of slam poetry at big brotha b's...like wow
--for seeing college station rock the mic, they are hungry and it shows
--for the U21 team moving me to heaving tears...there are no words to explain how i feel about these kids, especially my boys...
--for them making and daring me to be better writers
--for late night talks as you sat at my feet
--for great cyphers
--for the spirit of poets...all of us are incredible group of people
--for the nerves starting to kick in, its so close to nationals
--for some hellified women on my team
--for your txts letting us know they came in FIRST today!!
--for starlit nights and cool breezes
--for all of my kids being with me, while laughing over burgers and fries at Fran's
--for being a mom

--for Creator & She, the awesomeness of life blesses me daily
--for knowing, you and i will forever be connected
--for a lil time away
--for taking the reigns where you left off, still need you but i understand
--for laughing and creating with my big brotha b
--for him finally getting a lil peace
--for ebony looking like the most beautiful bride, and the huge grin on david's face...their love for one another is amazing
--for knowing and believing there IS love like that
--for fun road trips...again
--for lunch with Amy and her lovely princess aiyanna, hadn't been able to for almost 3 weeks...definitely a treat
--for playing the car game (wood wagon, convertibles, yellow bellies, slug bug)
--for the possibilites of "us"
--for feeling like a school girl
--for the way your eyes look at me, its not the eyes..its the thoughts behind them
--for challenging my mind
--for inside jokes
--for you looking for me...too funny
--for old friends
--for family...blood and non blood...love you much

i inhale you deeply
until i can no longer breathe
for i am afraid if i exhale
i will lose too much of you

--for what my lens captures (pix above)
--for Creator & She
--for beautiful love
--for hanging with my teammates strong in the corner full of laughter
--for showing off and showing out...they weren't ready
--for the battle between last year and this year...sorry B, you didn't have a chance
--for life, the bitter and the sweet...enjoy it all
--for star filled nights, and feeling like the only one seeing them for the first time
--for playing in the rain
--for my quirky self, i love the way i am...no matter what
--for his poetry and his whispers in my ears
--for memories...and smiles...and tears
--for you babygirl, trying...half the battle
--for my new babyboy...thank you jai and brandy
--for my children...how did i get so lucky...so blessed
--for eventhough we haven't hung out in awhile, i know you are there
--for seeing my daddy rollerskating after at least 30yrs, the smiles it brought to both our faces
--for my babyboy turning 13...officially a teenager
--for boys...and wanting to save them all
--for poetry and its life lines to all of us, connecting you to me to us to we!

The weekend....

Never bend your head.
Hold it high.
Look the world in the eye.

-Helen Keller

to you, thank you for reminding me to remain FEARLESS, and to always hold my head up.

Had a blast saturday night @ NPS fundraiser. We, the team, did quite well. audience reactions to some of the group pieces was a bit more than what we expected i think. gave us some flight in our step.
watching Funky Mike wipe up the floor with poor Brian...priceless. i don't think the crowd understood why our lil corner was bent over crying with laughter. man, when mike looked over at us, then pulled b's book out of his back pocket OMG!! Poor poor POOR Brian...never had a chance lol.
That lil' cute funky was sneaky and manipulative...ahhh just the way i like 'em HA!
It was nice to see the U21 slam team...no wait...it was nice to see RUBY handle her own, she shined like the young Queen she is...seems the boys need some trimming of those big heads of theirs...yeah i said it!
Hanging out with the crew again, well that was best of all...realize just how much i missed it...all in due time ma, all in due time.
on another note, my babyboy is officially a teenager, as of sunday...i'm a lil sad and happy for him all at once. i really need some time to just take all this growing up in lol. its toooooooo much! oh how i long for another baby these days...well, maybe i will get a puppy instead!
Lord please let me get it right with these two, let me guide there steps well, let me continue to make them strong and beautiful inside. let them fly higher than i ever will, but remain sweetly grounded.
amen
have a great week people
stay blessed
stand fearless in love

Beautiful Wednesdays...

--for Creator & She and all that their grace and love sustain
--for new eyes
--for all those beautiful faces above
--for being able to handle it all...always wanted a big family...lol
--for being able to calm his fighting spirit...he is realizing there is nothing to prove here, no reason to fight...i pray some of it goes deeper into his spirit, and takes it home with him
--for always feeling closer to the ones others ignore or no longer believe in
--for his and his eyes when i talk to them and really listen...if we all could just take the time
--for prayer
--for a house full of laughter
--for my babygirl's eyes
--for one helluva slam team once again! Ya'll AIN'T ready!!
--for getting over hurdles and being from the finish line (inside team joke)
--for being still
--for the quietness of 4am, soft drizzles, and inspiration

today i dared myself to sit on my patio as the storm brewed, and the rain fell. i am usually a chicken when it comes to lightening and thunder, but as i let myself relax and simply enjoy the art around me...it was quite electric and meditative.
something spiritual about reading Writing Down The Bones in a thunderstorm.

There Is Always A Reason...

--for the Creator & Gaia..always sustaining, always blessing
--for these beautiful 9 reasons above
--for my laid back personality, must have with these days lol
--for seeing things new through their eyes
--for joy
--for missing you terribly, but everything for a reason
--for not understanding why, but understanding it was a passionate season for us all
--for new possibilities
--for great photo shoots
--for her saying i have a peaceful spirit, often we do not see/feel what others see
--for love
--for family
--for seeing you...you are an amazing strong woman babygirl, and i will keep saying it until you get it...

I Will Miss You...

Thank God...Always

--for God & She
--for family
--for the way his arms hold me when i come home...the safest place to be
--for love
--for doing the right thing
--for believing
--for time away
--for friendly faces
--for meeting new sistahs and hanging out having a good time
--for the laughter of women
--for hanging on when i want to let go
--for inner strength
--for jono...and his mom
--for music that fits the mood

PaaaaLease!!!

couldn't help laughing when i saw this adorable pix...if feel ya girl lol!

Wednesday Again, But I Feel It Everyday...

