The Experience....

-soooo, friday afternoon received word the venue had been cancelled...mind you, we drove to NO for this gig...and because of prior commitments would drive back friday night....i was a lil leery at first, but it all checked out. broke the news to my fellow poets...but we were ok with it, and knew it would all work out...and it did...made a phone call to another contact...bam 2 more gigs...no worries. made the needed phone calls...some folks were not happy. then realized, uh oh, only packed for a couple of days...
-did the tourist thing, hit the french quarters...man sin city is an understatement...bourbon was too much even in the middle of the afternoon...
-found a great lil dive on one of the side streets (always go off the beaten path folks) playing jazz and cover songs...some stranger grabbed faye and started dancing as soon as we walked in...guy playing the guitar and singing looked ALOT like Blackula....ya'll don't nothing about that oldie? hey we are in New Orleans, stranger things have happened
-did lots of driving and sightseeing and getting lost..repeat on the lost and driving and sightseeing...one more time repeat on the lost, driving and sightseeing
-drove further into the neighborhood, well what was left of it, and realized we were face to face with the levee...we had been close to the 9th ward the whole time...i could not control the emotions that flooded my being, like these streets once had been. i wanted to run and beat on that wall...i was so overcome with tears, anger and sorrow...didn't expect it...the car was silent for a very long time. the things our eyes saw was beyond comprehension...kept shaking my head asking why? why 3 years later and it still looks like this? yet the tourist areas and the higher economical areas....what hurricane?
-the people in these devastated areas are taking care of their own, for no outside help is coming for them. still. no help, but they have each other.
-the military police still roam the streets...marinate on that for a minute
-the people do what they can, when they can; even if its working late into the night with only a generator to show some light (we saw this).
-still trailers in driveways of houses that no longer exist, or look like empty shells, cars abandoned, streets in much need of repair...yet amongst all of this a few children still find the time to play basketball with a makeshift goal. i smile.
-our first feature was @ the Red Star Galleries, nestled in a lil corner of heaven...all the business in this triangle area were black owned. BEAUTIFUL! from a creole woman-owned coffee shop called Black Coffee, a rasta shop starting a clothing line (but the rastas inside look like a front for the militant revolution-seriously), a vinyl record store...yes i said vinyl...the youngings in the car couldn't understand my enthusiasm lol...there were more, but those stood out
-we rocked it neosoul proud style! they usually have visual artists that come through, being only a month new, we were the first official spoken word artists that featured there. nice huh? got some new ideas and some new folks to add to the extended family
-next night's feature was across the Crescent City Connection bridge, you remember the bridge...when folks tried to escape, they were turned away by armed police and military...yeah that bridge.
-the lovely Asia Rainey, man she is stunning in person, helps run a community center in Westbank, called the Craig Cultural Center, just a few months old...again the need for taking care of one's own...and they do.
-we were truly blessed and blown away by some of the youth that hit the mic...oh did i mention, we hung out with some of the New Orleans Youth Slam team...yeah and WOW...we were priveledged to hear some of the new group pieces too.
-ended our night hanging with some of them at Cafe de Monde, with a lil street poetry.
-needless to say, after packing up the car, we didn't want to leave...but knew we would be back...soon...this trip has changed me a bit...i have got to do more in my community to help my own, as poets we should.

And So It Begins...

...my grateful list first...
--for the Creator blessing thee, even when i don't deserve it or recognize it at the time.
--for the beautiful women in my life...all so different, but the ties that bind are there...and i have learned so much from each...i hope some good things have come from me as well.
--for knowing i must stay in my lane for this one, though i want to take the car and run you over the head...but his perceived happiness is more important
--for intense words around the circle of life @ the house of words...damn i love poets and how we think
--for an amazing sunday morning spent with the ladies of excellence...was truly blessed
--for childhood friends who continue to bless my life with their presence and "walking around funds" lol
--for the soldier who walked quickly thru my life...we had fun though didn't we...tucked prayers in your army sack...i will keep those words safe (i'm coming back, michelle)
--for mini road trips to ktown to giddings withing 12 hours of one another...i am getting to old for this shiznitt lol
--for stepping away just for a moment...breathe
--for first dates and last dates lol...was wondering where the cameras were for "you been punked!"
--for sisterfriends...we got this on lock! growth is a mofo huh
--for you and i talking thru it
--for my God, who takes care of fools and babies...well far from a baby these days, and too close to being a fool...but i am in His hands...all that matters
--for love...i know its waiting on me to get me together...i am working on it
--for taking the tour leap again....

