continued...

woke up this morning with you on my mind
actually you never left it
for dreams were filled with you too
filled so full
you overflowed into my heart
but then you didn't have a lot of room there either
seems you have claimed that space too
what is a girl to do with this perceived dilemma?
i stretch defeated arms wide
listening to the whispers of them bragging
about the last time they held you
lips tremble for the taste of you
soft skin searches for the last placed touched
and all the inbetweens your eyes sought after
resiliant thick skin seems to be thinning
or at least melting away from the memory of your gaze
"so beautiful" echoes sweetly across earlobes
nestles itself within loose curls for another day
when most needed to hear.
met by chance, i think not
you have always been there
i have always been here
we were just waiting for the fit
and we did
and we do
....so well
yet....
life sometimes doesn't match up with heart time
crossroads are not shortcuts
so seek wisely
careful not to fall upon def ears
paths can be less traveled
yet still carry outlines of footprints to fill.
emotions stir like the winds of change
tucked away in corners of deep pockets
amongst double headed copper pennies, dried crystal tears,
and forget-me-nots.
does it matter what the future holds
simply no....
for my heart...at this moment...will always be yours

2 Points of View...From One Point of View...Both With Love

one:
i am not strong enough to let these crumbling hands pick up the pieces of this failing existance
what could of been slips through fingers like lost time
winds of change blow dust into rose colored eyes
beauty sometimes acts as blinders
every blink to the past causes thorns to scratch away point of views
seems there is only yours my dear
point your lil finger you beautiful doll
shine for the world to see
foolish ownership
i claim my part
do you see yours...over the horizon of your martyrdom?
i walk the halls of this heart
not alone
competing with whispering ghosts and dancing skeletons
which scream for your attention
which you listen to intently
which we pay dearly
which is more than i can afford
eggshells cling to my boots
even hang loosely from my teeth
and with every i love you spoken
they are crushed into the perfect melody upon my tongue
reminding a soldier this is not his war...anymore
but still willing to die for the cause...
i wish i was enough for you...with no comparisons


two:
i am not strong enough to let these crumbling hands pick up the pieces of this failing existance
what could of been slips through fingers like lost time
winds of change blows dust across a hardened inheritance
his imprint is forensic evidence
every blink to the past cracks the mirror evenmore
ugly reflections peeping through childlike wantings
yelling at self "I AM A GOOD PERSON"
haunting echos crash against heart walls
displaced ownership
i don't want to see my part
i just want to be loved
please...
love me enough for the both of us
i walk the halls of this bruised heart
not alone
searching for whispering ghosts and dancing skeletons
their two-step comforts me
which gives me purpose
which directs my path
which i pay dearly daily
which i will never be able to afford
i am trying to get this right...
but self hate clings to the underside of my stilletoes
mixed with the muck i try to hide with uneven steps
reminding a fallen warrior this is her fight...her self fight
and i am worth it...
forgive my wicked tongue
forgive me for weaving deception into this love
forgive me for not forgiving me....

Ahh Yes...

--for The Creator and She and the many forces at work
--for the memories still lingering from madison
--for tighter circles
--for having some great days with you sir
--for u missing me...always a good thing
--for the power of words...the ones that come from the soul
--for hanging out with poets off the mic...not bad pool player
--for watching her grow into and finding herself...its beautiful as much as she is
--for the bond between us that is getting stronger...long car rides always good
--for being a part of her release....dolphins, bonfires, colored skies, heaven's gate, and family
--for momma wanting to be close to her support system and those that love you...we will always surround you with love and never forget
--for the younger ones who i think look up to me...an honor, and a task to be better
--for running into you oh so sweet everytime we meet...everything for a reason
--for birthdays...everyone a blessing
--for a great FUN night at Neosoul
--for a niiice getaway weekend starting today...and oh the music we will hear tomorrow will be phenomenal
--for the love and beauty of the women in my life...damn im blessed
--for my son entering highschool next week...he is growing up so fast and is so handsome....keeps me laughing
--for bittersweet feelings about them growing up...want them to always need me like i need them

no we didnt win our bout to make it to finals...but we still will be on the final stage doing a tribute for shannon...such an honor. we knew going in we didn't have much of a chance with the two ny teams...but it was okay...our bout is the one most came to and the fact we stood strong in our words...earned us so much respect among our peers. it was a beautiful touching night...we got up there standing strong and did what we came to do....be the poets of record...and we are the team folks are talking about.....i felt like i was on the final stage last night...our stage was sacred.

MAN!!!! i am grateful!!!!