--for Grace, and the power He & She bring to my life
--for seeing my continued growth, despite setbacks
--for the beauty of women, despite the pain
--for the team's first road trip...we are bonding...we are stronger
--for poppa B being proud of his babies lol
--for Fey taking first place and Liz taking 3rd
--for seeing and hugging old familiar faces
--for beefy T
--for his love
--for praying for peace in my house...and receiving the blessings
--for being the calm one
--for her hopfully listening, being a teenager is so hard i know baby.
--for poetry...and the lifelines it wraps around me tight
--for being more free w/ who it is am...and i'm loving it
--for late evening moon watching
--for life...is good...is good
--for silly moments we can all laugh at
--for her seeing that this is her family, loving her despite herself, and the daggers she throws our way.
--for knowing its misdirected anger...but i'm mom, i can handle it

the common thread of women

i originally wrote this a year ago...again reposting...felt it was needed...

the storm is coming
but its okay
i will be your shelter
don't hide behind the clouds
instead break thru
claim back your sky
let the rain fall
i will hold the umbrella
and even if u get wet
let the layers melt away
let the pieces fall
upon fertile ground
pain being the seeds
from which u will grow
so strong
stretch your SELF high
within the winds of change
breezes of possibilities
keep stretching
until u think u can't anymore
then stretch again
past imaginary boundaries
a lil more
and claim back your sky

Mountain! Get Out Of My Way!

Its been awhile, but...i am in a really good place right now. yes there are still issues, but no crazy drama...and i think a lot of that has to do with putting certain people out of my life or at least at bay. my view was blurred by false promises, but hey its life and it happens...no regrets...just teaching moments, right.?!
let folks think what they will about me. i know the truth.
i am very comfortable in my skin, despite the extra fluffiness put on in the past year and a half. i am still beautiful. still crazy. still me. the # on the scale does not dictate how i live my life anymore. if i choose to lose anything, it will be my choice, not 'cause OMG i gotta fit in a size ___! OMG i've got to purge this out of me (hey been there done that...got the tshirt)OMG i can't eat that! OMG i hate myself...nah none of that anymore or any other negative self talk. yeah it still comes up, but best believe when the voices start...i punch them in the mouth and shut their asses up!!
my family is well, my kids are great, well 2 of them moreso than the 3rd. i pray for my Jessica often, and as much as i wish things were different...i can't live her life for her, just be there for her when it gets too tough.
my man is great, yes we still have issues...who doesn't, but i know at the end of the day no matter what, he's got my back, and i am his soft place to fall...though most days he is the one who has softened my stumbles.
no, i don't know what tomorrow holds...nor the next moment, yet the stronghold i have on me...well hey, this girl going to be just fine.
All things through the Creator and She

Uh Huh!! Soooo Grateful....

--for seeing the bigger picture...and liking what i see
--for all of that behind me which makes me stronger, and able to see the beauty inside
--for the Great One and She...all day and everyday
--for being on another hellified slam team, its coming together nicely
--for words, words, words
--for you letting me see more of you
--for 2 great coaches and their vision
--for women...nuff said
--for the laughs
--for thursdays with you and all the trouble we get into just being girls
--for inspiration
--for meeting him and his poetic words...a king indeed
--for playing it cool even when your HUGE ego kicks in
--for me saying no, and walking away smiling with no problem (i know the gem i have at home)...sorry desi
--for damn good bbq, with most of my family here
--for a child's laughter, especially when the laughter comes from my own
--for taylor officially becoming a half inch taller than me...dammit!
--for acknowledging the spirits surrounding me, both good and not so good...but respect them both nontheless...shoot i better!
--for life being so good with the weight lifted...i wish you the same love
--for memories...and smiling
--for teaching moments and no regrets
--for the ties that bind, and the ones we knot tighter to us
--for poetry and the lifeline it is for me
--for new eyes w/o the rose colored glasses
--for your words coming together and asking me for a lil bit of help
--for seeing the U21 do the damn thang....this auntie is proud
--for the way his arms wrap perfectly around me

she told me in pauses between the laughter, just loud enough not to be heard..."my scars carry the sweetest nectar..."
and i wept,
for her
for me

Wednesdays I'm Grateful For...

--for Grace and understanding
--for life
--for coming to grips with hard decisions
--for knowing it will all work itself out
--for believing
--for late night chats with sidewinder that keep me laughing
--for eventhough we don't talk everyday, i know you are there...and i for you
--for txt msgs asking "you up?"...and being up and being there
--for new coffee pots, though i should be drinking tea
--for representing again along w/my old teammie...and knowing 2 others are still close by as well
--for respecting your decision
--for seeing a lil bit of light in my perceived dark tunnel
--for big shoes to fill
--for how excited my big brotha b gets over words, and seeing it come together
--for seeing a lil bit of me in you
--for last dances and last days of school
--for you coming home just a lil while
--for poets
--for saving grace
--for memories...good ones, bad ones, teaching ones
--for love
--for family
--for my father's smile

the space between

don't let go...
hold me
even long after you have gone
leave residue stains in memories
scratched across the backside of my heart
empty corridors still echo of heavy footsteps
closets full of bones
too much to close
for you will not claim your share
i carry the burden of two

the space between forever and never
will consistently bare witness
the space between now and then
will consistently bare witness
the space between you and i
will consistently bare witness

no freedom in reflections
that hold me through glances
sticky sweet clinging to tips of lashes
freefalling in pupils
causing blurry vision

we carry memories
the way we carry burdens
heavy and choking

let go
don't hold me
even long after you are here...
leave the memories stained in residue
and....(blow)

let fingers dig deep within
under soft flesh
and sinuous veins
bend my spine to fit neatly in your existance
breathe life into my womb
so i can bring you forth
again
recreate us in a new light of understanding
of love
of honor
of truth
speak secrets into my hair carefully
wind each one inside curls
wrapped around fingertips
massage almond oil into the creases of my eyes
with your eager lips
so tears slide away quickly
and pool less often

they have no place here....

maybe its the rain.....

but this is how i'm feeling today:
-apprehensive
-scared
-worried
-intrigued
-hopeful
-lonely
-confused
-just weirded the f*** out!

these emotions are not the result of one particular event, but a series of events of late.
nothing to send me in a downward spiral, just got me in a weird place right now.
i think the biggest one is making the slam team again.
yes good...i think.
i'm questioning if its what i want, and i wonder if the reason i sorta breezed thru the slam, not really giving it my all, not memorizing the new pieces...lord knows i had plenty of time, just not feeling it...perhaps secretly hoping i wasn't in the top 5.
i miss my other team members, though most will be close at hand...just not the same.
i am excited about the female dominance of the group, and what we can bring to the table, though.
not looking forward to the time away from my family again...
so right now, i'm questioning all of it...maybe tomorrow, maybe today, maybe in the next hour...my perspective will change...
i could walk away...but so many are saying baby, shelle, mommy...you can do this...
i will try
maybe its the rain...