which leads to me the following...
-faye & i rocked the mic @ The Red Scoot Inn. my brother came through with his new girl, and didn't even know his sister was one of the features lol...meant to be. Ms. Ria was friggin' awesome as a host.
*word of caution* don't try to challenge Ria on the mic...she will have you sliced up and feed you to yourself AND calling your mamma for help!!
-had a late night dinner @ pluckers (thanks tre) with faye and justin...laughing and talking about what else, poetry, our lives, and everything else under the sun.
-time to get this started, so said our goodbyes, gased up and hit the road
-faye's cell phone rings 5 minutes down the road..."ya'll leaving tonight, ya'll gone?" i just laughed because i already knew he wanted to go...knew he was sitting at his crib thinking man they going to new orleans, trip of a lifetime...blah blah blah...so u-turned and picked up justin lol. 5 more minutes and he would of been OUT OF LUCK...but again, everything for a reason...
-3 of us got on the road about 3am...got into New Orleans around 5pm...yes it took that long....this is why....folks in texas can't drive in ice and snow...bridges were shut down, traffic jams in one spot literally 2hours, overturned vehicles...oh and saw a cop bust his ass getting out of his patrol car to help another accident victim out...couldnt do anything but laugh...slipping and sliding and bam! terrible i know...oh well
-2 freaky snow storms...the other was in new orleans...i found it to be quite symbolic though....the tour Brian and I went on in 2006 started with a blizzard...so yeah very symbolic
-staying with my sis's mom (thank you tova, love you)we had every intention of going out last night to see the city...why did we lay down for just a minute (our intentions)ummm didn't get up until 6 am this morning...our butts where whoooooped to say the least.
-so now let the adventures begin...keep ya updated...still send prayers up people....and for this city....what i have already seen makes no damn sense!!!
...for now peace out

I Am Grateful....

--for The Most High, and everything surrounding that is good
--for one great weekend of poetry...from the babies to the grown folks...meeting one amazing lil' queen by the name of Madison
--for writing labs that demand the darkness to be acknowledged...love you jono...love you fam....the tears are necessary
--for the necessary tears to allow the healing
--for another day...its been harder and harder to stay on this plane...but i was gently reminded i still have work to do
--for sitting in the sun and sitting in the dark, girl talks
--for the beautiful women in my life that bless me everyday with their presence and their words
--for showing the way to love right in your face...don't be too scared sis, he has been and will be your everything
--for big brother hugs and forehead kisses
--for a real chill ladies night...i needed it
--for the breakdown....to start the buildup
--for blessings in disguise
--for late night talks under the stars at the round table @ the newly dubbed "House Of Words" lol
--for meeting a very nice possibility (smile) but the irony of being deployed for over a year in less than 3 weeks, does not sit well...sigh
--for holding on in one of my darkest moments...i dare you to call on HIM, and see what happens
--for you and i writing about the same thing...girl i love the hell/heaven out of you
--for holidays reminding me what family and friends are all about

My Memoir...

(write your memoir in 6 words however you choose...write 6 stanzas, 5 lines each, each stanza with same word, each line has to begin with the word in your memoir..make it flow)
--------------------------

Born, i, from heartache
poetic resurrection
--------------------------

born i am
born i am to live past existing
born to exist despite my past
born to continue to live
born to live i
i am here
i woman
i love
i now
i now am in spite of you
from where do i go from here
from here to there
from in betweens
from filling gaps
from protruding gaping hearts
heartaches fills gaps
heart aches to feel
heartaches need no understanding to be
heartaches be of no understanding
heartaches make for good poetry
poetic intentions intend to put their best word forward
poetic forward pens will not lie still trying to write
poetic veins running thickly with poetry sustaining creation and
poetic heartache
poetic heartache i am thee
resurrection if you only knew
resurrection new
resurrection without knowing
resurrection knows
resurrection knows me

Zion

(zion was the word given to me...write 26 sentences with Zion as the first word in the sentence. then pick 5 sentences and incorporate into a piece related to something going on in the world. mine was two-fold...about a personal relationship, yet also a letter to the nation/world from Michelle Obama...the next first lady...wow still amazing to even say that)