--for the Creator & She giving us traveling grace and continuing to watch out for us.
--for this beautiful madison weather....had to wear something long sleeve...don't miss the texas heat AT ALL!!
--for one big azz family reunion, and meeting new family...poets are a different breed lol
--for the moments in between the battles
--for the denver slam nuba team...always showing so much love, and for their phenomenal body of work...i admire them so much as a team and as individuals
--for Phetote on the Killeen team who literally gave the shirt off of his back to a homeless man...and it was not a cheap shirt...wow
--for Canadian geese....reminds me of my birthplace just a few hundred miles away...yes i thought of going home lol...not sure if they would let me back into the us though lol
--for my team...my damn beloved team...even with the struggles...oh and there have been struggles...we love each other and got one another's back...no doubt...
--for coach...thank you for everything and every moment...even the tough ones...even the tough ones...all teaching moments...see you on the otherside
--for sitting in the top 5 in the nation right now!!!!! meaning we are going to the semi-finals tonight
--for the power of the words..."Go In"...and we do and we will and we will continue...it has been life changing indeed
--for allen from neo surprising us and flying in to see and support...unbelievable...
--for the unbelievable female power here...taking some of it back with me and giving it to the ones in my life
--for the strength of our beloved sheila...she herself is a warrior
--for all the love and support from folks here, and folks back home...love you
--for missing my family...i am glad i miss them...i am glad i miss him
--for jono being by fortress...he is truly a blessing in my life
--for this life
--for calling on my village
--for vulnerability...go in

Okay so i have missed a couple of days....

like wow...so i am going to go backwards....right now, we are sitting 5th in the nation, and yes we are going to the semifinals...God is good...and so is my team...we have worked our butts off and our damn coach is unbelievable...(love you funky mike, 13 definitely learned from the best...love you)her strategy has been right on...by the way we won our second bout doing ALL individual pieces...neo has never done that....okay so let me see if i can remember the highlights of the week lol...sorry but poets party like crazy...plus its one big family reunion.
let me go back to tonight real quick and say a few things about my teammies...we have never done the pieces like we did tonight...our saying this year is "Go In"..meaning capture the emotion of the piece, become the words not just a poet spitting a poem...it was so emotional to watch each one of us up on that stage "going in"...so emotional doing the pieces themselves...i couldnt stop crying when i got off stage. what we have been doing lately with this concept has been life changing for me...like coach said...there is no more excuse...everytime you go there...and you go deep.
okay...had a beautiful memorial service for our beloved shannon this morning...so moving. shiela is a warrior herself...of course since she had such a warrior daughter. i mean what else comes from a warrior womb, right?
by the way, one of our biggest supporters of neosoul and a really good poet himself...Allen, surprised us and showed up at our bout tonight...couldn't believe it...i mean really? he just wanted to come see us and check out the scene...lol, we hollered when we saw him just sitting there all non chalant. lol
allen thank you and thank you for all those sending well wishes and love our way...love each and everyone of you for it...don't stop please...we still have a fight to go.
its after 4am right now, still pumped and excited but feeling tired too all wrapped up into one.
i miss my family...felt funny not going to neosoul tonight too...hope all went well...
our family here is so beautiful, all walks of life...colors, creeds, hair lol...oh you should see the hair lol...
going to bed...will write again tomorrow

Day !

got up...well i never went to sleep...at the crack of dawn...airport by 5:30...liftoff 7:00...not too bad of a flight, some turbalance and minor rain storm, oh and jono sleeping like a rock on my shoulder and slobbering...all love lol.
we are so excited to be here, already some amazing experiences...first folks we see stepping off the plane in chicago...team slam nuba...symbolic indeed. drive the rest of the way to madison...i slept for an hour maybe...but very refreshed...this country up here is beautiful and oh so green...oh and if you think i miss that texas heat, you are out of your ever loving mind...today folks said it was hot, well the natives...it was only in the low 80's and all we texas folk could do was laugh...nah we will show you heat! pretty cool town, its different, but i understand why they call it the sister city of austin...some similarities...but er ah...you can tell the poets are in town lol.
saw htown crew and hung with them a bit, saw slam nuba exploring downtown like rockstars on scooters...hey do it big right!! ran into team hollywood...and yes they are the persona...hollywood lol but all love. last team was the best...but met by accident...no there are no accidents in life...everything for a reason...hung out at the main poet hotel...nothing really going on...too quiet...don't know how on earth they are going to handle what is about to descend on their stoic pristine hotel lol...team maui walked in...we didn't know who they were, but knew they were poets...you know we know our own kind lol. greeted us with much love...beautiful great spirits...the energy between us 5 clicked and meshed instantly. hung out with them for awhile and was blessed with some of their music and freestyles...which of course fay and jono joined. me? nah i just love to listen...they blessed my ears tremendously...
now just trying to figure out what we are going to do tonight in this town...things really don't get going until tomorrow...whatever it will be, ya know it is going down in madison. lol...nope not telling all we will do lol.
to be continued....

man i can't stop grinning

Wish Us Well...and for Safe Return

well...here we go...the team is leaving in less than 24 hours for Madison, Wisconsin for one of the biggest Slam Showdowns in the nation...perhaps the world. so looking forward to the reconnection, meeting new people and just staying in the beautiful moments of this life in poetry.
send out the good energy and prayers
kisses