It is...

--for Creator and She who watches over me and mine constantly, and keeps me from things seen and unseen (there is a whole lot unseen)
--for allowing me to share in the moment of your commitment to one another.
--for surprise parties
--for her smile and laugh...yep you are right
--for one tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila...dang how many? and the comedy you brought to the table
--for extra income...always good, especially loving what i do
--for your beauty, and knowing you just want to be appreciated and desired babygirl
--for the new feature i found on my camera accidently...see pic above
--for crunch time to get me moving
--for early early mornings. i love 'em, just don't like waking up early...so i don't go to sleep til morning just to enjoy them lol
--for mom's
--for still having mine...for still having him too
--for you reaching out, needing to hear my voice...and glad i could help just a lil
--for tonight and finally picking the team...wow it will be interesting
--for knowing it will be a hot show
--for being okay with whatever the results
--for extra extra soft fluffy socks that kami gave me
--for my kids PASSING the TAAKS! Yessssssss
--for the possibility the TAAKS will be eleminated soon...shit let the teachers TEACH again PLEASE!!
--for love
--for being able to watch my kids grow up--so beautiful, so smart, so creative, so damn! these 3 are mine?

It was a fantastic day...

i hope everyone had a blessed and wonderful day.
i just wanted to share this unique gift i received today from Tarik..and how neat it is...had me tear up and cheezin' lol.
He actually went to a place that let's you crush your own grapes (not feet style), make your own blend of wine, and make the label.
the wine i heard is really good, but i don't think i will open this one.
Happy Mother's Day everyone and even to the dad's holding it down like they should.

Yes Yes Yes....

--for LIFE and all it's blessings and graces granted
--for sitting back and smiling and saying "is good, is good"
--for just being in the moment
--for creating with these hands...i think i like this new stuff ALOT
--for extra cash
--for my daddy's smile...he is so dang cute
--for my son cutting the grass the very first time...he's the man he says...uh and your point is...
--for fantastic NEO nights, maaaan yep this was one for the books
--for poetic tag like we use to...yeah that was a good one
--for finding out 4 gummy bears extra strong is waaaaay too much for me...damn sweet drinks...no more no ma'am
--for he and i just dancing up a storm, and loving each other the way we do
--for cold water quenching the thirst, 'cause most of the night you were losing fluids from all those damn SWEET AZZ DRINKS...yeah i praised the Porcelain Goddess
--for unexpected moments
--for it always being "it is what it is"
--for being laid back...makes life a lil easier...but i do have my moments
--for the sun in lil' bursts...i don't do TEXAS heat well
--for rain and its cleansing properties
--for our weekly bead shopping and yummy lunches
--for my babygirl's 8th grade dance...sigh...sigh
--for having continued long lists
--for you finding the courage in your pen...beautiful sis

He Loves Me

my jazz man,
loved me enough when i didn't love me
when i didn't love him
saved memories and morsels
w/in the grooves of melodies
to be played repeatedly
until i heard for the first time
again
let his butterfly float on the winds of change
until home's colors were painted just right
for the world's hues were becoming too heavy for wings to carry
hung blossoms around the door to beckon me home
encircled in love's cocoon
there he brought out his collection for me to hear
saved memories and morsels escaped from the grooves
floated up to my ears
and danced back into my heart
my jazz man
loved me enough
to hold on....

Wow time is flying....

So grateful...
--for He and She and all that they contain within me
--for life being just a lil sweeter these days
--for enjoying his love
--for enjoying us again
--for the skills to feed my family w/ great meals
--for eased tensions slightly
--for being okay with just the way it is, 'cause i don't really want more
--for new venues
--for an amazing hot night, hot crowd, hot poets, hot roof!
--for it not being worse than what it could of been
--for thunder storms and making love within it
--for having a camera at the right moment
--for Carol's Daughter and hair milk...makes my hair feel and smell so good
--for bead shopping and being girls w/ a great friend
--for being there at the conception of your hot new piece
--for REAL talk
--for road trips...near and far...and much needed
--for Taylor's fantastic turnaround in her grades...so proud of her
--for Kameron's stage debut...he was simply amazing and rocked the stage
--for phone calls to say you are okay when you know i worry about you baby.
--for long lists lol
--for being tired but not complaining
--for the way he loves me

Its YOUR DAY DAVID....wow 50th????

MyHotComments / HotFreeLayouts

Its Alllll Good, Huh!

--for the Creator and She...simply amazing in this life of mine
--for a great weekend of poetry
--for a special poetic house party
--for being witness to first time slam teams in the making
--for the guys helping me out during my piece...whew! too much to drink lol
--for much needed road trips
--for good laughs and sweet smiles
--for new beautiful people entering my world, and me becoming a part of theirs
--for you wanting to protect me, eventhough not necessary...but love ya for it anyway
--for long spidery son arms wrapped around me...he is amazing...and i still can't believe he is mine
--for phone calls to ease my worries...but i still worry
--for the beauty of just being in the presence of nature and all its glory...and being still
--for seeing the family picking flowers on the hillside...the colors of everything were so nice
--for cat's and thier independence, but sometimes they do wanna snuggle
--for new venue's
--for being just fine in my own skin...feels real good
--for bacon wrapped shrimp...YUM! and no i didn't make these...my baby did.
--for the way he treats me, and me allowing him to do so again
--for art...no matter what you interpret it to be
--for love
--for family
--for life, all its bitterness and its sweetness....lessons in every morsel
--for the poetry that binds
--for continued forgiveness...and grace

This is how i felt about this weekend.....

because...
-i got to see some fierce! young women writers/poets (love my boys too)take the stage saturday afternoon. one poet, Pravda, went against the grain...and i was so proud...it took a lot of guts. they all make me want to be better writers
-BFran had a MUCH NEEDED poetic house party saturday night...for so many reasons. the people, the words, the love, the laughs, the quiet moments, the love, the poetic-hood, the love, the family, the power, the tears, alllll of it! good food for the soul
-you returned just to experience your first house party, hope you enjoyed it and the shotguns too lol..and thanks for allowing him to return
-some of the fam had a road trip to killeen, not a long trip...but a much needed road trip...it was the fact we did so...next time there will be more. the memories of past and laughters were like WOW! yeah...real nice
-we witness the birth of yet another Tx slam team...and MAN! was it a Fight! There were some great words, and some HUH??? words lol, but each poet brought it indeed. Shake....amazing...he is becoming one of my favorite tx poets!
-i came home to open arms and kisses...what more could one tired mom and woman want...not a damn thing!