My Dearest Zion
i inhale the death of you
to exhale me
been lost in translation
trying to translate the loss
of being lost without you
in your terms
on your terms
for Zion floats in the between vacant spaces
meet me halfway
dare to dream wholeness
peace of mind
so take care and mind my peace
this Zioness woman
watch her ways
feel her kiss
penetrate the way to wholeness
its best for both
slide slender fingers carefully below swiss-holed skin
in between today and tomorrow
take heed not to tear what has already been torn
even pressure causes diamonds to birth
let them drink mother's milk
paternal handlings bear witness to great seeds
as Zioness tendencies betray this heart
with good intentions
barren i am
but still bare succulent fruit
so bite
be satisfied
as holistic juices slide down lips
full of potential
licked from tips of fingers on point
and hear Zion within angelic laughs
coming from the dark cave of your being

From Grandmother To Me To Her For Me...to Forgive

cocooned harmony sings lullabies
for girl child in need of wings
she doesn't realize she already has
slow even breaths
beat ancestral love across wetness of birth
breathe child
inhale mahogany strength into fragile lungs
...you will hide your voice of woman
for many years to come
yet still write on my existence
long before
long after
reach deeply into front porch wisdom
blaze the trails i left fire upon
don't question
don't doubt
i am you
you are me
we are thee
then be...
hands deep in the struggle for self
prying open rib cages
to bare hearts to be broken
sewing kits in back pockets
for moments like these
squeeze every last drop of hope
onto screamless tongues
swallowed pride
will not allow
a mother's child to truly see
the child in her mother...
inked thumbs
bruise the pages from my mother's journal
juggles the eyes of angels
how different love can be...
prism reflections
imprison memories
of non forgiveness
umbilical cords
highwayed poison into altered beings
how can me come from thee?
breathe child...
for she too is in need of wings
she doesn't realize she already has
so sing with me
cocooned harmony lullabies
so she too can split her rib cage
to reveal her heart...
where is your sewing kit child
for moments like this?
how different love can be...

Everything...

was given this prompt by jono...he asked us each 3 things...what u like, what you love, what you know...from that he came up with a writing prompt for each of us...taking other's answers, so none of us got our own back...babyboy is something else...

Everything's sweet
all is honey
my lover's prayer in my ear
(we could use the words verbatim, what it means to you personally, or break it up)

everything is sweet
all is honey
dripping slowly
from lips slightly parted
my lover's prayer in my ear
whispering in tongues
searches for redemption
amongst Koran & Psalm lullabies
etched beneath my skin
blasphemy i know...
but sacred is this temple
built for thee
enter
gently
for this is hollow ground
i will raise my alter
to your thickening sky
inscribe your comings
in the Book of Shadows
hidden between full moon thighs
breathe this life into me
as i gasp the answer to life
in harmony with you
my tongue traces hieroglyphics
in desperate codes
along passionate willingness
breathe for me...
take my very breath away
then let me kiss it back
as you look into these eyes of salvation
do you hear it?
right there
just pass moans
and heavy breaths
do you hear it?
yes
right
there...
where angels wait to become seeds
come
into me
so that they may live
because here
everything is sweet
everything...
and i mean everything is honey...
please lick slowly

Grateful Still....

--for moments i acknowledge in gratitude
--for the tour coming together very well and the help from others
--for the freedom to do so...we will work on working for the man full time when i get back lol
--for the love i keep within, and the love i give outwardly
--for morning texts to keep me smiling
--for dark days and bright days...all a part of me
--for you always trying to "fix it"
--for family...by blood or otherwise...still family
--for understanding....coming slowly...but still it's coming
--for girlfriend hangouts...i think if someone watch us they would report us to the crazy farm lol
--for girlfriends i can be myself with
--for long distance flirts...don't make me get my passport sir lol
--for young stars turning into young warriors before our eyes
--for the pen moving again....deeply bleeding
--for laughter the only way you can bring it...love you lion
--for understanding again....of self, and why i do what i do the way i do it...my beat is different...and that is fine by me
--for wanting to give everything...yet my cup will always remain full when i see your smile
--for being part of a great group of poets...yeah sis i know, its different now...but at least we were part of it all...it has shaped our world somewhat...so many of us have laid the path for others to follow...though there will never be roadtrips like ours
--for music that makes me feel all melancholy inside...or want to bust your windows out LOL LOL...not really
--for the people of this nation finally getting a voice....NOW YOU HEAR US....i pray he will remember

Rip My Heart Out Please....

if you ever WANT to get past some issues within yourself...go to a bfran writing lab with our beloved JONO facilitating....

contact like this...
hard i know
no smiles
stop hiding behind them
and beautiful dark eyes
darken even more
words he does not know...or does he
young heart
old soul
commands ones that ring so true
so close to home
so soon
too soon
open doors of opportunity
for tears to crawl through
i want to catch each diamond
construct a bridge
for you to cross
wait for me on the other side
secrets and pain dare not speak
eyes bat them away
at the possibility of you leaving them
get back in your corner
not your time
whether its is your time or not
it is not my time
and i am not ready
hush lil' baby
don't you cry
mommas's going to buy you a mockingbird
and if that mockingbird don't sing
mommas going to lose everything.................................................

today
i can't do this
today
i must do this
ready or not
here goes
feel
feel this shit
every painful moment
every pebble in your shoe
that has bruised your heel
these feet carry a heavy load
not scale wise
but life wise
shoulders will break
even with a feather's kiss
do i want this....no
do i need this...yes
how dare you make me feel ANYTHING!
reflections don't see me
but her eyes caught a glimpse
offering me to me
look closely
no not around the edges
where its safe
look into me
where its not safe
where there are no more veils to hide behind
no daggers to stab backsides
or smoking guns at crime scenes
see the blood pool the outline of you
the do not cross the line barricade
she is you
she is we
but no longer us.....breathe

So Here Goes...

--for the Creator & She thumping me on the head...ok, ok...i get it
--for at least TRYING to get it right
--for knowing I AM the one who is most important in this game called life to love
--for dark days subsiding
--for the ones who pulled me through...never enough thank you's
--for this feeling inside...its going to be ok shelle
--for hosting again, and getting it right...under the wings of a fellow host and friend, and sometimes a bad azz DJ...smile
--for knowing we don't have to hang out or talk all the time, but i know you are there, and know i am too sis ;)
--for knowing when i really needed to be there....crazy weekend, we laughed through the pain and flat tires lol
--for honesty
--for gifts in the mail...thank you
--for chilly evenings and early early mornings...soooo nice
--for the power of prayer...i am telling you, try it...won't be disappointed...but be careful WHAT you pray for
--for text messages to get you through a day
--for cleansing tears and meditation
--for figuring out my role with you...its all good
--for the beauty of my children...i done good

Just a Lil'

i see you
within the far reaches of my mindscape
the areas that i don't even want to claim
therefore you are null and void
yet you will not comply
refusing to leave
sticking to role of heartache
like gum on the heel of highs
don't even know you are there
...until you hamper my steps

Love...

love freely, love deeply, love purely. love yourself the way you've always wanted to be loved, and love others the same way. love well, love often. find it in your heart to love those who have never shown you love---for they need it most of all. give so much love that you're certain to get some back. open your heart to the woman who lives on the sidewalk with her two daughters. love her. have compassion for the man who fired you from the job you loved most of all. love him. love all the earth has to offer-her people, her birds, her stones, insects, trees, mice, and oceans. love something--anything!--with a passion. love something larger than yourself. call it Goddess, call it God, call it Nature, call it Divine, call it Source, call it Beauty. Call it Love.
--from Rachel Snyder's 365 Words of Well Being for Women

i must remember to love the most important i know...me...sigh

Tough Week, but i am still finding the Goodness...

--for the private time with The High One, and the Grace granted
--for starry nights, a haunting moon, and a fabulous telescope...we are so small, and God is a grand designer
--for the ones i keep close, and the ones i keep at a distant...both make me want to do better
--for the journey of getting to know me, even in the stumbles
--for the Virgoes in my life...trying to figure it out
--for you saying i consider you a damn good friend...meant the world...we are still moving forward
--for wanting to be my soft place to fall...and being my soft place to fall
--for the smile on a weathered, wise and kind face
--for not needing or wanting drama in my life...hey some folks crave it
--for wanting to have that special someone again in my life, but realizing maybe i'm not quite ready (sing with me, "I am ready for love....")...trying to be patient though
--for text messages from the heart, and phone calls to follow
--for tough questions asked...thank you for holding up a mirror
--for girl time...we both needed it
--for loving my curls...even when they won't act right lol

Like You Didn't Know This Was Possible...?