Even On Fridays...I'm Grateful (lol)

--for the Creator and She...
--for loving me as i am, but always knowing i can do more...i can do better
--for a brief hiatus, but oh we are ready for the NEW!!
--for sweet love
--for my babies arms around my neck and the kisses that go with them
--for creativity
--for sidewinders and the view
--for you and you and us and laughs and laughs and goodtimes and SEEAARCH!!
--for Brown Sugar Moments...love open mics
--for the sage cleansing...thank you...you always know
--for you worrying about me and my feelings
--for you and i picking the same ring out, though we didn't know it at first
--for spring flowers
--for crazy texas weather...keeps you on your toes
--for working out again...ah the burn the burn
--for my cheerleaders...i love ya'll
--for getting past the ugliness
--for the perfect spoon position, and his warmth against my skin
--for my new passion, check out below
--for a giving spirit
--for hanging out with my girl
--for romantic dinners...not often, but right on time...
--for life...is good is good

My Newest Passion...

I have taken over the dining room table lol...but its so much fun...
I am planning on doing this for more than just a hobby. I haven't set prices to anything yet, but if you see anything you like let me know. most pieces i can duplicate, others are one of a kind.
So check 'em out and let me know what ya think.
just cut and paste
http://www.slide.com/r/TNOr4XOL1D_48R5QzPY4aXWWqWuudweG?previous_view=mscd_embedded_url

Miss You Already Sidewinder....

Yep Another One...

--for Creator and She, and all of their amazing Grace
--for bday surprises still
--for dancing in the cold to some GREAT music
--for seeing old familiar faces, and the hugs that come with them
--for hanging tight with the kids, they are at an age where its totally cool to hang out together...and they think momma is cool
--for good body heat in the freezing cold
--for crazy Tx weather
--for the way you look at me...damn i'm lucky...damn i'm blessed
--for extra income coming in
--for my new endeavor...making jewelry
--for creativity
--for just being silly with my brother for no reason at all
--for kind words...they go a long way...and don't cost a thing...thank you
--for forgiveness...given...and asked for
--for new beginnings every day
--for new venues, its been tough waiting, but everything for a reason
--for growth
--for love...lossed and gained...its all good

My Beautiful Son's Creativity...

yeah i could kill him sometimes lol, but this was truly creative...the poem/rap written in the bday card he gave me:

You're always gonna be COOL.
Your pen is your TOOL.
You'll always stay with FAMILY.
And you pose AWESOMELY.
You always have something pretty hanging form your EAR.
You're always going to be pretty, but you're still turning 40 next YEAR!

i like how he capitalize the rhyming words lol.

So Much To Be Grateful For...

--for God and She who blesses me everyday
--for 39th birthdays and all the beautiful surprises
--for professional full body massages, over an hour...she realigned some stuff!
--for manicures and my first pedicure, one man on my hands and another on my feet! what else could a girl ask for lol!
--for a private showing of fine ITALIAN shoes @ an appt. only shoe gallery...and being able to take home 3 pairs valued over $600...not having to pay a dime...no i didn't steal them lol...my baby got the serious HOOKUP!
--for grinning so much i thought my face would break
--for his grinning so much thought his face would break
--for the cards that kept me laughing
--for a surprise dinner at one of my fav restaurants, with all my family
--for my wonderful family and all our differences...its what makes us so special in the first place
--for the poem my son wrote me...will post later
--for singing messages left on my phone...i love ya
--for peace of mind
--for my new guitar...yes guitar...always wanted to learn to play
--for yummy smell goods
--for maple ice cream
--for my new ipod!!!!! yes
--for sweet love
--for opening myself up to be loved by him
--for knowing i will do the right thing
--for validation
--for life...is good...is good
--for being the shoulder you need
--for feeling so special when i needed it the most
--for wearing the scarlet letter so well lol
--for great youth poetry
--for a new venue...everything for a reason
--for the moths and butterflies that keep visiting me
--for sitting back and seeing the smiles on faces of the ones who matter most

COPA!!



Glitter from PimpMyArea.com

Wow...

i saw this picture and was immediately drawn to and into it.
quite painful isn't it?
what do you think happened just before?
what will happen?
what sins did this angel witness?
or what sins did this angel do?

Quite Tragic Isn't It...?

You are so beautiful

yet so ugly

how can the two co-exist

w/o at least one dying?

i forgive you (again)

i pray for you

much peace

much love

Is Good Is Good...

--for He and She and all the blessings and grace raining down on me everyday
--for growth
--for listening to my authentic self...its done
--for growth
--for sweet forgiveness, and meaning it
--for growth
--for Spit Fire Poetry
--for beautiful women and their african drums
--for curry chicken
--for dinner with my T under oak trees
--for hanging out with some fly azz girls, and just chillin'
--for missed moonwalks
--for seeing another side of you that was HEELARIOUS
--for not letting bitterness overtake me
--for prayers, even when you can't pray for yourself
--for full saturday nights and loving every minute
--for being delicious
--for some serious fighting on the mic tonight
--for words
--for growth...i get to remake myself everyday
--for his love

If...

see you should be mine
because i hold the predescribed plans to your many fantasies
your appetite is not yet satisfied
since
well ...

you haven't tasted me

yet...
and i don't just mean sexually
no

that would be too easy
so ease me
slowly
decisively
and gently into your mind
with purpose
with satisfaction
with engaging conversations.
we can write love letters on restaurant napkins
then wipe our mouths to taste the sweetness of our words.
if you were mine...
there would be a need

for nothing
because by the time you know what you want
i would already have laid it at your feet
the place where i will be
...is there anything else my majesty?
it would be like that, you know...
drawn bath water to ease your hard day into

hands massaging struggles away
writing lyrics across your shoulders in deep stanzas
tracing cleft notes across ear lobes
to beckon deep moans

yeah like that....
come lay your burdens down

right here
between these palms
and i will base stitch them into seams of yesterdays.
if you were mine...
i would remind you everyday of what it is to be

a man...

my man.

dance me gently across your thoughts
to caress every word
every picture

allow me to sit within your mind

and ponder just to hear you think
just to see your dreamscape
then pirouette down and whisper lullabies into your heart

yeah...

if you were mine...
would you paint me into rainbows and shooting stars
as i paint you into warrior and king?
encircle my life with your love
and hold me like God holds a newborn's breath?
give life to my day

and dreams to my night?

would you?

i promise to be your soft place to fall
come be at peace within the folds of my wings
as i kiss the tip of your chakra
which one?
pick one
i will kiss them all
see, there is an empty space in my heart
not for what i lack
but where God carved out space for you to occupy
and when he sent you to earth
your heart was bigger than most
because

he had already given you the piece to mine

so yeah...

i've been holding your heart and soul in my life lines
for awhile now

can we hold hands and have destiny meet?

hi, my name is michelle desiree

what's yours?