Look...

...look at yourself, how beautiful you are. look at the love that pours from your eyes, look at how your wisdom and experience are written all over your face. look at the beauty of other women. all of them. look at their lips, full and ripe, thin and dry. look at their skin, smooth and wrinkled, creamy and course, olive and terra-cotta and peach and ebony and freckled and scarred. look at how women move. see them stride, see them shuffle, see them with eyes on the ground and eyes on the sky. see them inch slowly like the turtle; see them fly like the eagle. look at the muscles in a woman's body; look at the serenity in a blind woman's face; look at the rugged hands of a laborer. look at every person you meet with compassion and love. look for the good in their hearts and you're sure to stumble on the good in your own.
--from Rachel Snyder's 365 Words of Well-Being for Women

these particular words capture how i feel about women in general...we all are beautiful and unique...and i wish we would actually SEE that in one another.
much love
continued peace
for all of you

Picture of the Day....

like for real? lol

Live...

...as long as you're alive, why not live? live life to the fullest. live it up. live in the moment. live as though you had only twenty-four hours to live. live the life you've always wanted. live for yourself--not for others, alive or dead. live on the edge a bit, it's the only place from which you can take a leap. live the life that is yours alone. live wherever you want, with whomever you want, however you want, but live! don't just get a life--create one. don't just step into someone else's life--design your own. don't confuse real life with what you see on tv or at the movies. live free or die. live so that when you're dead, people will remark less on what you did in life--and more on how you lived.
--from Rachel Synder's 365 Words of Well-Being for Women

really...nothing else needs to be said...live

a word used to freely for what really isn't
someone close to me once said, "just cause you feel something...doesn't mean you always act on it"...words never wiser
i keep this tidbit front and center
just cause it feels good...sho don't mean its good for you
so chill out
be still
listen
patience
what is for you is for you
and you will know which is which
if you care to really listen to the Universe
and it won't hurt like this...

So Grateful....

--for Life, everything in it, below it, and above it
--for teaching moments, and getting it...even if its slowly
--for moving feet
--for recovering from an awful stomach virus/food poisoning...hate being that low
--for my babygirl...she turned sweet 16 ya'll, friday....sigh...hard to deal with
--for the young man by her side these days, such a gentleman...and young love can be so sweet...again, hard to deal with lol
--for loving the skin i'm in...every stretched inch of it
--for intimate moments with the Universe
--for Lindt chocolate...OMG...divine
--for all of us going to dinner together...my babies...wow i done good, so blessed
--for the tears trying not to fall from the corner of her daddy's eyes...i know, i know
--for the trip me and my oldest are planning for her 20th...good lawd...20th?
--for precious memories no one can take away
--for the women and men in my life...no matter what, love ya'll...thank you for teaching me more about me
--for learning when to just let the hell go
--for learning everybody is not suppose to STAY in your life...and its ok...
--for my fluidity with life
--for new creations
--for good wine
--for the sanctuary of my bedroom
--for believing in me
--for new horizons this week
--for hosting again with a few other bad mofos...going to be fun
--for the possibilities of getting it right this time
--for 4 fantastic women blazing new trails together...so excited

Listen...

...sit in silence and see how much there is to hear. listen to people. when are they really saying? what are they not saying? listen to the very last notes of every song. listen to a sunset; listen to the sounds on your street well after midnight. listen to your intuition, to your own inner voice--the one you can hear only when the din of every day is diminished. hear the rustle of a leaf, the call of a bullfrog, the pop and crackle from your wood stove. savor the call of a gentle breeze, the flap of a bird's wings, the fanfare of a summer thunderstorm. listen with your toes, listen with your heart, and always, always listen to that which is never spoken.
--from Rachel Snyder's 365 Words Well-Being for Women

one will be surprised what they truly hear when they become still and just be quiet lol. i never understand why folks talk so much, almost like they are afraid of what they will hear if they become silent.
i try to practice this on a regular basis...it is important to my well-being...and right now i have been needing it more than ever...trying to find a foothold on this path...and eventually one foot in front of the other (lol)
so yeah, take the time to really listen...to everything and everyone around you.
you will be blessed and become a blessing to someone else...i promise.