Always...

--for God and She who protects and blesses me infinite....much more than i deserve

--for love in his eyes

--for both of my daughter's beautiful smiles...and their hugs

--for my son's insane sense of humor...and his hugs

--for his peach cobbler

--for finding an old friend, we didn't get to see one another while in town...but glad i found you.

--for music that gets ya grooving

--for seeing PE with my hip hop head

--for just being girls

--for gentle rain showers and swings in the midnight

--for new pieces that heal the scars just a lil more

--for the strength and freedom of riding a horse

--for quality family time...and their smiles

--for sharing laughs with my father...he is so cute in his old age

--for my brother taking me to dinner...my partner in crime

--for nice $$ surprises in the mail...another blessing

--for field greens and tomatoes

--for spring coming fast....the colors lately are brilliant

--for the grass reawakening after a long winter's nap

--for soft pillows on his chest

--for the way he gets me

--for the way she gets me

--for inspiration

--for renewed strength

--for letting go of you...long time coming...long time needed...breathe

--for praying for your healing

--for being acknowledged and validated thru honest words

--for long text messages...girl just call me lol

Ahhh The Weekend Was Fantastic!

Mr. Charles of Mojoe holding it down...despite the damn sound system!

Hanging Strong @ Auditorium Shores SXSW

Horseback riding with the family

FLAVA FLAAAV!!

XClan where is the Revolution?

Freaks Come Out @ Night...No comments on that please...LOL

Charles and I...eyes tight!

Momma's Baby

she is momma's baby
desperately needing to be daddy's lil girl
came into this world 18yrs ago kicking, screaming, and defiant
and she's been living life like this ever since
stands 5'5 like me
with deep chesnut colored native skin
kissed by the sun
with full cheeks
killer smile
and a silver slicing tongue to match
so beautiful she had to tattoo the word into her skin
as if she had to remind herself
she loves the freedom of the streets
and the streets love her
for she hustles them well
fights a fight she does not have to
but never been one to follow rules.
when she's near me
i can still catch glimpses of her sweetness
of momma's baby
the ones not yet swallowed
not yet stolen by paternal manipulation
or life's hard knocks
i hear it in her laugh
when she calls me "mommy"
and when she hugs the man she has called "daddy"
for the past 15yrs...
but i'm guilty of wondering if i did enough
for its obvious its not enough
she searches for her validity in his absent eyes
casted out of his family by her delicate stem
for she never had a chance to stretch her roots there
left her cold and bitter under his decaying branches
carving a broken heart and the words daddy's lil girl into his tree
i want steal her innocence back!
and for her to see how beautiful she really is
i'd snap my fingers if i could
cast spells into the heavens if i could
instead
when she is sleeping next to me
i whisper into her dreams and tell her
i want to take your pain baby
reach deep inside the heart of your hell
plunge maternal hands in its sponge
soaking you in daily
rip it from its existance and squeeze the the dead out of it
so worth can come back into your dark eyes
where beauty's reflection has lost its way
let it seep into the ground where fathers lay
and where i should bury yours
for you hold much too tightly to a legacy not belonging to you
there is comfort in the pain though
i know
cradling you into nightmares
playing games in blood left on floors
too many pieces to play with
and not enough players
therefore demons play you often
and the company is appreciated
i know
babygirl
let me have your pain
come enter inside these walls
crawl back into your conception
let's rearrange DNA
until my womb absorbs this madness
fertilized with guilt and sadness
together
let it grow
let it grow
let it grow
until soft insides split
and manifestations explode
and this heart releases
reaping what needs to be sown
ripping existance apart
so i may rain down on you
covering your lovely face
with transferred grace
freeing you from an internal prison
with bars engraved with his name
forged by his own hand
this is my wish
this is my prayer
for she will always be momma's baby
desperately just needing to be daddy's lil girl.

Wednesday Thankfulness...

--for God and She who handles it all with perfection

--for my lil corner coming together

--for babygirl and her "touchy subject" lol

--for being vunerable

--for being okay with it all

--for young minds

--for seeing you shine just a lil' more than the day before's conversation...your love for it will come back

--for good vegan food...need to return to that lifestyle

--for trusting you, so important with women...so important for me

--for the pictures we took and the way you looked at me...sigh

--for fitting so perfectly against your chest

--for your eyes and what you speak to me, even if you can't verbally say it...its ok

--for some time with my oldest...and sharing some laughs...i pray daily for you baby

--for throwing down in the kitchen...lol and my dad taking all the credit for my skills

--for Pandora....music music music...so good i had to say it 3x's (thanks sunshine)

--for late night steroid wings and bottlecaps...and ooowee lol

--for discovering a new bead shop

--for meeting ms. Ruby, got her first tat at 75 of a closed wing butterfly...'cause she said SHE WASN'T DONE YET! so f***ing awesome!!

--for the souljahs past, present, and future throwing down @ Mitchie's...honored still to be a part of this group!

--for knowing a different path cometh soon...am i ready?

--for rain

--for the huge magnificent butterfly(moth) that payed me a visit last night

--for spiritual challenges

This Is Why Life Makes Sense...This Is Why I Continue..

How could such 3 ohhhh soooooo different beautiful children come from one woman. Exactly what they are doing here...that is there personality lol...

lawd! look at my son...he keeps me laughing!

Always....

--for grace and blessings from the Most High
--for being asked to share my words with the wonderful women of Metropolitan A.M.E. Church. i was such a blessing to be there, and the Spirit was definitly in that sanctuary. (thank you Lisa)
--for reconnecting and strengthening bonds of friendship
--for Gene's wings
--for serious words thru txts...its all we can do right now...but thank you for letting me be that soft place to fall for you still.
--for giving into the pressure of myspace lol, so check it out www.myspace.com/poetic9butterfly
--for memories-both good and teaching lessons
--for creating a lil sanctuary in my closet, just a place to write, to meditate, to contemplate
--for the smell of sage and all its cleansing power
--for sharing laughs with my younger brother....i love his smile
--for field greens
--for another poetic house party coming...for the continued healing...for a brother's love
--for new words causing just a lil' bit more madness in my life lol
--for slams and double winnings...yes!
--for high speed internet lol
--for the sweetness you whisper in my ear
--for my beautiful babies...they are absolutely amazing to me
--for the flowers peeking through

It's 10am, been up since 6am....people who know me KNOW I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON!! believe me nothing would be better right now than to get back to bed and curl up w/ my man.....so why am i up?
Cause i am a DAMN POET...and this new piece is refusing to let me sleep peacefully or sleep at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn you
but i love you poetry
.....will post soon
i need some coffee

Okay I'm A Lil Late, But Always Grateful Just The Same

--for my new computer with high speed internet YEAS MA'AM (i still love you dinosaur, just want be using you very much)
--for new pieces off book
--for coming in second in wednesday's slam....felt good...and is sure don't mind losing to that BAD AZZ POET
--for new poets
--for new pillowtop queen beds...ahh can u say no more back or neck ache...and being a lil closer to him
--for big pillows to rest my head
--for loving my thickness
--for my hair being process free for 2 years now....and i love what was under there
--for getting 3 pairs of pants and 2 sexy shirts from lane bryant, after all the discounts and coupons......$11.86...WHAT!!
--for you needing me, and me being able to comply
--for pluckers, brownies, dip sticks, late night calls and laughing 'til it hurts
--for getting through some more baggage...always through writing
--for Angel's beautiful smile....infectious...glad u r feeling better...we need to go back to vegas!
--for all the beautiful women of neosoul...all so different, but very much the same
--for strength
--for prayer...nuff said

Second Piece From Writing Lab...still rough/still fresh

We had to clear our minds for a moment, then think of someone...what they were wearing, smells, thoughts, what were they doing, saying etc. (sidenote: i didn't make it to the last lab due to the flu, but Ms beautiful Jo had written about me as her first thought, and blessed me with reading it again. I had no idea. All I could do was cry. her words were as if she was...me. thank you thank you. Its just nice to know when people "get" you.)
okay so i thought of someone:

He

patchouli scented bedsheets lay beneath our bodies
wrinkled and passion torn from its corners
and that was the first 5 minutes
he wore nothing but the skin he came into this world with
a distinct contrast against mine
he shivered
at the thought of what was to come-literally
so i whispered secrets of Griffin & Sabine across his chest to keep him warm
he reached up to grasp his rainbow
and i kissed shooting stars into his eyelids
as i rode his comet's tail
wishes granted a lifetime
i could taste forever in his lips
could feel the darkness as well
for he is so misunderstood among the masses
but found an understanding within the safety of my arms
his confusion and uncertainty i swallow gently
hoping my sweetness will dilute his weakness
for he is a warrior
a king
with no crown
no land to speak of
therefore i let him conquer my kingdom
and just for a moment
here
in the sanctity of this heaven
he is free to be himself
without judgement
without fear
to feel love
to matter
to just...
be.

B's Writing Lab...Fresh and Rough

Subject: It's Been A Long Time Since...
words given(can be used in any form):
evolution/effort
overwhelmed/open
bruised/bind
natural/necessity
lavish/living

its been a long time since i felt this way
able to smile again naturally
instead of out of necessity
...for my children not to question
...for my partner not to wonder
...for my friends not to doubt
...for my enemies not to elate
overwhelmed by knives left in my back
i cannot reach
before i would just take it out...lick it clean....hand it back
some ties that bind literally choked the words from my mouth
caused this open soul to close up shop
placed toothpaste mortar into the seams of an already crumbling foundation
brick by brick
i built my wall
pulled up my gate around this lavish castle
its safer here living with rose colored glasses on
playing in rose gardens with thorns
pricking skin sweetly
drawing blood slowly
bruise deeply
but he refused to let it continue
poked holed in my cocoon with my own pen
"you are bigger than this which hold you!
have you forgotten the feeling of words which once freed you?
have you forgotten your evolution?"
he threw the pen at me and said...
"Now go write your way BACK into your joy!"
...and i did
slowly
like i had forgotten what it meant to feel free
first crawling
then babysteps
then running...
as fast as i can
with all the effort in my existance
to throw this monkey off my back
i ran back to my self
took my hand
kissed my self
and smiled
and said "I AM HERE!"

i cannot tell you how much of a release this was. i didn't expect this to come out the way it did, but the spirit of poetry always has a mind of its own.
My Big Brotha B...thank you is not enough...i love you.

Another Reason...

--for funny t-shirts that may offend, but oh well they are still funny
--for the sunshine warming my face
--for two new pieces slowly coming together
--for shopping with Taylor and just being girly
--for God making me a girl, for making me a woman...so much fun
--for the birds that wake me in the morning, and sing throughout the day
--for Sunshine making me laugh so hard, i thought i would cough up a lung...you are HEElarious
--for the cool nights sitting on the swing with you
--for you laughing at my high antics
--for belief in self
--for great friends, you don't need many...just real and true ones.
--for neosoul, and all the poets who grace the mic

Just Stuff

Hey Austin folks, Roger Bonair Agard is featuring at Ruta Maya this Thursday @ 6:30. His one man show is called Masquerade: Poems Of Calypso and Home. Check him out if ya can. So much going on this week and i gotta work. sux.

Wow. I have a serious shoe fetish.(shutup sarah lol) bought 2 new pairs and i swear i got a high off the whole process. trying them on. deciding which ones to buy. purchasing them. taking them home and trying them on again. the feel on my feet. which polish will i wear? damn sexy feeling.
I will buy a pair of shoes first then build an outfit from there, instead of the other way around.
When i watch tv or look at woman on the street, my eyes automatically go to the feet. not the hair. not the face. not the clothes, but the shoes. like last week paula abdul had some bad ass shoes on during American Idol.(brown high heels, laced up with ribbon) i laughed 'cause i'm looking under the table. its crazy i know.
So anybody else out there like this?
and men (women too) what is it about a shoe that turns you on? does it even matter to you?

raise your hand if you wanna scream if ya hear one more breaking news report on anna nicole smith? it is a tragedy indeed. i believe she died of a broken heart. all those damn vultures fighting over the baby, that they don't really give a damn about...but they sho want the money right!!

hmmm, the gov't is saying they have NO INTENTION of attacking Iran...funny..i remember that exact same BS being said about Iraq. we are in our last days...got to get it right!

when we pour our libation into the earth, will our ancestors gag and choke on the hypocracy? we are no longer honoring them, but mocking them.

life and love...all about the perception, right homie?
sure feels good

Gratitude So Sweet Indeed!

--for finally feeling just a lil bit better. i haven't been this sick in a long while.
--for my babies doing better too!
--for the way he takes care of me
--for snuggles with my kids while watching tv
--for love
--for you wanting me the way that you do...what can i say
--for your Valentine text message...thank you, it meant a lot
--for yummy buffalo shrimp...damn i'm a good cook
--for June and Herman thinking of me...meant a lot too
--for the feature in Tribeza Magazine...like hot damn and wow!
--for great photo shoots
--for knowing we are in this for the long haul, and it feels nice again
--for getting past my self...still working on me
--for true poetry
--for listening to His whispers again
--for sharing my words with some fantastic women, thank you Lisa
--for the last year of my 30's fast approaching, and looking forward to all the possibilities.

Destiny

if everyone has a season
than you must be my lifetime
etched into continuums
folded into always
numbered into infinity

let me feel forever
in the safety of your arms
while you find ecstasy
in the bend of my neck
whispering poetry to life

let our rhythms become tantric
as my temple pays homage to your kingdom
praying in my holy ground
causing God to write new scriptures
and angels to weep at our feet

there is no definition nor label to explain

it has always been this way
and it seems it will always be
complex in nature
simple in touch

so touch me
in that place
which beckons sweet satin waters
craving your fingertips
craving your.....

let tongues dance on the outer rims of lips
as we stare into eyes of one another
you taught me this gift
and there would be no other way
a kiss in its purest form

let our lashes hold hands
and our pupils dive into one another
like skipped pebbles across still waters
i am the light in your dark eyes
and you are the deepness in mine

i want to cradle your seed in my womb
feel lines of poetry stretch across my belly
as truth grows within
while you sing lullabies of unconditional
to your freedom

time will past
the seasons will change
but our lives will not be in vain
for you my love, are my lifetime
and i am your forever

Grateful for it all...

--for trying new things
--for shopping with Taylor and just enjoying each other's company
--for decorating her room, and the beautiful thankful smile on her face
--for great furniture finds on Craig's List
--for creativity
--for my dad now joining us on the set
--for the card you left for me...nice surprise
--for my son't math skills...he amazes me some time...no all the time!
--for you understanding the pain and being in my corner
--for purging pain and healing just a stitch more
--for swinging under the moonlight and talking to the Universe
--for your email B...always a kind word on dark days
--for the two of them now able to rest
--for the courage of women
--for God making me a woman
--for good books to get lost in
--for my reading hunger returning.
--for stepping away when needed and not feeling guilty
--for the words still coming

i will not make any apologies for the woman that i am
or for the woman i will be
so please stop punishing me for loving you
i am not some child who if you take my toy away
will throw a tantrum or behave as you wish
"daddy, i won't do it again...
i will be a good girl for you"
under the circumstances i have been a good girl.
i think you forgot i was a woman
one helluva woman at that!
with needs and wants just like your own
please stop playing the role of the martyr
your pain is not any different than mine
and it hurts just the same
we just have different views
doesn't make you right
doesn't make me wrong
but i'm here still
like always
loving you
despite yourself
perhaps despite my own self
i may not be enough for you
or is it i am too much?
but i am enough for me
right now that is all
that is all
that
is
all
that
matters
you feel me luv?

Patience

when you are ready
i will be be here
waiting
no questions asked
place apologies upon my lips
as your arms encircle my waist
tuck your regrets behind my ear
cast reflections of forever in your eyes

when you are ready
i will be here
getting this house in order
sweeping my mind clean
rearranging my heart
throwing out the baggage
so everything fits just right
making room for even more

when you are ready
i will be here
keeping this thickness thick
and this sweetness even sweeter
having secret conversations with Venus
creating new pictures for Sutra
an aphrodisiac i will become
to satisfy all your cravings

when you are ready
i will be here
to stand close at your side
with one hand holding your back
the other holding your hand
for i will uplift you and strengthen you
the best i know how
royalty you are
to your forever Queen

when you are ready
i will be here
waiting patiently
you better pray for open arms
and not a glock nine!

lol, sorry, thats not the real ending...just thought it was funny...and dammit i needed the laugh!!

Mother

I am always aware of my mother,
ominous, threatening,
a pain in the depths of my consciousness.
My mother is like a shell,
so easily broken.
Yet the fact that I was born
bearing my mother's shadow
cannot be changed.
She is like a cherished, bitter dream
my nerves cannot forget
even after I awake.
She prevents all freedom of movement.
If I move she quickly breaks,
and the splinters stab me.
--written by Nagase Kiyoko

came across this poem that spoke to me in whispers...then in screams. My mother and I play this game of labels very well. I have tried to scrape off the past imprints she has left within my skin. Bled to be purified of her legacy. easier said than done. It seems everytime i forgive and open myself up again...because it seems she has changed..her venom blinds me once again. This is true for a couple of relationships in my life, and the reason enough was enough. Had to let it go. So much harder to do though when its your mother. The ties that bind run deep. We talk occasionally, pleasantries exchanged...but one can always feel that underlying emotion.
I remember as a child secretly wishing for another mother...one who would fight back when my father used her as a punching bag, one who was checked into their child's life, one who was the dream in my head of what a mother should be.
but the other mother never came
but i survived her, and hopefully a better mother to my own. it's hard when you don't have a strong blueprint to follow.I love my mother, but she is in denial about so much. even questions my own memories, as if they weren't my own. She's in her 60's now, and she always used to look so young...but lately i noticed age is coming fast, and bitterness has set well in her wrinkled lines. Time is of the essence
Is it possible to make peace with someone and still have pain?
like unsaid said...binge love, purge pain

hmmm...

your sweet tooth for me
leaves cavities in my heart
unfilled fulfillment
decaying at the root
oh but the way your tongue plays with my lips
makes me forget pain even existed
at least for the moment
so we capture it
stretch it as long as we can
for the next one may never come
but you do...
no need for hands
as i rhythmically coax your essence
humming nectar down my throat
lubricating wings and glossing lips
admiring no drop left behind
or gone to waste
i have never tasted sweeter
thank you for stopping by
please cum again soon

A Few I'm Working On...

you built me a castle on the ocean's edge at lowtide
the moon was full
the stars were bright
there was hope in each grain
of sanddollar wishes
green and blue sea glass softened by time and chaos
adorned my skin like precious jewels
we looped wet strands around shells
i made you a glorious crown
you made me your forever queen
as if there was any other option

we watched the moon play with the tides
as the tides played hide and seek with our toes
until it had engulfed our entire body
carrying us and our castle of dreams out into its waters
for even the ocean wants to be baptized sometimes....
-----------------------
see you leave me speechless
words abandoning me
dancing softly from my lips
just to exist in your space
to be inhaled into your mouth
exhaled across your breath
the air parts like sweet thighs
welcoming you
i breathe you in
so i can find the words again....
------------------------
close my eyes across copywritten memories
inscribe love notes on the backs of doves wings
and send them off into the night air
upon wisps of smoke
as i wait patiently for your reply.......

Always Grateful...

--for finding the gratitude even when it feels so bad inside
--for exploring more of my otherside and taking that step
--for one day of sunshine, almost forgot what it looked like
--for t's pay raise and recognition for job well done
--for my new digital camera that i bought myself...so loving this one
--for seeing two movies for the price of one LOL with my gang
--for my son's dance moves...trying to imitate Stomp The Yard!
--for the words flowing the right way
--for laughing with my father, the kind that hurts the belly and the tears come
--for the look on your face when you walked in the door and saw what your kids had done for ya...hadn't seen a smile like that in a long time
--for knowing and feeling i AM a good person
--for my girl trying to find the answer to the pain...lil steps ma
--for spending a lil time with my oldest daughter...still my lil baby
--for the love of my brother...he's got my back always, and i got his
--for sexy shoes...can't have enough of those
--for cleansing cries, so much so damn teeth hurt...but its okay...its okay...okay

nobody wants to know the truth
she says
we are lovers to our own lies
caressing the underbelly
until dishonesty purrs from lips
taste so sweet
truth now bitter
you are not welcome here
she says
and licks the aphrodisiac
from deception's palm
for this is a bed we lay in often
with pretty pillows
for this is a dance with many partners
cut in anytime
the song plays long after the dj has gone home
long after the sun has kissed the earth
long after reflections give no face value
so where do we go from here
she asks
slicing life to the core
trying to feel again
blood pools non-existant
for lies drained joy a long time ago
we are the walking dead
living with no purpose
no rhythm
no rhyme
soulless
because we expect so less these days
where have our leaders gone
she asks
possibly murdered last night
by the cop shooting him in the back
in self defense
possibly raped before breakfast
by father 'cause mommy is too old now
teachers don't understand why she can't focus
stuffed into society's crack
invisible and lost in a system
that does not protect its children
they put guns in the hands of 18 and 19 year olds
fight this war
become a man
in return we will give you money for college
oh yeah and a triangle box and casket to match
got to have something for our beautiful red, white, and blue to drape........

Organic Butterfly

invisible ink inscribes affirmations upon butterfly wings
only to be seen in sunshine's gleam
when she flies into the heat
organic in nature
rain brings the color
she opens even wider
to catch the baptism
channeling through veins of identity
replenishing her thirst for flight
gliding between ether spheres
fearing nothing
but the cocoon left behind
so she returns
strapping her birthplace to the underside of her womb
with stitched cobwebs and willow tree sap

stuffed with hope

sealed with a kiss
and flies into the rain
to catch the rainbow
to color her beautiful........

Commitment To Self To Push Myself Even Harder

I haven't been focusing much on writing or performing lately. the words have been coming, and i've been writing. but its been like oh okay thats nice. write.turn page.write.turn page. put away.i've been worrying about trying to find that fire again, but not really doing anything to make the fire burn. i haven't been focusing very much due to some personal setbacks. i'm tired of using that excuse now. so....as a personal challenge to myself...i'm taking it all up to another level...hell that is what i'm going to do with my life PERIOD...right now, its a matter of life or death.
i've got to work through this madness in my head. notice i said work THRU, not get rid of...cause that is impossible i believe. embracing it and softening its edges is all i can do.
please don't take anything i post too personal. . i am not trying to hurt anyone's feelings or step on anyone's toes. may work for others, but its not my style. eventhough i have stated this disclaimer, i am SURE someone is going to read something and think i am writing about _________or___________(if you knew the truth, you would surely shut the fuck up anyway! folks don't ask me about truth, they just assume...too funny)
like i have said before...IT AIN'T ABOUT YOU HOMIE, ITS ALL ABOUT ME THIS TIME!
much love....isn't that what life is about anyway?

empty morsels left upon lips i crave
licking feverishly to taste something...anything
as i greedily try to feed my hunger
yet
you are a meal i am not hungry for
but
i feed on you in bits
as you feed on me in gulps
regurgitating a love affair
tearing at the lining of my heart
acidic holes penetrate
way past what i can no longer stomach
constantly
sugar sweet words carve the jagged lil' pill
forcing me to swallow
promises of tomorrows
leaving me in yesterday
without a blueprint to build another foundation
cracked
mud-laden
left too long in your suntips

running to my core

crumbling outer edges of existance.........

Continuously Ever Grateful...

--for my family joining me on the set, even in the rain we kept laughing.
--for wanting to make it better between us...and it is and will be so
--for the cold rainy nights
--for warm flannel snowflake pj's all weekend...so sexy lol
--for waking up in your arms with my head still on your chest...nice place to dream
--for laughs thru emails, text messages and phone calls
--FOR SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry got a lil excited there
--for sliding down hills on the ice and snow, yeah what!!
--for loving my quirkiness, its part of me and i adore it
--for realizing i just can't keep doing this with you...part of taking ME back...and its okay i won't fall apart
--for fireplaces and hot apple cider...together
--for my dad looking so cute all bundled up
--for my mom calling me her lil canadian girl...i don't call her enough...working on that
--for yummy stew...yep i made it
--for loving to cook
--for king's text pushing me harder and believing in me...thank you for all the encouragement
--for my own personal challenge when it comes to writing and poetry
--for you having to stay home due to the bad (good) weather
--for finally putting up all the christmas stuff...its just so hard to put away...yeah i know its the 16th of jan.
--for planning his 40th already
--for my next door neighbor's house saved in the fire, and for it not jumping onto our roof
--for the beauty of an icicle...really look at one
--for vitamin e oil and ALL its uses...yeah you can go there dirty minded people lol
--for wanting to start anew, even after 15yrs